Timesweep

Hang on, don't blink, or you'll miss something in this campy tribute to the genre. It's all here - bugs, boobs, blood, and every monster in every pizza nightmare you've ever had, plus, the fatalistic character who's manta is `We're all gonna die! We're all gonna die!' Throw in some mysterious time travel, and hey, it's covered all the bases.

I suspect some of the cast might have ended up in another line of work, but props go out to Sandra Beer for giving the guys some topless action and being a helluva good screamer. And, kudos to the scriptwriters for giving Miss Shoulder Pads of 1986 what's coming to her halfway through the movie. The foreshadowing of her mirror obsession early on wasn't lost on me.

The movie builds up some very nice momentum with the carnage, beheadings, impalings and your run-of-the-mill bloody demises. The fog is thicker than the plot, but the premise holds its own through the film.

In spite of the bad acting (and isn't that a gold standard in B movies?), the it's-been-done-before monsters and cheesy special effects, for B movie aficionados, this campy tribute to horror movies is pretty damn entertaining.

TIMESWEEP is a pretty typical independently produced 80s horror film designed for the then booming direct-to-video market. The basic idea is a fun one wherein a group of people are swept up in the title phenomenon within which they encounter people, creatures and events from throughout time who have also been caught up in their own "Timesweep." There's aliens, Roman soldiers, a seriously cheesy dinosaur-like-thing along with petty infighting and lots of gore, in jokes and girls getting their clothes torn off.

The cast is very uneven, with some giving solid performances and others coming across like community theater rejects. The effects, except for the lizard man, are OK but less than special and the buns, breasts and bush on display are fairly entertaining. There's not much plot but most of it moves quickly and I liked the idea that one of the group was there deliberately- he knew about the Timesweeps and when and where they'd happen- in an attempt to find the wife he'd lost to another Timesweep years ago.

If you've watched the kind of 80s films Fred Olen Ray, Charles Band or Dave DeCoteau made and found them fun, then this one might be good for a giggle. Just don't get your hopes too high.

This is one of those films where the writer obviously thought it would be a clever idea to name the characters after horror luminaries; it wasn't. However, with H.G.Lewis being one of the genre greats given a name check, I had hopes that some graphic gore would make up for the lack of originality; it didn't.

There's a couple of reasonably juicy death scenes, and one awesome moment where a guy gets his head torn off by a monster (the creature following this by ripping the clothes off a blonde), but the majority of the film is crap that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever: having wandered into an abandoned film studio, a group of people find themselves unable to leave thanks to a poisonous fog, and are hunted down by a savage monster and some zombies. The messy script makes a weak attempt to explain events (some rot about time shifts) but logic is in short supply (there's even a flying saucer for some reason).

Horror/fantasy fans might have some fun with all of the references (Arkoff, Agar, Romero, Arne Saknussemm, London After Midnight), but I imagine most people will quickly tire of the aimless wandering around dark corridors and gloomy rooms.

3.5/10, generously rounded up to 4 for the bloody decapitation/gratuitous nudity double whammy.

OK, so the acting isn't that great, the budget is low, and the story doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Fair enough, but I actually enjoyed watching this movie quite a bit and have no complaints. This is the type of forgotten trash that I would have stayed up until 3AM watching when I was like 15 years old or so and even now the film, despite its obvious faults, is engaging enough to keep you focused and watching it until the bitter end. There is decent gore, aliens, and a pretty good scene where a chick gets her clothes torn off by some sort of monster. It isn't epic, but fans of 80's B-Movie trash should seek this one out.

Yes, these are real reviews- but all is not as it seems, as will be explained later. Timesweep is a classic example of a movie whose reach tries to exceed its grasp- and for the most part, fails to achieve the majority of its lofty goals. What obviously started out as an homage to the low budget sci-fi and gore films of the 70's and 80's has instead become a parody of all the bad horror movies inflicted on the public during that era. While the overall conceit is a sound one, a lack of experience and budget in all areas prevents a satisfactory execution of the story. In its theatrical release format the movie presents itself as a puzzling mixture; however in a video format, the smaller screen evokes a much different feel- more along the lines of something found on `Mystery Science Theatre 3000'. While not the worst thing out there (see any of the cheesy 'world premiere' stuff on the sci-fi channel), its appeal is squarely aimed towards those tortured film aficionados who relish blood, boobs and bad movies. While the actual movie fails to deliver on many levels, the publicity surrounding its creation was intense. Many local and national publications did feature stories on its difficult journey to the screen, including a slightly tongue-in-cheek parody by the Kansas City Star, giving it a somewhat mocking '4 star' review. On a more serious note, the movie was the first shot on a brand new Kodak film stock designed for low-budget projects. The New York Times gave it a huge front page write-up in the technology section, complete with illustrations from the film, and raved about how the 'spaceships looked better than the ones from the films of the 1950s.' And what about that Des Moines Register review about the movie being 'one of a kind?' Well, the reviewer thought that it was the worst film of the year. (Fortunately, another movie came along later that she claimed was even worse- wrestling that somewhat deserved title away) Upcoming re-release in US on DVD should prove entertaining, including the films trailers, behind the scenes items, publicity materials, and a full multi-language format. Director/producer Diefenderfer and co-writer Thonen teamed up again in the same positions 13 years later during the creation of the first High Definition Video series for PBS. The lessons learned on Timesweep seemed to have served them well, and the 5 hour PBS series has won numerous accolades, including being recognized as the 'Series of the Year' from NETA, the national PBS affiliates group. The shows were even nominated for a number of Emmy awards, including best writing, and eventually won an Emmy for `Best Direction in a Series'.