Adventures of Young Van Helsing: The Quest for the Lost Scepter

There is not one good thing that can be said about this awful film. The "acting" was horrible. To even call it acting is an insult to real actors. It was worse than kindergarten kids reciting a poem. The professor character pushed his glasses up on his nose so often the you wanted to super glue them to his face to stop the annoyance. The direction was so bad that it seemed not to exist at all. The pace was so slow that a scene that should have taken 1 minute went on for 4. The last scene of this atrocity was an extended music video of a tuneless song done at a high school dance that went on forever. The only good part of the film occurred when "The End" flashed on the screen.

This is to director Kevin Summerfield what the Holocaust is to Hitler--a masterpiece.

This seems to be a film made for tweens, but at the same time it's rather bloody and gory. If I were a tween, I'd think this film has the worst acting, ever. As an older and more mature person, I can say that it just has the worst acting I've ever seen. The back of the box advertises that the story involves a "whimsical" professor. Now, I've seen some whimsical professors in my day, but nothing tops this guy. He looks like they walked into Whimsy Mart, asked him if he ever had a hidden passion for acting, and then superglued an Einstein wig to his head. At one point, there's a closeup where he opens a door, and his head moves in and out of the frame, as if saying "HA! I AM FAR TOO WHIMSICAL FOR A MEASLY CLOSE-UP!" It's also hilariously, ineptly racist. I can't possibly believe that in the year 2004 a movie was made that features a black man looking at something and shouting "DAAAAYYYYUUMMMM!", but this movie does. The plot, which helpfully has a flashback at the beginning, and a bizarre tangent of a flashback near the end that make the plot only even more retarded. There's a time-telling device that is obviously a CD player painted tan with jewels on it. I really wonder if this wasn't a student film, but Kevin Summerfield has been making movies for a few years before this one.

If you see this in the five dollar bin at Wal-Mart (which thankfully I did not have to go through the trauma of, and saw this through a friend), you probably will not want to pick it up. Unless, of course, you are a racist, retarded sort of pre-teen.

One word: crap. An excellent definition for the most terrible "movie" ever made. The acting was as good as a school play, the special effects were little better than home movies, and the only reason anyone should ever watch this movie is if they want to watch something so stupid it's terribly funny. It is not even close to being as good as Saturday Night Lives sketches, but what's even more funny is that SNL is supposed to be funny! So, I recommend it for widdle kids who have ADD and want to watch it with some pizza. Other than that, it deserves the Golden Turkey Award. And I remind you what I said earlier. CRAP. And more Crap. Nothing more, remember crap and its smell have always been funny to people, and, of course, mostly leetle kindergarten-goers.

If your kids like the "Goosebumps" series, this made for video flick is for them! Decent production values, a likeable lead, a terrific villain (played by Indy "scream king" Joe Zaso!), a few cute chicks (loved the southern belle) and great horror special makeup effects (especially the cut "zombie dog" sequence - bravo!) add up to a fun flick for the 'tween set (those between kid and teenager, of course). Also enjoyed the fun music video! All in all, a fair film hampered only by clumsy editing and overacting by some of the supporting players. Writer/director Summerfield caters to the intended audience, while throwing horror and adventure film buffs a few bones. The DVD has some nice extras as well. Older horror film fans will likely groan a bit, but the kids will get a kick out of it! A fun rental for a stormy night sleepover!

I notice that this movie has received a few pans. Lets give Keith Jordan a break. Looks like he is paying his dues in the industry. If you remember Arnold in Conan the Barbarian (can we say "wooden"?), he wasn't exactly the brightest bulb in the movie industry. He has certainly improved! Keith should at least rate a C (even if it is just for cute), and guess we have to give the professor an E for effort (call me an optimist). The idea is good, and though this movie reminds me of a college film project, perhaps they deserve a chance to improve. One does learn from doing. I really liked the music that was at the rolling of the end credits. The xylophone was reminiscent of bones, which I am sure was the intent. I bought this with my granddaughter in mind, as I think it is aimed at a young teen audience. Lets see if they improve with the next one. Give 'em a chance, people!