One of Them

When they came up with the title, if the filmmakers meant the seemingly endless stock of poor genre films that are being pumped out in the wake of digital film-making, then this is indeed "one of them". This cheap, irritating and boring "horror" film tries to be a combination of Final Destination and the Skulls.

Viewers are treated to horrible lighting and dismal video quality. The plot, such as it is, concerns a bunch of teenagers who are being hunted by other dead teenagers. I wish I could be more specific, but the story was so confusing and badly written that I am hard pressed to tell you what this movie was about. I just wish that I had bypassed this one altogether.

Are you one of them? You know, the type that picks up cheap horror films in the hope of getting something good. I'm one of them. I picked up one of them hoping it was one of them good horror films, but it was only one of them okay horror films. The film I'm talking about is One of Them, one of them 'one of them' films.

One of them starts out with a college kid walking down one of them typical American streets, being followed by One Of Them. She then shortly turns up dead and her uncle turns up in town looking for her, only to be asked (quite a lot) if he's one of them. Meanwhile a group of teenagers are driving about when they're driven off the road (One of them busts his leg up) and they all wake up in one of them sinister schools run by One Of Them. Or rather, a few of One of Them. There's a couple of strange teachers (both One of Them) and a brother and sister team who are all friendly like except, you know, they're both One of Them.

So while Uncle guy is running around being asked if he's one of them, the teenagers are slowly finding out the hard way what's it's like to not be One Of Them. Of course, one of them is our 'final girl' (not One of Them) and the One of Them team square up to whoever's left of the teeny bopper team.

While One of Them is one of them films that takes ages to get going is kind of ends good enough, with some gore (one of them gets sucked into a wood chipper, One of Them blinds a guy with a knife) and what not, it's not quite good enough to make the grade. It's okay though. One of them is also one of them 'surprise ending' films, so look out for one of them.

For as horrible as this movie actually was, I really liked it. Yeah, it was cheap, terribly written, and badly filmed but that just made it all the better. I honestly couldn't tell if it was made to be a serious horror film and the director horribly failed or if it was meant to be like that, either way I found it's cheesy lines and scenes amusing, so I guess if you like movies like that you'll probably like One of Them.

My interpretation of the plot was that a group of teenagers go on a road trip, get into an accident, are taken in by a cult of some sort that is posing as a school, and their endeavors to get free. (And this is just an added line so my comment meets the minimum number of lines, which is just plain dumb if you ask me, oh well.)

This is BY FAR...the worst movie ever. And that it is on Encore does say a lot about how sad those that do the programing for this cable channel must be. PLEASE....if you see this title...RUN!!!!!!!!!! The direct to video is even bad for this "movie"?? The acting is as bad as it can be. Often in a "b" movie there is at least one person that stands out, in this case..NOT! I have no idea who wrote this or cast it...but they really need to spend more time taking care of the customers at the Drive Thru, and not worrying about making a movie. Please, never see this, and if you do...I am sorry for you! I will say, that some of the special effects are not bad. But that really is all that can be said.

There are a vast multitude of sub-par crappy shot on digital yawn-fests littering videostore shelfs, and this is definitely One of Them. The story of a cult of dead teenagers attempting to turn other teenagers into One of Them is so incompetent in ever single aspect, that just watching One of Them try to act is a daunting task indeed. One of Them will put you to sleep before long with it's inane dull story, it's bad special ed effects, and it's apparent complete disdain for the hapless viewer. Not doubt that One of Them is putrid. If it seems like I've written One of Them too much in my review, you have no clue until you see One of Them. If you were to take a shot EVERY time someone said One of them or asked "are you One of Them?", you'd have to have your stomach pumped before the movie ends, which ironically is a better fate than watching One of Them.

My Grade: F

Where I saw it: Starz on Demand (available until September 29th)