Cheerleader Autopsy

OK, so it was independently made and the budget might buy you a round at your local bar, but it was still bad. But for the bare breasts shown throughout I don't think I would have lasted 15 minutes.

The story was entertaining, but the gratuitous gore was a waste. Could we not develop this a bit more and leave the gross-outs to the Russian army? But I guess some people like that kind of stuff. Too bad they are too young to be allowed to watch R-rated films.

Kudos go to the special effects people, they did their best I assume. Rumor has it that several of the cheerleaders were part of said team. I wish they had gotten more screen time. 4 of the 5 were pretty cute.

Would I have paid for this? No, and so I am very happy to report that a free copy is available for download if you go looking for it. If I ha burned it to disc it would have been a waste of $0.25. I guess if you count the electricity used in the viewing I have been ripped off.

What kind of low-life degenerate would come up with something so sleazy, so vulgar, so juvenile? Whoever is responsible for this pointless mess... I'll be honest, I'd kinda like to shake their hand. Cheerleader Autopsy is possibly the most Sub Rosa-ish movie I've come across. And by the way, that was meant as a compliment... I think.

A pitch-black humored, white-trashed story of a bunch of cheerleaders who are horribly (and unrealistically) mangled in a ridiculous-looking bus accident. The local mortician/sheriff, and his college drop-out nephew make it their business to prevent these bodies from ending up at the new dog food processing plant which opened across town. These low-lifes have their work cut out for them; especially since the mortician has Alzheimers, and the nephew is a half-wit. Although, compared to their pal, the janitor, I guess they're doing pretty good. We are subjected to the breaking of taboos, the creation of new ones, and of course, the breaking of them too. Not really a storyline or anything, Just a bunch of silliness, mostly involving badly-mangled corpses, or something equally repulsive. Cheerleader Autopsy is truly a new low in Z-grade cult cinema.

An awesome title for a B-movie if there ever was one, but I can see how this one could even rub most B-movie fans the wrong way. Hell, even most die-hard Sub Rosa fans (is there such a thing?) might feel they're above this one. Me? Well, I definitely laughed more than a couple times, but the disappointing truth is, Cheerleader Autopsy isn't nearly as shocking as it thinks it is, or as funny. This movie just ain't good enough to be as wacky and obnoxious as it is. Actually, it's quite terrible. And not in that humorous/outrageous way that makes B-cinema awesome. Although, Cheerleader Autopsy tried, and I honestly believe it meant well, but I'm going to have to recommend something a little more worthwhile, like Gore-met Zombie Chef From Hell, or Sick Girl. Or if you're determined to discover some shot-on-video, Sub Rosa craziness, at least pick up something with a little style, like Shatter Dead. As for Cheerleader Autopsy, it's not quite as good as the title suggests, but I've definitely seen worse. And if you're like me, and you find graphic, yet fake-looking castrations to be hilarious, you might not hate this movie. 5/10

I'm a big fan of movies that are so bad they're good. You know... Hatchet, Thankskilling, and the like. This one is one of the best I've seen.

The movie doesn't even try to be good. Because of this, it is hilarious and entertaining. Rubber dolls are not lifelike, blood is faker than ketchup, actors are extremely over-the-top, and I can do better camera-work with my iPhone.

This may sound like a 1-star review, and to people who want a serious movie, 1 star would actually be too much. To you and the other drunken people that feel like laughing at something stupid, this is definitely worth a watch. Enjoy!!

OK I'll be honest.... I stumbled across this little...... GEM lets call it, since that sounds classier than TURD, while i was looking up cheerleader porn.... So why did I expect anything less than crap? (ooo if i got it looking for porn.. it HAS to be good... its a sign! its a sign!)

It's hilarious how every other movie recommended for people who enjoyed this title is a 10 star movie. First off i'd like to clarify that this is in no way a horror film, but purely a comedy for sick puerile freaks... hehehe :D

It only took me about 10 minutes to realize it was a stupid ass movie, and I have a rule where if its revealed to be total worthless trash before its a quarter done, then i just stop it and move on to something else, but in this case, it actually WAS somewhat amusing and at a running time of only 80 minutes i figured "why not" It may be low budget, but it shines through as your typical drunken party movie. the atmosphere is just like "beerfest" only slightly more stupid, slightly less funny, and slightly sicker, and with a production name of "stinky pictures", expect a lot of fart jokes.

The director however is not inept. The movie is self consciously stupid; the huge penis transplant, people getting shot and instantly turning to charred corpses in the next scene. The flashback sequence with the businessman is hilarious as a purposefully bad advertisement parody. The Cleverest funny line was when the janitor is spying through the bushes in front of the window and the 2 inside say "what was that?" ... "i dunno, but it sounded like a cow pissing on some leaves" ....heh heh... which indeed was an accurate description. it's like if someone knocks on the door; "Who is that" ... "I don't know but they seem to be at the door." ...yeaaah, though funny as it was I began looking at the clock saying "phew... hurry up and finish." at the 50 minute mark

It can in no way scare or shock, as the corpses in every case are obviously fake, and even though a legless 1 armed girl is sexually exploited and then snuffed, shes slutty, bitchy, and doesn't exist as a character but has the on screen presence of a self aware plot device. "I lost both legs and an arm and the side of my face is missing... but are my tits and ass still intact? .....good then I'm still sssexy" (I was quoting, not paraphrasing) Honestly, even Jesus or the Dalai Lama wouldn't be inspired to feel ANYTHING for the characters on screen. SO if the Dalai lama ever comes to your community, be sure to ask him to stop by for a few beers to confirm this.

Like another reviewer mentioned, a cool aspect of this film is how EVERY single character is a total degenerate bastard, and most of the characters DO have strong screen presence. The plot of "we're selling corpses to a dog food factory, and we now have to deal with a handful of dead cheerleaders and their coach, and the witness we clubbed to death" was pretty interesting, though the idea that any valable company could sustain itself on the mortuary of a small country town, or would find that a cheaper worthwhile means of acquiring meat, especially given the obvious legal and moral dilemmas, is absolutely moronic.

If this movie tried harder and wasn't so self consciously stupid, and had a more thought out plot, more wit.... and wasn't a piece of junk in general, it could have been a cult classic... but that would be another movie altogether. As it is, I can even see a fringe group being proud to own a copy, so If you decide to watch this movie thats one thing... but if you took the time to read this long ass review about it, and if you're a crude sick freak... then you HAVE to watch it, if only to avoid long ass reviews on movies such as "dark harvest." and "attack of the killer tomatoes"

Variety is the spice of life, and as a film lover, I like some of everything: Hollywood formula movies, pretentious art films, and unusual stuff that grows in the cracks in between. Stuff like CHEERLEADER AUTOPSY.

The plot, such as it is, says a lot:

Slice of Lowlife: Loser graduates from blow up sex dolls to sleeping corpses after he takes a job with a degenerate mortician. When fresh meat arrives in the form of dead cheerleaders laid out on the slab, battle begins to see who will emerge as king of the necrophiliacs.

If this were a drama, it would be horribly misanthropic, but in fact, C.A. is a mixture of romance, horror and crazy comedy. Hilarious moments pockmark the movie like a bad case of acne, and the cast ham it up as if the're in some old Warhol project. The janitor is played so creepily as to make Crispin Glover nervous, and as the white trash ingénue, Misty Kapp shines as bright as a beer can. I don't know about you, but I've seen enough peroxide blond brats, silly-cone tits and collagen lips for a while. Misty Kapp hits the g-spot in the role of The-Girl(in the trailer)-Next-Door. I hope to see her in more (or in less) in the future.

When Hollywood makes a slob comedy, the usual plot device is to depict a lovable rogue surrounded by good hearted but misunderstood outcasts. Vince Vaughn, for example, in DODGE BALL. Here, heroic, or "good" characters are notable only for their absence. There are no smart people, no nice people, no positive values, no morals. These characters' only concern is where their next beer or orgasm will come from. This absolute refusal to show anybody who is not a worthless P. of S. is one of the things that gives CHEERLEADER AUTOPSY it's edge. With no familiar signposts of morality, it gives the movie a sense of danger. Face it- even regarding the best of most Hollywood products, you know how the movie will end just by looking at the poster. With a movie like C.A., knowing anything can happen, means you don't know what will happen. It's far from normal, and that's the fun.

John Waters used to make movies like this, before he succumbed to the Hollywood dollar(s), but it's few and far between since then. In fact, this is a lot like Water's early stuff and that's a good barometer of whether you'll like it. You can't recommend PINK FLAMINGOS to just anyone, and the same is true of C.A. It's not for the squeamish, the overly sensitive, the politically correct. If you're metroplex mainstream, in the mood for the next Bruckheimer blockbuster, you'll hate it; The art house crowd will despise it. But if you like variety, and need to decompress from the above choices now and then, fire up the bong, and open the six pack, and take the dirt road off the mainstream highway to CHEERLEADER AUTOPSY. .