The Helix... Loaded

God awful movie (if you can call it that) with terrible plot and terrible premise. Everything about it was bad - Horrible editing, music, acting, effects and plot line. I am surprised the filmmakers would even dare put out such a horrible film. I can't imagine anyone (besides the filmmakers and their friends) giving this a good review. Having been a huge fan of The Matrix films, I imagined at least one funny thing about this movie but I can't even think of one. Films such as Hot Shots and Scary Movie knew how to spoof films correctly. Don't bother to give any of these people any money's worth to this film. I could not resist the urge to warn viewers out there about a worse film. You'll kick yourself later.

I give it a 10, tho it deserves 7. But I give 10/10 to balance the low score which movie did not deserved. It is a nice parody on the Matrix. A lot of really funny jokes there. There were few jokes which I laugh to tears and replayed them many times. I am very thankful that there some people did this funny movie.

I loved the Matrix films and love good spoofs (AIRPLAINE, BLAZING SADDLES, SCARY MOVIE, etc.), but this movie was a huge disappointment. I saw it in an empty theater and fell asleep 3 times. The director seems to have never seen a good spoof in his life. I just mimics every scene from the MATRIX without adding anything original, much less, funny. The actors are so stiff and have such bad timing, it is like watching a high school improv class. The movie looks like it was shot on a handicam, but it has some relatively professional digital effects. However, a pretty bow and some wrapping paper can't make this stink bomb funny.

The Helix Loaded is a low budget spoof of The Matrix trilogy, Minority Report, The Incredible Hulk, Fight Club and many more. As a low budget feature shot on miniDV it is certainly rough around the edges, though that adds to the charm. What elevates this film above the drek of low-budget indies are some surprisingly good special effects (impressive bullet-time, wire-fu effects) as well as its irreverent sense of psychedelic humor. This one has the potential to be a cult classic.

Who could not be charmed by a guy in a bunny suit, an enlightenment drug in the shape of a gummy bear and VANILLA ICE kicking ass?!? :-) And Scotty Levy's 'The Other One' is a dead-on take on Keannu Reeves.

Funny stuff.

Director A. Raven Cruz has managed to effectively make one long tribute to the creative talents of Phil Tucker (Robot Monster), Hal Warren (Manos, the Hand of Fate), and the ubiquitous Edward D. Wood.

Now Phil Tucker at least worked with Lenny Bruce, and did have a rudimentary knowledge of editing (how else could he have cut all that stock footage into his films). And Hall Warren at least had the common decency to stop making films, after his first one. And Ed Wood, well bless his pointed angora draped head, he was just too wacky to ignore. But one thing these guys all had in common, they tried to tell a story.

The Helix: Loaded is a vanity piece masquerading as a movie. Anyone that could look at this film and believe it deserves a "10" has been sitting in a closed garage with the engine running. "The Helix: Loaded" doesn't simply suck. It Swallows!