Cheerleader Autopsy

Variety is the spice of life, and as a film lover, I like some of everything: Hollywood formula movies, pretentious art films, and unusual stuff that grows in the cracks in between. Stuff like CHEERLEADER AUTOPSY.

The plot, such as it is, says a lot:

Slice of Lowlife: Loser graduates from blow up sex dolls to sleeping corpses after he takes a job with a degenerate mortician. When fresh meat arrives in the form of dead cheerleaders laid out on the slab, battle begins to see who will emerge as king of the necrophiliacs.

If this were a drama, it would be horribly misanthropic, but in fact, C.A. is a mixture of romance, horror and crazy comedy. Hilarious moments pockmark the movie like a bad case of acne, and the cast ham it up as if the're in some old Warhol project. The janitor is played so creepily as to make Crispin Glover nervous, and as the white trash ingénue, Misty Kapp shines as bright as a beer can. I don't know about you, but I've seen enough peroxide blond brats, silly-cone tits and collagen lips for a while. Misty Kapp hits the g-spot in the role of The-Girl(in the trailer)-Next-Door. I hope to see her in more (or in less) in the future.

When Hollywood makes a slob comedy, the usual plot device is to depict a lovable rogue surrounded by good hearted but misunderstood outcasts. Vince Vaughn, for example, in DODGE BALL. Here, heroic, or "good" characters are notable only for their absence. There are no smart people, no nice people, no positive values, no morals. These characters' only concern is where their next beer or orgasm will come from. This absolute refusal to show anybody who is not a worthless P. of S. is one of the things that gives CHEERLEADER AUTOPSY it's edge. With no familiar signposts of morality, it gives the movie a sense of danger. Face it- even regarding the best of most Hollywood products, you know how the movie will end just by looking at the poster. With a movie like C.A., knowing anything can happen, means you don't know what will happen. It's far from normal, and that's the fun.

John Waters used to make movies like this, before he succumbed to the Hollywood dollar(s), but it's few and far between since then. In fact, this is a lot like Water's early stuff and that's a good barometer of whether you'll like it. You can't recommend PINK FLAMINGOS to just anyone, and the same is true of C.A. It's not for the squeamish, the overly sensitive, the politically correct. If you're metroplex mainstream, in the mood for the next Bruckheimer blockbuster, you'll hate it; The art house crowd will despise it. But if you like variety, and need to decompress from the above choices now and then, fire up the bong, and open the six pack, and take the dirt road off the mainstream highway to CHEERLEADER AUTOPSY. .

I'm a big fan of movies that are so bad they're good. You know... Hatchet, Thankskilling, and the like. This one is one of the best I've seen.

The movie doesn't even try to be good. Because of this, it is hilarious and entertaining. Rubber dolls are not lifelike, blood is faker than ketchup, actors are extremely over-the-top, and I can do better camera-work with my iPhone.

This may sound like a 1-star review, and to people who want a serious movie, 1 star would actually be too much. To you and the other drunken people that feel like laughing at something stupid, this is definitely worth a watch. Enjoy!!

OK I'll be honest.... I stumbled across this little...... GEM lets call it, since that sounds classier than TURD, while i was looking up cheerleader porn.... So why did I expect anything less than crap? (ooo if i got it looking for porn.. it HAS to be good... its a sign! its a sign!)

It's hilarious how every other movie recommended for people who enjoyed this title is a 10 star movie. First off i'd like to clarify that this is in no way a horror film, but purely a comedy for sick puerile freaks... hehehe :D

It only took me about 10 minutes to realize it was a stupid ass movie, and I have a rule where if its revealed to be total worthless trash before its a quarter done, then i just stop it and move on to something else, but in this case, it actually WAS somewhat amusing and at a running time of only 80 minutes i figured "why not" It may be low budget, but it shines through as your typical drunken party movie. the atmosphere is just like "beerfest" only slightly more stupid, slightly less funny, and slightly sicker, and with a production name of "stinky pictures", expect a lot of fart jokes.

The director however is not inept. The movie is self consciously stupid; the huge penis transplant, people getting shot and instantly turning to charred corpses in the next scene. The flashback sequence with the businessman is hilarious as a purposefully bad advertisement parody. The Cleverest funny line was when the janitor is spying through the bushes in front of the window and the 2 inside say "what was that?" ... "i dunno, but it sounded like a cow pissing on some leaves" ....heh heh... which indeed was an accurate description. it's like if someone knocks on the door; "Who is that" ... "I don't know but they seem to be at the door." ...yeaaah, though funny as it was I began looking at the clock saying "phew... hurry up and finish." at the 50 minute mark

It can in no way scare or shock, as the corpses in every case are obviously fake, and even though a legless 1 armed girl is sexually exploited and then snuffed, shes slutty, bitchy, and doesn't exist as a character but has the on screen presence of a self aware plot device. "I lost both legs and an arm and the side of my face is missing... but are my tits and ass still intact? .....good then I'm still sssexy" (I was quoting, not paraphrasing) Honestly, even Jesus or the Dalai Lama wouldn't be inspired to feel ANYTHING for the characters on screen. SO if the Dalai lama ever comes to your community, be sure to ask him to stop by for a few beers to confirm this.

Like another reviewer mentioned, a cool aspect of this film is how EVERY single character is a total degenerate bastard, and most of the characters DO have strong screen presence. The plot of "we're selling corpses to a dog food factory, and we now have to deal with a handful of dead cheerleaders and their coach, and the witness we clubbed to death" was pretty interesting, though the idea that any valable company could sustain itself on the mortuary of a small country town, or would find that a cheaper worthwhile means of acquiring meat, especially given the obvious legal and moral dilemmas, is absolutely moronic.

If this movie tried harder and wasn't so self consciously stupid, and had a more thought out plot, more wit.... and wasn't a piece of junk in general, it could have been a cult classic... but that would be another movie altogether. As it is, I can even see a fringe group being proud to own a copy, so If you decide to watch this movie thats one thing... but if you took the time to read this long ass review about it, and if you're a crude sick freak... then you HAVE to watch it, if only to avoid long ass reviews on movies such as "dark harvest." and "attack of the killer tomatoes"

It's not even a good Bad movie if you see what I mean..... Cheerleader horror movies ought to have at least a few cute cheerleaders who manage to have a wardrobe malfunction every few scenes, as this movie goes on you are rather glad they generally keep their clothes on cos they aren't exactly pretty.... The rest of it just gonzo enough to lift it to a 2 instead of a 1.... The plot is a bit hard to follow some of the time, glaringly easy in other places, generally rather disjointed, which considering the mad doctor disectionist theme might have been a situationalist pun in something cleverer. This is one for bad low-budget horror purists, if you are looking for a Skinemax T+A horror show, get something else.

Chris

So 1st off and most importantly, Cheerleader Autopsy is a cool title that does not live up to it's name at all.

You have a couple of cute cheerleaders in the film and only one of them gets naked, then the cheerleader part of the movie ends swiftly.

I was expecting more scenes of hot girls getting cut up, but it was not even that. Sure, some of the Autopsy stuff is fun, even laugh out loud at some points, but not enough to sustain the entire movie.

The film uses really cheesy dolls as cadavers and ironic only one of these dolls is shaped like a woman, in a movie celled Cheerleader Autopsy.

I'll give them credit for luring me in with a title that's false advertising.

A lot of other things suck about this movie, but let's stick with the fact that the movie's title seems to promise hot girls being cut up and it did not or could not deliver.

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