Santa's Slay

Twenty years later, this movie falls flat. A big part of that is that David Harbour played Santa (in Violent Night) with a lot more charisma. This looked like an indie film, but was missing the heart. A big problem with wrestlers in non wrestling movies is that they bring the ring presence. However, in "the real world", that doesn't translate. Santa powerbombing someone seems like a lot of work for little return. This is one and done for me.

The plot had moments, but, they weren't tied together - more like someone wrote a line, and said, Hey, that's good!, and that's where it ended. Special effects were not "special", so, they weren't engaging. If anything, this COULD be remade with 1. Better production values 2. Better script and 3. Better acting. Sometimes, trying isn't enough.

Well, the freaking Holidays are coming up again and, since you can't watch Dickens' "Christmas Carol" every damn year, the lowest shelf of your local videostore might offer some variety! This is where you're most likely to find "Santa's Slay"; a pleasantly deranged and hugely entertaining new horror comedy stuffed with season's beatings and blood-red nosed...buffaloes! As from Christmas 2005, Santa is no longer the chubby bringer of joy and presents, but once again the sadistic and HO-HO-HO-Horrendous offspring of Satan he was thousand years ago, until losing a bet against an good-hearted angel. After a couple of pointless but hilarious stops to slaughter annoying sitcom actors like Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan, the mad as hell Santa heads for the township of Hell (which really exists, only it's a Norway) to take revenge on the clever angel – who became human in the meantime – and his faggoty grandson. "Santa's Slay" is a very untraditional horror-holiday movie, with a really stupid plot and lousy gore effects, but you can't help laughing at wrestling legend Bill Goldberg in the role of baddest Santa. And even though he won't win any Academy Awards anytime soon, he's certainly a lot better/cooler than his colleague Hulk Hogan was in "Santa With Muscles". He and gorgeous Emilie De Ravin are the only cast members worth mentioning, by the way, as the male leads are embarrassingly weak. Especially that Douglas Smith boy! He's only fit to play the high-school nerd, but not as a battler against evil demons. "Santa's Slay" is an insignificant but FUN b-movie with some inventive killings, tongue-in-cheek humor, gorgeous strippers and exploding children! Enjoy.

It's not that kind of slayer movie with a psycho dressed in a Santa costume, but a fantasy horror comedy with the "real" Santa Claus who is actually a demon that lost a bet with an Angel in ancient times.

Because he lost the bet, he must be a good guy and give presents to kids for Christmas, but after 1000 years he has the right to get back to his evil habits and now he suddenly becomes a slayer Santa.

The movie is really interesting and entertaining. Even if there are a lot of sadistic killings, they are not scary and would never be dangerous to kids. So let them watch this movie without restrictions.

I give it a 10 out of 10 for the very well done black humor.

I was confused when I saw this movie. Santa (Bill Goldberg) is the son-of-Satan and is out to scare children after a thousand years of imprisonment. he is killing for no other reason then to kill. Standing in his way is the man who imprisoned him to serve the children, Grandpa (Robert Culp) and his grandson Nicholas (Douglas Smith).

For some odd reason, Santa finds the oddest way of killing people: lighting people on fire with coal, choking them with a wreath, or just running them over with his reindeer. For two hours or so we watch two stupid teenagers run around and hide, finally leading to a rocket launcher blowing up a reindeer.

In the end I was just like WTF. I was confused, lost, and a little humored by the movie. The fight scenes with Goldberg are pretty cool and sometimes he does act well. In the end, the film doesn't make any sense, it's stupid, but it's pretty funny when you don't care what you're watching. Seeing Goldberg actually try to act is hilarious but some of his lines did make me laugh and in the end did give a convincing performance. The best was the giant reindeer. that pulled his sled.

If you watch it, don't expect a masterpiece, actually don't expect much at all. Just watch it for the action, not the story.

Santa's Slay. Starring: Robert Culp, bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, and Emilie de Ravin.

2 1/2 out of 5 Stars.

It must be hard being a popular wrestler. People pay money to see you, to cheer for you, to buy your merchandise, and generally to make you feel like more then the average man. It makes you think that if they were willing to do all that, they'd be willing to follow you if you attempt other projects as well.

And they do. But mainly to make fun of it.

Then again, it seems like wrestlers are united in their substandard film choices. Hulk Hogan's, whose wrestling stardom was heavily influenced by his guest appearance in Rocky III, movie career reads like a "What Not To Do When Picking A Script". Steve Austin, Triple H, and Adam Copeland (Edge) won't exactly be remembered for their marks in Hollywood either (Only the future will tell if The Rock breaks the mold or follows in their footsteps). And then along comes a film like this, starring former WCW dynamo Bill Goldberg.

Surprisingly, it's not all bad.

True, one shouldn't go into the film expecting a fully sensible plot, or a masterwork of acting, or extremely convincing special effects (look out for the prone motionless 'hell-deer!'). However, the film does contain a few likable characters, some decent puns in the Christmas vein (along with some excruciating ones), and half the time, Goldberg actually manages to make the concept of Santa really being an evil entity comes off as credible. And of course, any film that presents the credit sequence as a naughty and nice list can't be all bad.

In the end, it's not Santa With Muscles.

And that's really saying something.