Bloodsuckers

I give this movie a 3 as it is worse than the cult movies that deserve a proper 2. It does not make sense to you? Well, it doesn't have to. This is another vampire movie with a stupid plot, no, let me rephrase, incredibly idiotic plot, where space cowboys (complete with cowboy hats) battle a space race of moron vampires.

Does it get any uglier than this? The only good thing in this movie was Natassia Malthe, with her stunning Norwegian beauty. God, I wish Michael Ironside and the DeLuise brothers would stop accepting dumb roles in dumb movies! I mean, at least SeaQuest was nice! I know Mr. Ironside from a lot of movies, he has acted in 164 movies at this date!! It's true that he was rarely in a major role, but still!

Okay, Bloodsuckers is not a good or great movie, or at least to me. If anything I found it decent and reasonably entertaining, especially compared to other low-budget movies I've seen recently. Bloodsuckers does actually have some note-worthy performances, Joe Lando, who was the best and only good thing about Meteor Apocalypse, is decent, Michael Ironside while underused does a nice job as the villain and Natassia Malthe, complete with a wardrobe that completely flatters her figure, is incredibly sexy and not too bad acting-wise either. The story is also an improvement, true it is predictable and not exactly original(apart from the interesting angle of vampire mind sex) but unlike most other low-budget movies I've recently seen it's actually engaging too, and I say the same thing about the action scenes and the gore. Where Bloodsuckers does fall down is with the rest of the cast aren't as good, either bland or irritating(Leanne Adachi manages to be both those things), the script is of rather cheesy quality, the human characters are stereotypical and not all of them are easy to identify with and the cheap effects for the vampires(who themselves as a whole lacked charisma and menace mostly). Overall, reasonably entertaining but one with many flaws. 5/10 Bethany Cox

#1 Vampires vs. Humans

#2 Military-reject roughneck squad as first responders to dangerous, unknown Vampire incursions.

#3 Sexy female Vampire on the side of the "good guys".

#4 Plenty of gore and action.

There are four (4) major plot devices that may help you decide if you want to watch this movie. If you want all four, then the next plot device may not deter you...

#5 In outer space.

That last one almost got me too, but I'm glad I watched. In a pile of terrible direct-to-video horror that is the Sci-Fi channel Halloween marathon... this movie is a breath of fresh air. It will stand-up against any of the other Sci-Fi channel offerings, and even against the other Vampire movie Natassia starred in (who keeps giving Uwe Boll money?).

In 2210, mankind has explored the space and found a vampiric menace, declaring war against different breeds of vampires some of them inclusive human flesh cannibals. The V-SAN (aka Vampire Sanitation) spaceship leaded by Captain Churchill (Joe Lando) receives a distress call from an Earth base and his team formed by the vampire Quintana (Natassia Malthe), the rookie officer Damian (Dominic Zamprogna) and the rebels Rosa (Leanne Adachi) and Roman (Aaron Pearl) seek survivors and vampires and they rescue the scientist Fiona (A.J. Cook), but Capt. Churchill is captured by the vampires. After their next assignment, the provisional captain Damian and his group disclose that a traitor has disengaged the defense system of the bases and they chase their prime suspect.

I like B-movies, but "Bloodsuckers" has very contradictory characters and situations. The story has some potential but the internal fights and argues and contradictions of the V-SAN team have irritated me. The so-called vampires are actually cannibals and have nothing to do with the traditional vampires that suck blood and fear garlic, crosses, holy water and sunlight. The worm vampire is hilarious and one of the funniest moments of this flick. Natassia Malthe recalls Catherine Zeta-Jones and is also extremely gorgeous. This movie seems to be a forgettable television pilot of a series. My vote is five.

Title (Brazil): "A Guerra dos Vampiros" ("The War of the Vampires")

First off, the movie I watched was "Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe", which apparently is an alternate title for "Bloodsuckers" (and a much better one IMO). Second, anyone who chooses to watch this movie and expects anything better than B-movie special effects and acting is a fool. Third, you must turn off your brain to truly enjoy these kinds of movies.

Now that I have that out of the way, I really enjoyed this movie. Spaceships, alien vampires, and half-human/half-vampire psychics are what great B-movies are made of. The gore is relatively high, but even though that got it its 'R' rating, there was no language or nudity. I have to admit, after watching Quintana in all of her minimal leather outfits, the "tantric vampire sex" scene was disappointing. I can't help but feel that the director was playing with us. Regardless, the story holds together, the special effects were above average, and there were even some good actors (specifically the guy who played the captain and the environmentalist girl).

This movie is perfect for the "let's all watch a bad movie" night.