The Crop

As I left the cinema, I commented to my wife: 'Well, that was a waste of time'. This really is proof that Australian movie making is not hitting the mark at all right now. This movie follows the idiom that if you place a character (with a lovable quality) in situational comedy, and let the underdog win, it will be a hit. This time it has failed dismally.

In what is essentially a "romp through 1980's Australian bloke-type culture" the anachronisms are cringable. Stereotypical bent cops, a bad guy moneylender, predictable story line, unexplained plot developments make this a chore to watch. Unfortunately, even with the addition of a pre=op transvestite, a positively unremarkable and generally unlikeable principle character (Blade) and even with the talents of normally reliably funny Rhys Muldoon, this movie fails to make even B Grade status.

I just did not relate to or care about any of the characters. The romance linkages, of which there are two, were just not engaging. I was not drawn into the story and as an indicator; I caught myself looking at my watch, checking the time six times through the movie. (Why did I count that?)

George Elliot who plays Ronnie 'Blade' Gillette, wrote this film 'for people - just ordinary, average Aussie people'. Did I miss the point to this inane story? As an actor he makes a good hotel operator, a jet helicopter pilot and professional Nascar racer, all part of his previous claims to fame. I commend the drive it takes to do this, but it really needs help and direction.

Sadly, there was potential in the plot, and some good work has been wasted, as the production quality was good for me. The sets looked genuine, from what I remember from those times. There is some great characterisation work in the cast, but without the depth in the story to support them, it is wasted.

I suppose the meaning of this movie will strike me in the future as the synapses flash in my non-drug influenced brain in the next few weeks, but for now I have missed the point. Maybe by the time the sequel comes out…

4/10

I love crops. I did a course in crop. Did you know it was a T- level and did you know pigs weigh 500 stone and we learnt that in class getting ready for th harvest. Di you know that the harvest will be bountiful this year and did you know even though everyone in school thinks m crops are wilting they ARENT. Also I went to the swimming pool and saw the pigs doing back stroke all throughout the lengths of the olympic sized pool. Did you know that the were vey good and they swim up to 500 stones in length. Did you know that my crop are NOT wilting. And I also went to my crops and saw them and they were cute. Did you know I like to sing to my crops Fugazi and such. Did you know my crops love TX2 also where is this crop I wold like to sing parents by yungblud to it.

THE CROP has gotten the worst reviews of any Australian film in memory, not a real test because the majority of product is never seen by anyone who is likely to go into print about it. Some of the more austere local writers have called it the worst Australian film ever made - this from the country that produced Charles Chauvel's UNCIVILISED, Tony Ginnane's TURKEY SHOOT and Tracey Moffat's BEDEVIL - give me a break!

THE CROP is a a dog eared, jokey crime piece set in the eighties when it's author-producer-star's character is running a semi legitimate strip club by paying off the cops who are supplying the dope that his newly booze breath test fearful customers smoke in the parking lot before coming in to look at the girls for free. Being an enterprising type, he decides to get out from under by growing his own marijuana crop, which is beset by calamities from hungry bunnies to greedy Drug Squad coppers.

The plot has a nice anti-establishment quality that matches WOG BOY more than any other local film. Short, balding, barrel chested Elliot and model/actress Brisley, last seen hosting old Warner cartoons on local TV, make a rather endearing couple, particularly when doing their song together at the club. The misfit, commitment-shy good guys and their determined lady friends aren't something we are used to seeing in anyone's movies and the handling is better than expected - strike up the music when they hit the dirt back roads or repeat the mean money lender HQ montage each time the low life shows up. Now we're not talking Walter Hill here. There are disturbing holes in the action. Why does Elliot show up starkers? What became of the doper informant? Back focus is not absent. Its biggest fault is that THE CROP goes on too long but in the company of the funded, script developed, politically correct Australian film, this one represents a modest peak.

So why is it getting so much flack? Easy answer. This one is privately financed. The usual list of government agencies, that prop up most of these, is missing from the end roller. Where are the people who get to send their kids to a nice school or support their habit doing assessments, fifth script drafts or consultations on this one? That's not the way it works in an operation where actually making a film is incidental to the process. Too many rice bowls risk getting broken if that catches on.

It annoys me when a film gets a big screen release due to the sole fact that someone has influence .... this film is obviously backed by the author who has more dollars than sense. My annoyance comes from the fact that in a land (Australia) where film continues to take two steps forward then the odd step back a film such as this appears on the billboards of a popular cinema; not a run down DVD/Video store; the poster depicting an off beat comedy. Film viewers may be hoodwinked into thinking this may just be another "Little Aussie Gem".

In the case of "The Crop" they could not have been more wrong. It is a "Crok"; a crok of the worst type of celluloid tripe I have seen in some 5 to 10 years. The characters are desperately unlikable,the plot was obviously never a concern so was thus forgotten and the theme was obviously never quite decided upon even though the film was both cut an placed in the can.

My criticisms are harsh but if there are people reading this who have seen this crok then there is nothing more surer than the fact that they will agree with my utterances. I am however predicting a future for this "Little Not So Aussie Gem".

Yes I'm recommending that teachers, lecturers, media analysts secure a copy, even buy one to use as a tool(but only if you get a tax deduction). A tool to show innocent students and future film makers some outstanding examples of key film making no no's.

How not to devise dialogue which includes contemporary slang when the film depicts another era. How best to audition actors giving them a sense of how their character will shine!

My list is long so I won't go further in case I spoil the plot ... well there never really was a plot but it might spoil something about the education tool. And please don't forget, you should only see this crok if you can influence people educationally in the world of film. Certainly don't waste hard earned dollars in a cinema .. besides your time will be better spent mowing a lawn or planting a seed which might flower but never smoked ...

This film was panned by the chattering classes, including the fossils on "At the Movies", yet it is many times better than the sanctimonious tripe pumped out every night in "soap time" on TV.

This is a very good attempt by a first timer and Indie. Sure it had its problems but it is far form "the worst Aussie film ever" or words to that effect. I've walked out on numerous films that deserve that award; the all time flopperoo would have to be "Wannabes". I enjoyed this film for what it is – an unpretentious romp about a knockabout bloke down on his luck.

I say good on you George Elliott for having a go. Forget the knockers, they have no talent other than to knock, and that's nothing to be proud of.