Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County

Folks, for those of you who think that Laguna Beach is a true reality show, shame on you. Other reality shows keep their cast sequestered and secluded from everyone else. I mean, if they didn't, you would see idiots jumping out of the wood works, spoiling every scene, when someone recognizes a cast member and sees the gaggle of cameramen. And the logistics of shooting simultaneous, spontaneous conversations in two or three different cities would be astronomical and bust MTV's budget. As for the vapid characters and shallow plots, come on people, when we attended high school, it wasn't exactly Dawson's Creek. They talk about junk just like other kids in high school. They whine about who's dating who, drool over the people they wish they were hooking up with, and wonder why they haven't been invited to the latest party. While the cast isn't real, the subject matter is spot on.

...than have to sit through this IQ gravity well they call a show. Laguna Beach is by far the most useless and boring show on television today.

Now I won't presume to be more intelligent than the fans of MTV's Reality Turd of the Year here, but you must literally have to shut off all major brain activity just so you can sit through an episode without reaching for the remote in order to get AS FAR AWAY from the channel as possible.

Why?

Well first off, I admit, I was initially somewhat interested because I was hoping there would be a science fiction element given the number of bleach-blonde clones running around. I thought maybe there would be hints that this was all a covert coup of some kind conceived by an alien force.

In reality, the show's premise is much more dastardly. It's based upon the selfish plot conceived by terrestrial, corporate fascists who seek to create the most inexpensive means to supply unimaginative television to a public hooked on the reality genre. The obvious flaw here is that they demonstrate American prosperity in a vacuum, where, ironically, most of the reality is EXCLUDED in order to produce the most inoffensive pablum possible for general consumption.

But what else is new? Laguna Beach is merely one example where viewers are happily being mindf***ed for their participation.

Luckily, I am not one of these viewers. I'm boycotting this crap and I encourage those not totally suckered in yet to free your minds before it is too late.

I admit: I watch Laguna Beach. I'm not that ashamed to admit it, really. But what all viewers have to understand is that the show is made for fun. It's not a serious, mind-probing, makes-you-think-real-hard type of TV entertainment. It's something that's a guilty pleasure, a substitute when the reruns of Friends are getting boring.

While I do agree that the plot (and sub-plots) are weak, there is no doubt that many people can relate to this show. Sure, not all of us drive Range Rovers and max out Daddy's credit card every weekend, but we all have a tight-knit group of friends who are always there for you, and we all experience the terrors of growing up. So exactly what does Laguna Beach: The Real OC have to offer? Hmmm...

It's got a plot, love triangles, funny crushes, ditz talk, shopping, surfing, parties, drama, and beautiful views of the beach. It's got attractive cast members who seem real and wear hot clothes. It's got bitch fights, swearing, and kissing. Hey, to be honest, that's what most shows are about anyways.

So don't just snub off the show because it sounds idiotic. Actually watch it and you'll find that it's quite addictive. You'll get sucked into the drama, the love lives, and all the things that go on down in Laguna Beach. But then again...that's why it's called reality TV.

This has to be the show that's responsible for causing part of the world to think the US is the great Satan. No, not really, but it sure doesn't help. I mean, we must look really awful to those who watch stuff like this and take it as emblematic of US society.

One thing for sure, it is the most mindless and vapid, numbingly stupid garbage I've ever seen, but I have yet to see 'The Hills', it's spin-off. That promises even more, much more, of the same nothingness.

Things that ought to be important to anyone with any sense of humanity are absent here. Things that typically are important to those who think of themselves before humanity, such as career and money, are also absent. in fact, the most common denominator of the important life functions in this tripe of programming are in line with what a pre-neanderthal might think of as important, such as who's my next mate and how can I attract him or her.

Even pre-neanderthals have one up on these young people, as the former must find their own food and shelter. What kind of life is perpetual childhood, especially perpetual tween childhood? The answer is right here, and it will make you feel ashamed this piece of the 'vast wasteland' is presented by those who've come forth from our own American culture, and seem to lack any understanding of its significance in history.

Look, if you turn to MTV for insightful, revealing programming (save, perhaps, True Life) you need to take a better look at what you're watching. Getting progressively worse, MTV's shows are shallow, materialistic and idiotic. That's not to say shows like this don't have their place (who hasn't siphoned some entertainment at such pitiful classics as Date My Mom, Parental Control or Next?) but my God, you really need to understand what it is you're watching. Laguna Beach is by far the worst excuse for reality television I have ever seen, and I'm not a fan of reality TV to begin with.

One: this is not a likely reality in that way that you know it (based on simple economical statistics). These are the airy and hollow social interactions of a bunch of spoiled teenagers who live in their own secluded little world, have everything handed to them on a silver platter, and, out of sheer boredom and listlessness, blow common social problems so far out of proportion that it takes all the will power of the viewer not to pull an Elvis and unload a round into the television. Two: this is not their reality in anyway either since there is an insane amount of editing that takes place between what actually goes on and what you end up seeing.

If you're a fan of reality TV and are willing to suspend disbelief for an agonizing half an hour, then you might enjoy this. Otherwise, you'll see this show for what it is- a bunch of snobby brats advertised as genuine everyman/woman characters that most people can relate to and generally pathetic entertainment. Watch at your own risk.