Les 7 Momies

Two haggard old men are dragging a coffin full of gold coins out in the desert, long story short they're killed. Fast forward to present day which has 6 convicts escaping when their transport crashes in the same aforementioned desert. Taking the hot prison guard hostage, and on their way to the border of Mexico, they run into an elderly Indian (played by Danny Trejo!!) who tells them of how riches beyond their wildest dreams could be had buried under an old ghost town. They decide to take a detour to get this gold while Trejo laughs... for minutes on end. However all the denizens of said town are a little long in the fang, to say the least. The community headed by Drake (good ol' Billy Drago) has plans for these convicts. This flick while never something even approaching what someone might deem good, was enjoyable enough...up to a point. That point being when all the illogical nonsense going on got so high that I didn't know what the hell was going on, much less cared. It would have made an interesting 20 minute short MAYBE, but as a feature film, it meandered too often. Drago was the main draw for this one, as Danny Trejo, normally great, is just plain weird in the movie. Too make matters worse the nudity is very poorly lit.

Eye Candy: it's very darkly lit, but Ananda St. James does bare her humongous rack

My Grade: D+

Having just watched Ted Mikels' film "Apartheid Slave-Women's Justice", I was amazingly lenient when it came to viewing "Seven Mummies". That's because "Apartheid" and many of Mikels' other films are NOT on the IMDb Bottom 100 list--and should be. So, by comparison, "Seven Mummies" doesn't look THAT bad--but it still is bad.

The plot is the weird sort of concept that works best as a video game--sort of like "Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare". Seriously--which is the zombie western sequel to "Red Dead Redemption". It has plenty of shooting and violence and bloody gore, but as a film, it lacks plot and dialog--minor things that tend to make a movie worth watching! This movie begins in the present day with a group of prisoners escaping and heading into the desert. They wander into a strange western town--circa 1870. Now this SHOULD have been their first clue that this was NOT a town where they should stay. But, there are lots of hookers--and these sleazy men have been locked up for some time. So, they stick around for some fun--and in the middle of this, the townspeople become zombies of sorts--and the zombie prostitutes start tearing several of the prisoners apart. However, the townsfolk seem relatively easy to kill--and you don't even need a head shot! But, there are so many, they still don't seem to stand a chance. And, after a while, it all becomes more and more boring--as there is NO PLOT--just zombie/vampire/mummy folks trying to kill our anti-heroes. I say zombie/vampire/mummy because they eat flesh (so they must be zombies), they call each other vampires (ditto) and the film has mummy in the title (ditto). Whatever...all I know is that the film was, as I said, like watching a video game. Not much plot, terrible acting and dialog--I can see how it made the Bottom 100 list, but frankly it's not among the 100 worst films I've seen. Isn't it sad that there are MANY films worse than this?!

First let me say I'm sorry for your pain and suffering if you have already seen this movie. The movie is no more than a poor at best attempt of an ongoing subject, Mummies and their curse. I'm still trying to figure out where the title "7 Mummies" comes from. Unless I missed something, which is possible since I had no problem going to the fridge without pausing this waste of time, I only counted 2 mummies. If the movie itself wasn't enough to make you cringe, the soundtrack will at the very least will give you a "headbanging headache".The bottom line is that if it weren't for Cerina Vincent and the "Vamp Tramps",it wouldn't have even gotten a 3! The best part of this movie other than looking Ms Vincent was the fact that it is only 80 minutes long. Good thing, I don't think I could have taken much more.

I don't even know where to begin. Just watching this movie all the way to the end was painful. The plot jumped around non-stop, and it was practically impossible to follow, even though it was incredibly simplistic. Other reviews claimed that the casting and makeup were 'great', but I didn't think that either was especially good. I can't comment on the 'stunts' because there weren't any that were bigger than someone rolling off a 1-storey roof onto the ground.

The lighting throughout the whole movie was horrible, so it was difficult to even see what was going on half the time. The music was poorly chosen and was played so loud that it drowned out the dialog. Although, drowning out the dialog may have been a good thing since the dialog itself was dull and repetitive. The so-called climax of the movie was in fact the most anti-climactic part of the movie.

I strongly recommend that anyone considering seeing this movie should NOT see it instead. It's too bad the vote system won't accept votes lower than 1.

Admitted, I love bad movies (eg. Evil alien conquerors) and horror movies, but this movie was however bad in a REALLY bad way. It made absolutely no sense what so ever, horrible lighting, disastrous camera work, acting, etc...

It seems the people writing the script thought of "cool" ideas for a 30 minutes movie and then just filled in the rest with meaningless nonsense. I cannot believe anybody would put their names on this kind of crap.

I could go on for pages about how horrible it was, but being the optimist I am, I will mention the only two good things about the movie: It was the first movie I have seen, containing Ninja-Priest-Mummies and it contained quite some large boobies. Besides that it absolutely sucked ass!

Do not watch this movie without serious masochistic tendencies!