Lust for Dracula

Since I didn't make it to SXSW, I missed the international debut of Lesbian Vampire Killers, so I have be satisfied with this film.

Little vampire and lots of lesbian action; some even say porn. There is even something for those who get off on schoolgirls with plaid skirts and white blouses.

Don't try to make any sense out of this film, especially Misty Mundae's "little bat-bat" soliloquy. Her sister Jonathan (Julian Wells) had just done a job on her. Of course, Dracula (Darian Caine) shows up at midnight to do a really good job on her.

All this film needed was a nun to make it fully exploitive.

Didn't understand a bit of it - but with babes like that who cares? I used to think that being a vampire meant living in a damp cellar and flying around at night biting people. Oy Vay - did I pick de wrong vampire!! Apparently these girls have anorexia, which means they spend hardly any time feasting and what sucking they do is on each other's clitorises. When they ain't pleasuring each other they're doing it to themselves - with fingers, not lips - they're vampires, not contortionists. In fact it's a good job vampires can fly because these girls must be so sore that walking would be out of the question. If you miss the first few minutes you could be forgiven for thinking that you'd tuned into the porno channel - but keep watching and you'll be drawn into a suffocating dreamworld by the superb quality of the direction, the soundtrack and the filming (almost said "shooting" but there's only one man in the film and he's dead before he can rise to the occasion. So no hairy arses pumping up and down - excellent). The acting is retrained and creates a nightmarish atmosphere that is compelling. I couldn't stop watching, but then I'm a guy. Misty Mundae, mmmmm ..... tastier than Ice Cream Sundae .

Plotwise, on the other hand, I will have to get back to you on that as soon as I figure it out for myself. I finally got around to watching this, and while I wasn't disappointed, I was left with one of those "What in the hell did I just sit through?" feelings. At first, when Misty Mundae rambles on to some baby crib about being trapped and alone, I thought she was just REALLY bad at acting her role, but then it's revealed that her character is just fruit-loopin' crazy. Darian Caine and Julian Wells play men (?!), although they have fairly large breasts and perfectly shaved "southern regions". Julian Wells even goes as far as to bang Misty from behind....interesting. The plot, like I said, is too choppy and confusing. But Tony Marsiglia is by far the best director Seduction Cinema has got working for them. His films are really twisted and very darkly erotic. The award for the best actress in this film is actually a tie between Andrea Davis (who is great at portraying b*tch characters) and Casey Jones (who physically fits the part of teenage goth-popper turned emotionally drained vampire to a tee). The sex scenes in the unrated version go on forever and a day, even more so than a lot of Seduction films. So if you're not used to the lesbian sex quota that must be met in every single one of their films, you're much better off with the R-rated version (not a drop of blood is cut out, its all sex). This is a welcome addition to my E.I./Alternative Cinema collection, and I am waiting patiently for Tony Marsiglia's new film, "Chantal", which looks to be pretty darn good as well.

OH Gawd! The WORST! Lame everything...so boring and brainless it reminded me of how easy it might be to give an adolescent filmmaker an 8mm camera and a 500 dollar budget. I rented this one because I liked the box cover...MISTAKE? Perhaps... Every expectation I had for a watchable horror flick was not met, it was murdered in cold blood. It seemed as if the script, if you want to call it that, was ad-libbed and the acting was so forced, it was like watching a high school production of 'The Music Man' (only with lesbians on Xanax). I see the director has made other things. For his sake, he'd better keep hiring the same "box designer" and make his name in the credits really, really small.

I firmly believe that this might be the worst movie I have ever seen.

This is my third film from Seduction Cinema (the other two, coincidentally also directed by Tony Marsiglia), and it's by far the worst. For some reason, the director has attempted to mix mysterious Gothic horror with soft-core lesbian action and the result is truly ridiculous. A lot of the film doesn't make sense, and what does make sense is often hard to decipher because it's all damn boring! If it wasn't for the fact that the film stars the oddly compelling Misty Mundae, I doubt I ever would have seen...it is, therefore, unfortunate that she stars in it. The plot line isn't important; but it has something to do with a bunch of lesbian vampires, one of which is called Countess Dracula. There are some nods to Bram Stoker's classic tale - including character names and a few lines of dialogue, but none of it is clever and it's clear that this is just a lame excuse to film some porn. I'm sure Bram Stoker wouldn't have approved! Aside from Mundae, the film stars some other Seduction Cinema 'luminaries' such as Julian Wells, Andrea Davis and Darian Caine, who is definitely the worst 'Dracula' ever...but on the plus side, she is pretty damn hot! Overall, I really can't recommend this film. There are better vampire films out there, better lesbian porn films out there; and better vampire-lesbian porn films out there. Don't bother!