The Poseidon Adventure

By accident, we rented this instead of the original. I couldn't imagine this movie being any worse. Several scenes and characters have been added, which have no real value. There's the guy from police academy in some awful "divorce" angle. A fake ex-American idol contestant sings a whole song for no reason. There's a kids who's not just annoying, but is making humorous handi-cam films with the help of the zany crew. And oh yeah, there's a terror attack, because the dead horse is only half-beaten by TV standards, I guess. There's also a creepy old crewman who's trying to get with some teenager, and the priest in this film is a far weaker character/actor.

Add in some of the most un-inspired editing, music, and dialogue imaginable and that sums up the worst of this movie. I'd rather draw a picture of boat upside-down and stare at it for two hours rather than repeat watching 10 min. of this film.

How can I begin? It should have been called The Love Boat VII. There is nothing even interesting about this movie. Would anyone involved win this movie use it on their CV? It was one of four movies on a $5 DVD in the delete bin at Walmart. This movie cost $1.25 and at that was overpriced. I noticed that the Australian version of this thing was considerably shorter than the general release version and had we not fast forwarded through every piece of "significant" dialogue I would have kicked myself for not searching out the Aussie release.

I am somewhat grateful however knowing that should I decide to finish my story about the workday of a toll-booth collector, there are producers out there waiting. Rutger Hauer and Steve Gutenberg are already cast.

A chimpanzee could write a better screenplay by sticking a crayon where the sun don't shine and squatting over a copy of the National Enquirer.

This is without a doubt the worst TV movie I have ever seen.

How tripe like this gets through to the point of being screened is beyond me.

The acting is shied, the script rubbish, the effects.. well, what effects, there is no tension, no drama... nothing.

In our house we were laughing all the way through and predicting who was going to die and when. It was remarkably easy especially at the end when the "terrorist" and the hot chick who had the affair with married guy had to die. (This did raise the question as to why the cheating husband lives but no the single hot chick?)

OK, this movie was not saved even by ADAM BALDWIN!! And what's up with ROBOCOP getting shot so soon in the movie? He was horrible!! And he was drinking on duty? And then there is that dude from Police Academy. Oh my GOD he was sad. When he said "Cruiseships are not supposed to capsize" I almost barfed out a lung. I mean, this was sad. Then there is Rutger Hauer and C Thomas Howell as a Priest and Ships doctor respectively? I was half expecting Rutger to allude to "The Hitcher" and talk about the juice that spurts out of an eyeball when stabbed. Then there is that dude who is a poor man's Michael Caine! Yes, that annoying Aussie from Cocktail. He was PATHETIC as a poorly baked cake on Hitler's birthday. His acting was sad and NOT good. Then there was this CRUISE SHIP that TERRORISTS happened to infiltrate? I have been on Carnival Cruise Line and trust me, there are NO TERRORIST LOOKING DUDES EVEN ALLOWED to work on those boats!! If you look like HodGee from Johnny Qwest, then you DO NOT GET HIRED! Avoid this movie and save yourself from TORTURE IN THE NINTH DEGREE OF HELL!

I don't remember much about the original because it has been so many years. But surely it was better than this. The sight of a man falling through a stained glass window (one of the clips shown numerous times over the years) seemed much more exciting the first time around.

If this version had any redeeming qualities, it was the story of the troubled Clarke family. Teenage daughter Shelby was cute when she complained and when she fell for the doctor immediately. Later her skills as a nursing student proved valuable. I really liked her younger brother Dylan as he tried to film what was happening on the ship. The parents bickered like any couple having a hard time, and we found out their marriage may have been in real trouble.

I also liked Bishop Schmidt and sort of liked the romantic storyline (assuming he wasn't Catholic, though he probably was) with Belle Rosen.

The woman in charge of the rescue operation, whose name I don't remember, had such a wonderful attitude. Regardless of how many people are saved, it's a tragedy if any die. The actress playing her was good.

The first five minutes were a waste, though, with the type violence one might find in the movies of Jean-Claude Van Damme. I can't really evaluate the quality of what happened after the terrorist act which, combined with some poor judgment by the captain during a storm, led to you-know-what. For one thing, my NBC signal wasn't good that night. From what I could tell, nothing was spectacular. The rescue efforts by those on the ship and outside the ship were interesting at best. I really got tired of the fighting over who was in charge.

The only purpose for a remake was introducing modern technology. Not really worth it.