Blood Camp

This is a terrible movie. It just sluggishly plods along, subjecting us to annoying characters, until it reaches its ridiculous end.

The story is insipid and the editing atrocious. (The scene with the Jeep and tree goes on far too long, extinguishing any tension or morbid humour the scene might have had otherwise.) There is an amusing bit, involving a hole in a floor; that scene, with the wonderful stupidity of the characters involved, is the closest the film ever gets to matching the original in terms of gore and humor.

Isaac Hayes seems to be cast only for the joke of being billed as "The Chef," and then disappears after three short scenes. His character serves no other function (unless we needed a black guy to say "motherf*cker" to liven things up a bit.) There is no mystery as to the killer's identity once all of the main characters are established. Alan, who for some unfathomable reason is the film's lead character, is so irritating that his quick death would have perhaps made the film tolerable. However, there he is, in scene after scene, in filthy clothing, telling people that their ass stinks, and then throwing himself pity parties because the other kids don't like him. (Think of Shelly from "Friday the 13th: Part III" but with none of his sympathetic aspects, only the annoying ones, multiplied by ten, and with body odor and a mean streak, and there is your Alan.) (I thought that at least his "your ass stinks" line would serve some purpose, some foreshadowing regarding his or another character's death - death by stinky ass! - but no, it's just his cringe-inducing recurring line, as lacking in purpose as Isaac Hayes' role.) Any fan of the original is going to want - to HAVE - to see this. Just don't blow $20 of your own money on it.

After watching this movie I can now confirm 100% without a doubt that there is no God. Seriously, I wish I had the option of giving this movie a negative 10. There were absolutely no likable characters and I wished everyone would die horrible gruesome deaths, especially Allen. Where were these actors hired? How old were these kids supposed to be cause the skinny nerd looked 10 but apparently he was 20 at the time of the filming. I hate the way that it ended as well. There wasn't enough gore or suspense for my taste. This movie is just a waste of time. I am a HUGE fan of cheesy horror flicks but this was a tremendous letdown. Please, I beg of you, do not subject anyone you love to this horrendous piece of s*!t they call a horror movie.

The horror industry lately suffers, as I'm sure you're very much aware, from an incredibly annoying trend called remakes. Numerous classics from the 1970's and 1980's – perfectly fine films that absolutely don't require any form of updating – are being remade in order to appeal to nowadays horror loving audiences. That sucks! It also sucks that this trend involuntarily causes you to be milder and a lot less skeptical towards other movies that are nevertheless inferior. "Return to Sleepaway Camp", for example, is a totally redundant and stupidly incoherent sequel that is a quarter of a century overdue, but hey … at least it's not a remake so let's be a little more generous!

I didn't like the original "Sleepaway Camp" very much. The film contained some really ingenious plot ideas and several very grisly images but, regretfully, NONE of these promising elements were processed the way they should have and the shocking climax wasn't shocking enough to compensate for all the defaults. Many old-school slasher fans did count the original among their favorites, and thus the film spawned a handful of sequels. "Return to Sleepaway Camp" is considered to be somewhat unique because it was once again scripted and directed by Robert Hiltzik; the creator of the infamous original. Fair enough, but it isn't because this guy crawled back from underneath a rock after 25 years that the film suddenly becomes an instant must-see cult classic. As to be expected, "Return to Sleepaway Camp" is a routine and hugely derivative slasher picture with uninspired murder sequences and immature attempts at sleazy humor. The atmosphere is light-headed and the production luckily never takes itself too seriously, but generally speaking it's still a waste of time. Strangely enough the film stars a couple of respectable actors, like Vincent Pastore and Isaac Hayes in a flesh & blood portrayal of his South Park character Chef, but most of the cast is a gathering of annoying teenagers (the chubby kid is truly insufferable) and untalented scream queens. Felissa Rose, the one and only Angela from the original, returns to camp as well after 25 years. If you, like me, promptly recognize her amidst the other cast members, it means you've seen way too many stupid 80's slashers.

This was one I was really looking forward to seeing. It felt like it took years for it to be made and released. So when it was available to purchase I bought it at full price not knowing what a disappointment it would be. The plot follows the basic "kids are at camp when a bunch of murders occur" storyline. Fans of the original know the backstory of Angela so I won't go into that, but if you don't; it's probably a good idea to familiarize yourself with the 1983 film.

This sequel does something I hate which is it completely ignores Sleepaway Camp 2 and 3. We are supposed to forget those late eighties sequels which involved Angela escaping and becoming a counsellor killing a bunch of teenagers. By not bringing up the incidents that took place in these movies left me a little confused, but I'll move on from that negative. The next problem I have with this is the "lead" character Alan. What an annoying human being. He bullies other kids and then whines like a baby when he gets bullied or other camp counsellors tell him to stop. The constant whining, screaming and cursing was driving me nuts by the twenty minute mark. Now I loved the fact that Ricky in the original cussed like no other, but it's WAY overdone in this by Alan. And the acting by pretty much everyone involved is some of the worst I've seen since Troll 2.

What I found in this movie after seeing the original was that a lot of these new characters emulated characters from the original. There is Alan who is supposed to be a mix of Angela and Ricky, a character named Pee-Pee (I know right?) acts a lot like a shy Angela, there is even a nasty chef who gets scalded by boiling water. There are other parallels as well. Other cons are the music, which is mostly terrible and adds no suspenseful effect to the scene like the original score did in 1983. And the juvenile writing is just annoying to sit through. Some of the things the teens say and do is supposed to be funny but just leaves a bad taste in the viewers mouth, especially when the same joke is repeated over and over again.

I've been down on Return to Sleepaway Camp so far, and rightfully so; it isn't very good. BUT the ending definitely saves it from being a total letdown. The last half hour is jam packed with murder and mayhem. And some of the gore is pretty shocking and well done. Also, I liked the added mystery of trying to find out who the killer is (even if I thought the identity of the killer was a bit lame). And I loved seeing some of the original cast and characters return like Ricky (Jonathan Tiersten), Ronnie (Paul DeAngelo) and a "cameo" by Felicia Rose who played the original Angela Baker.

Overall, this movie is all over the place. It's almost as if Return to Sleepaway Camp has an identity crisis. The first SC was scary. Parts 2-3 were funny. This one tries to be a bit of both and, except for a good thirty minutes of scares, doesn't do well at either.

4/10

"Return To Sleepaway Camp" isn't as much a real movie as it is a joke that got a bit out of hand. Apparently there's a website entirely devoted to 80s slasher gem "Sleepaway Camp", and they moved heaven and Earth to get some of its cast and crew back together for a sequel. They even got Robert Hiltzik back in the director chair, even though he retired from filmmaking decades prior. Sadly though, that totally shows. Hiltzik has forgotten pretty much everything that made his first movie such an underground classic. The first one thrived on its inventive kills and compelling mystery (with an amazing conclusion). In this one, the kills just make no goddamn sense (the bed of spikes!?) and you've figured out the twist well before halfway. Even worse though is the handling of the characters. When someone teased cute innocent kids in the original, you were glad they died minutes later. In this one the protagonist is a teen that picks on little kids in the cruelest ways possible, and then gets picked on by adolescents in the cruelest ways possible. You just can't sympathize with anyone in this movie, which makes you indifferent to all the deaths. The biggest difference is in the acting though. Why is everyone acting so tongue-in-cheek all of a sudden, why the sudden shift in tone? I don't remember wanting to punch Jonathan Tiersten in the face any time he opened his mouth in the original, what happened? This movie was released four years after completion: that's rarely a good sign.