The Helix... Loaded

I loved the Matrix films and love good spoofs (AIRPLAINE, BLAZING SADDLES, SCARY MOVIE, etc.), but this movie was a huge disappointment. I saw it in an empty theater and fell asleep 3 times. The director seems to have never seen a good spoof in his life. I just mimics every scene from the MATRIX without adding anything original, much less, funny. The actors are so stiff and have such bad timing, it is like watching a high school improv class. The movie looks like it was shot on a handicam, but it has some relatively professional digital effects. However, a pretty bow and some wrapping paper can't make this stink bomb funny.

Director A. Raven Cruz has managed to effectively make one long tribute to the creative talents of Phil Tucker (Robot Monster), Hal Warren (Manos, the Hand of Fate), and the ubiquitous Edward D. Wood.

Now Phil Tucker at least worked with Lenny Bruce, and did have a rudimentary knowledge of editing (how else could he have cut all that stock footage into his films). And Hall Warren at least had the common decency to stop making films, after his first one. And Ed Wood, well bless his pointed angora draped head, he was just too wacky to ignore. But one thing these guys all had in common, they tried to tell a story.

The Helix: Loaded is a vanity piece masquerading as a movie. Anyone that could look at this film and believe it deserves a "10" has been sitting in a closed garage with the engine running. "The Helix: Loaded" doesn't simply suck. It Swallows!

The Helix Loaded is a low budget spoof of The Matrix trilogy, Minority Report, The Incredible Hulk, Fight Club and many more. As a low budget feature shot on miniDV it is certainly rough around the edges, though that adds to the charm. What elevates this film above the drek of low-budget indies are some surprisingly good special effects (impressive bullet-time, wire-fu effects) as well as its irreverent sense of psychedelic humor. This one has the potential to be a cult classic.

Who could not be charmed by a guy in a bunny suit, an enlightenment drug in the shape of a gummy bear and VANILLA ICE kicking ass?!? :-) And Scotty Levy's 'The Other One' is a dead-on take on Keannu Reeves.

Funny stuff.

Let me just say that I liked Helix. I really did. For a low-budget spoof, it came across incredibly well. The special effects were very high caliber at times, the performance of the actors was believable, and the writing was good.

However, this isn't a movie I could recommend to plop down the 9 bucks I did to see it. It's good, in an "insomniac-can't-sleep-turn-on-the-TV" kind of way. An enjoyable movie that should be a stable in any spoof lovers video collection.

Why not a big screen caliber performance? Well, it dragged at times. While most of the jokes were funny, very few made me laugh hysterically (i.e. Jim Carry or Dave Chappelle). The scenery and props were passable and created a quasi-believable backdrop for the story, but everything seemed a bit too grungy at times and the lack of high quality video gave the movie an aged cheap look (maybe that was the point).

I give it a 10, tho it deserves 7. But I give 10/10 to balance the low score which movie did not deserved. It is a nice parody on the Matrix. A lot of really funny jokes there. There were few jokes which I laugh to tears and replayed them many times. I am very thankful that there some people did this funny movie.