The Next Joe Millionaire

This was far too good to be true. The producers at Fox were sure they could catch the lightning in another bottle and set out to make it happen. In reality, they managed to singlehandedly destroy a franchise in several slow painful steps. One, they found the one guy on earth who ranked lower in IQ than the previous Joe. Two, thinking they wouldn't be able to repeat the charade stateside (which we'll never know for sure), they chose 14 European debs. Three, some of the debs were so opposed to menial labor – except when someone else was doing it – it wasn't even funny (I'm looking at you, Olinda). Four, most revealing of all, the hostess never appeared except to remind the debs of the inevitable (which she did not appreciate). Add it all up and it's no wonder the loyal audience from the first season disappeared so fast. The only bright spot in the entire show was the manservant, who clearly tried his best but was fighting a losing battle long before the starting pistol. Paul Hogan, nicknamed Butler Dundee by some, deserved better.

Finding English-speaking women unfamiliar with the massive hit JOE MILLIONAIRE necessitated casting women from European countries where the original show had not been broadcast and then expecting them to compete for the affections of a Texas cowboy. This change meant that the fake millionaire never seemed like he plausibly was seeking a serious relationship, and if the winner rejected the broke cowboy, she may have done so because she did not want to leave behind her family and friends in another nation. Unlike the original show, the concept at times is cruel because the leading man rarely demonstrates any reservations about lying to all of these women. While the original show was funny, this version offers few laughs. However, this version arguably offers up even more attractive people in even more beautiful locations than the original version did.

This will be seen as one of the great underappreciated TV shows of the 00's. This Texas guy who can say little more than "really amazing", "great", "I feel like we've gotten really a lot closer," and "a guy couldn't hope for a nicer girl than you," gets to go out with a bevy of European girls who are forced to speak English, even though they just barely know how. They all get terrific gifts and go home. Meanwhile, we get to see the Texas guy ride a horse and take his shirt off, and romp around northern Italy. One girl, Linda, from "Czech" (as the Texan says), has to go back to Texas and live on a ranch. She gets $250,000 and the Texan gets a ranch.

A subtext on the place of materialism and surface beauty in world culture runs throughout the piece. The characters all seem to believe that what they are feeling is not horniness, but is some deep feeling called "love." They see the world as a tapestry lain out for them to frolic in, not as a real environment where real people live. It's scathing and hilarious and will live forever--I suggest it be a midnight movie and that the dialog, such as it is, be turned into a play.