Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County

...than have to sit through this IQ gravity well they call a show. Laguna Beach is by far the most useless and boring show on television today.

Now I won't presume to be more intelligent than the fans of MTV's Reality Turd of the Year here, but you must literally have to shut off all major brain activity just so you can sit through an episode without reaching for the remote in order to get AS FAR AWAY from the channel as possible.

Why?

Well first off, I admit, I was initially somewhat interested because I was hoping there would be a science fiction element given the number of bleach-blonde clones running around. I thought maybe there would be hints that this was all a covert coup of some kind conceived by an alien force.

In reality, the show's premise is much more dastardly. It's based upon the selfish plot conceived by terrestrial, corporate fascists who seek to create the most inexpensive means to supply unimaginative television to a public hooked on the reality genre. The obvious flaw here is that they demonstrate American prosperity in a vacuum, where, ironically, most of the reality is EXCLUDED in order to produce the most inoffensive pablum possible for general consumption.

But what else is new? Laguna Beach is merely one example where viewers are happily being mindf***ed for their participation.

Luckily, I am not one of these viewers. I'm boycotting this crap and I encourage those not totally suckered in yet to free your minds before it is too late.

Folks, for those of you who think that Laguna Beach is a true reality show, shame on you. Other reality shows keep their cast sequestered and secluded from everyone else. I mean, if they didn't, you would see idiots jumping out of the wood works, spoiling every scene, when someone recognizes a cast member and sees the gaggle of cameramen. And the logistics of shooting simultaneous, spontaneous conversations in two or three different cities would be astronomical and bust MTV's budget. As for the vapid characters and shallow plots, come on people, when we attended high school, it wasn't exactly Dawson's Creek. They talk about junk just like other kids in high school. They whine about who's dating who, drool over the people they wish they were hooking up with, and wonder why they haven't been invited to the latest party. While the cast isn't real, the subject matter is spot on.

Network: MTV; Genre: Reality/Drama; Content Rating: TV-PG (some language and suggested sex involving teens); Available: DVD; Perspective: Contemporary (star range: 1 – 4);

Seasons Reviewed: 2 seasons

Any adult that voluntarily watches MTV's pseudo-reality series "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County" is going to get exactly what they expect. The show hones in on its target demographic and gives them exactly what they want in a glitzy package. For me to sit here high and mighty and decry MTV for feeding the ego of a handful of Orange County families - taking a group of spoiled in-crowd teenagers and turning them into basic cable TV stars for being everything that has made their life so easy up until that moment - would be irrelevant to the show's audience and its cynical producers.

Those corporate stooges here are creator Liz Gateley and developer Adam Davolla. "Laguna Beach" is trash. But it's hyper-stylized trash. Cameras capture events with angles impossible to have taken all at once and show is shaped into a such-as-it-is narrative structure. And there in lies the rub and, you might argue, the evil genius on MTV's part. The show falls in a surreal valley for the viewer: to technically polished to be real, yet so frivolous, so lazy, about so little, that who in their right mind would go to the trouble to fake or script it.

Supposedly the seasons were shot over the course of 6 months, the people, situations and "drama"… are real - as real as the real orange county (take that Josh Schwartz). The "drama" is all inconsequential relationship entanglements that the characters voluntarily bring upon themselves. Those characters - a group of barely distinguishable sun worshipers who continually swap partners amongst their own incestuous group, then gossip and cry about who is with who now. They do nothing in the world but sit in the hot tub, shop, party and gossip. The girl's vocabulary consists of saying everything is "cute" and the guys have almost no vocabulary at all – struggling to grunt out monosyllabic expressions amid blank stares and silence. Aren't they cute? But even if the bubbliest teenage girl doesn't mind being pandered to, if they step back and look at it they might realize that "Laguna" violates law of inevitability # 1 for why reality shows don't work: real people are usually not very interesting – and it doesn't matter how many times they go to Cabo, how many times their car stalls in the street, how many times they get cheated on, or how many beach bonfires they go to. Having been pampered their entire lives has prevented the "Laguna" gang from growing a sense of humor. The guy's idea of a practical joke is to dress up in a bear costume and crawl into a tent, or don ski masks and stalk outside a girl's poker party smearing fake blood on the window.

The bear costume comedy genius: Stephen (Stephen Colletti), who is presented through the show and the eyes of LC (Lauren Conrad) and her friends as God's gift to women. They sit around for hours talking about this guy and with feet-sweeping one-liners like "You're a hottie with a body" how can they not. The other series "stud", particularly in season 2 is Jason, whose half of the conversation is consists of sitting in silence and answering questions with questions. My favorite is when he says he's mad at his girlfriend for the look on her face. She responds "How do I look?" and he goes "You tell me". His jerk tactics work like magic on every girl on the show. In season 2 their world revolves around him.

The star of the series is Kristin (Cavalleri) – and arguably LC. Both of whom serve as narrators. Both are the poster children perpetuating MTV's narcissistic lifestyle. Kristin is the "player" of the group who gets away with it with a laugh and a smile from all her friends because she's a girl. Lauren plays the nice girl role that falls for all the jerks, knowing that they are jerks, and ends every first date in the hot tub. I'm all about anti-heroes, always have been. The kids of "Laguna" led by Kristin are prime examples – but there is no way MTV had that in mind when stitching the show together. Instead of ironically mocking them, the show is a slobbering celebration of their life. But it's a life where the girls spend most of their time sitting around being victims to apathetic dudes with a reputation for cheating who then cheat on them. Giving Kristin and LC a complete pass for similar piggish behavior, the inevitable message shaped by "Laguna Beach" becomes simply: boys suck.

I'm going to have to admit total lack of comprehension with the show's storyline. The kids of "Laguna Beach" appear to graduate from high school and leave for college twice. The show has a morbid fascination to it, like watching a snake eat a rat or driving past a nasty head-on collision. But if you were able to read this review, you know this much.

The show might have worked by putting an ironic or satirical eye on their antics. But MTV wants these kids to be role models to melt the minds of a generation of girls so they will expect nothing more in their entertainment. Without giving away plot lines, Lauren does something completely random and out of character in the final few episodes that gives her a dramatic arc. It's almost as if she's making a play for a spin-off…

* / 4

Look, if you turn to MTV for insightful, revealing programming (save, perhaps, True Life) you need to take a better look at what you're watching. Getting progressively worse, MTV's shows are shallow, materialistic and idiotic. That's not to say shows like this don't have their place (who hasn't siphoned some entertainment at such pitiful classics as Date My Mom, Parental Control or Next?) but my God, you really need to understand what it is you're watching. Laguna Beach is by far the worst excuse for reality television I have ever seen, and I'm not a fan of reality TV to begin with.

One: this is not a likely reality in that way that you know it (based on simple economical statistics). These are the airy and hollow social interactions of a bunch of spoiled teenagers who live in their own secluded little world, have everything handed to them on a silver platter, and, out of sheer boredom and listlessness, blow common social problems so far out of proportion that it takes all the will power of the viewer not to pull an Elvis and unload a round into the television. Two: this is not their reality in anyway either since there is an insane amount of editing that takes place between what actually goes on and what you end up seeing.

If you're a fan of reality TV and are willing to suspend disbelief for an agonizing half an hour, then you might enjoy this. Otherwise, you'll see this show for what it is- a bunch of snobby brats advertised as genuine everyman/woman characters that most people can relate to and generally pathetic entertainment. Watch at your own risk.

Laguna Beach is probably one of the greatest shows on MTV. It follows the lives of high school students living in the picture-perfect town of Laguna Beach, California. The show is filled with cat-fights, hook-ups, and just plain backstabbing and even more! the 1st season was hosted by Lauren Conrad (a.k.a LC). 1st season was mainly about the love triangle between LC, Kristen and Stephen. With other characters like Morgan, Christina, Trey and Lo. 2nd season is hosted by Kristen, she is dealing with the return of LC and Stephen and her friend's Jessica's boyfriend problems with Jason. Laguna Beach is definitely a great guilty pleasure and i would recommend it 2 anybody who loves reality TV filled with drama!