Left for Dead

LFD is the most unwittingly hilarious film I have seen for ages.

The painfully long opening scene is a dialogue-free killing spree peppered with pantomime deaths and schoolboy-like 'Aieee!' shrieks of terror.

An inexplicable (bad) fake-American narrator intones low voiced nonsense by way of introduction to 'the streets' (or a Brighton industrial estate to be precise).

Some of the overly-serious hard man facial expressions make Eastenders Mitchell twins look like Pacino in Taxi Driver.

The laughs just keep coming. A scene where two henchmen receive a stern ticking off by the yellow teethed grimacing boss reaches surreal heights of humour. In the background a man is chained to a fence and is being teased by a WWF looky-likey bloke pulling cartoon –character baddie faces and pointing at him threateningly. This goes on all through the overly long scene.

After our hero has been shot, he makes it back home to his flat where he fumbles in his bathroom cabinet, crashing amongst deodorant and other jars. The same shot of a blood stained hand, shaking and crashing (its owner out of shot) around the cabinet is seen twice within a couple of minutes. What was he thinking of ? This is no time for a shower.

Budget Jackie-Chan-meets-Bugsy Malone (without the songs) Worth a watch for the laughs alone.Heading for the so-bad-its-good genre.

It's funny how you sometimes come across films and how the first time you see a film can colour your perception of it forever. My first viewing of Left for Dead was of a screener copy sent to me for possible inclusion into a film festival I was running at the time.

Unfortunately things didn't bode well at first and the disc kept freezing up in my DVD player, but I persisted and I'm really glad I did as Left for Dead is a lot of fun.

This fast paced British martial arts flick (yes, you don't hear that said every day!) unfolds in the fictional city of Hope (ironic name me thinks!), which is ruled over by the iron fist of Kincaid, a mobster with a touch of class, played by Adam Chapman. His minions are highly trained warriors and no one dares to cross him, until one of his own enforcers (Williams) discovers he was set up by the boss and sets out to settle the bad guy's hash. Williams (a convincing Glen Salvage) is assisted by Kelso (a prize fighter with a personal grudge against the mob), and together they take on Kincaid and his not so merry men.

Shot over a period of 18 months in Brighton and Eastborne, (of all places), this Brit-flick demonstrates that it's not just Hong Kong and the US that can pull off action films. However, its main failing is its toilet tissue flimsy plot, which is simply used to string together oodles of ultra-violent fight scenes, some of which are admittedly well executed and exciting to watch. Director, Ross Boyask is to be commended for his handling of these scenes, which really elevate LFD above many similar flicks.

My main problem with the film, and I'm sure it's makers would agree with me, is with its length - at 105 minutes it's 15 minutes too long and needs to be cut down. There are a few scenes which are unnecessary and could easily be dropped, in particular the introductory sequence and the bike 'chase', although admittedly these do look cool.

In summary then, a fun slice of over-the-top martial arts mayhem that keeps you watching (even if your DVD player is struggling!) because of its audacious set pieces and the level of enthusiasm on show. Oh, and yes I did screen it at my film festival in the end!

The film the term 'So bad it's good!' was invented for. This film has all the hall marks of a very bad 80's action movie. The kind of film that was frequented by Jeff Speakman, Michael Dudikof and Jeff Wincott. The kind of film you rented because the cover had ninjas and fighting drawn so badly that it looked more like your grand ma than Chuck Norris.

The kind of film where the good guy gets shot, kicked, stabbed, beaten, blown up and yet still manages to take down the bad guys army of 200 highly trained soldiers.

The kind of film that had a name like 'American Ninja', 'The Perfect Weapon', 'Ninja Exterminator', 'Invasion USA', 'Eye Of The Tiger', 'Kick Boxer' and 'Missing In Action'.

The kind of film that I always chose at my local video shop over the higher budgeted star driven studio fair. The kind of film that, well, that I love so much.

Don't get me wrong. Like the films mentioned above (and the many I have failed to mention), this isn't a masterpiece in terms of production value, acting or (sometimes) editing or direction but in terms of bang for buck well this film does what it says on the tin. In spades.

And lets face it I never watched Segal movies for the character development or plot. I watched them because I knew, just for that hour and a half, that I'd get to see some tubby white guy kick the crud out of a bunch of bad guys in inventive and fun ways.

But the strange thing is, for all its faults and over long running time, this film does just what I wanted. It offers an 80's styled action film that is true to the genre and superb fun to watch.

So, in short, if your idea of a good film is Citizen Kane, Remains of the Day or Notting Hill this film is not for you.

If however, like me, you grew up on a staple diet of action movies, body counts and ninjas then you 'Left For Dead' is that rare find… a butt kicking, head stomping 80's styled action romp that makes for almost 2 hours of mindless fun, bloody, guts and over the top martial arts moves.

--eye--

This may be the worst movie I've ever seen, but I'm sure there's worse out there, that's why I gave it a two out of ten.

You can't blame the budget for how much this film sucks. The acting is horrible, I've seen movies on a smaller budget with better acting. The fighting sequences are lazy and the story is non existent. The first 20 minutes of this film is fighting, for absolutely no reason. There are a lot of sequences that just don't' make sense visually as you watch it, they are so absurd and badly choreographed most of you could do better yourselves. There is no plot for about 1/2 of the movie. You can't even play the artistic freedom card in this abomination of a film. I like bad movies too... but this one is hard to laugh at, it just angers you cause you know you could do better with $16,000.

Final Thought: Don't watch this for action, don't watch it for acting, don't watch it for creativity, only watch it cause it overall worse than any movie you've ever seen.

Lets get one thing straight from the get go, this is a Martial Arts action film, so the plot is not all that important, however work should of been done on this aspect of the film, as it is lacking even considering the genre. But that said the action is what people will be most interested in. It is a mixed bag of fighting action. Some sections here and there are well done and its obvious there is a lot of talent in the film, however here come the faults…. The speed of the fights can be slow and lack energy, in part due to the performers and also the director. When a fight is shot in a certain way allowing you to see more of the action akin to Hong Kong style, camera speed is very important as it is easier to see the pace with longer cuts and wider angles. Quite a lot of the fighting falls into the 'pitter patter' form. There is not a lot of contact made and some people seem afraid to hit each other. This is a fight scene, not a toy fight and there is a distinct difference. There are quite a few misses in the fights when air can be seen, this is a kindergarten error, it also takes any viewer away from the sub-reality films create and an illusion is broken. Also two actors playing main parts are just painfully bad at fighting. One of them also looks some what similar to a hamster!

I know this may seem like a harsh review, but its true and I think its important not to sugar coat things to much, so giving the film makers a chance to improve.(well maybe not the hamster comment.