Replica

Words can't even BEGIN to describe what a train wreck this "movie" is! I'm pretty sure that James Nguyen either A) Never saw a good movie. B) Has a SERIOUS mental health issue or C) Lost a bet with someone,and the loser has to make a couple of HORRENDOUS movies. I thought "Birdemic" was the worst movie I have ever seen..then...good 'ol James Nguyen throws me THIS CURVEBALL?!?!?! This "movie" is (thank God) a very short watch. I just can't fathom how these "actors" got the parts for this flick??? It sure wasn't an audition...if it WAS...dear Lord,I would LOVE to see who didn't make the cut!!! The woman doctor / replica is SOOOOO BAD that it makes it actually kinda FUN to watch,and the Asian detective is probably worse than the female doctor...I was laughing SO HARD that I had to go back and see what I missed. IF you decide to watch this crapfest...one viewing should do it for you...I think seeing it once is MORE THAN enough...seriously...I think watching this "movie" more than once will lower your IQ to that IQ of a radish.

At least Julie and Jack had real sets! How is it that the movie that dealt with virtual reality didn't have the virtual sets like this one did?

This film repeats multiple beats from Julie and Jack, even down to things like the salesman's sales making a turnaround and a female coworker commenting in a meeting that they heard that he got a new girlfriend and implying that's why his sales are up. The male lead in this is a worse actor than the male lead in Julie and Jack. Unlike Jack, this guy has no redeeming qualities. Jack is, for all his faults, good-looking and sweet. The guy in this film is creepy from the jump, stalking the woman he's interested in and making selfish, creepy, hurtful requests of his "new" girlfriend. Given that there was no implication that the female lead had low self-esteem, I couldn't suspend disbelief that she would date him, especially given that he's a failure in his job, awkward, stalkerish, and the woman is not only pretty but is apparently a super genius (yet another thing from Julie and Jack). Now, I sound superficial, but let's he real. In L.A? No. She could have her pick because of her career, not just her looks. Women in James' films are either just objects, mothers, or exposition devices.

James makes movies about himself, like Neil Breen and Tommy Wiseau do, except James uses white males as avatars for himself (I could say something about that as someone living in Asia, but I'll leave it.) Unfortunately, what none of the men have learned is their heroes are awkward and lame, and that ends up showing in the final product. So, here we are.

Yes, the auteur who gave us "Birdemic" and "Birdemic 2" somehow came up with enough backing to make another movie, 66 minutes of hilarious ineptitude. Quite explicitly a Hitchcock homage, with a little "The Birds" and a lot of "Vertigo," it deals with cloning, genetic engineering, and the most boring young lovers ever committed to film. They're a self-obsessed computer chip salesman and the gene-splicing surgeon who replaced his kidney; given that she looks 22 and can barely get a line out without stuttering or correcting herself, and later portrays the Kim Novak-like double (like I said, "Vertigo") with no differentiation whatever, it's not a credible romance. There's also a wildly overacting villain, an investigator who can barely speak English, familiar San Francisco locations, CGI sets that look like they cost three dollars, and James Nguyen's signature, endless shots of cars pulling into driveways, cars pulling out of driveways, cars pulling onto the road. The music's almost competent; the matron playing Evelyn's mom actually acts, and the editing is seemingly from a four-year-old with a pair of scissors. The sound drifts in and out, the overdubbing is.wretched. Let me add, I watched this on Rifftrax, with even Kevin and Mike and Bill unable to contain their laughter at Nguyen's incompetence, and I had a great time.

From the man behind such cult horrors as Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Birdemic 2: The Resurrection, and Julie and Jack comes his second feature, a "romantic sci-fi thriller", all used loosely since there isn't actually much romantic, science fiction or thrilling about Replica.

Computer chip salesman Joe undergoes a kidney transplant from biogeneticist Evelyn. Shame she did it though, because afterwards he begins to romance her, and by romance, I mean stalk, and not very well. Their relationship is short-lived, however. Not by his creep tendencies but by her death in a car accident (an extremely hilarious one I can't even begin to describe). With her body fresh underground, Joe "meets" actress Claudia, who happens to resemble Evelyn. Yes, this is an "homage" to Hitchcock.

As with Nguyen's other films, Replica is inept in practically every way. The acting is wooden, the script is... most likely nonexistent, the characters - or at least Joe - are unlikable (although the villain is scarfing the scenery). Keep an eye out for some surprise (and, given Nguyen's abilities, copyright infringing) celebrity appearances, as well as a very funny Nguyen-ception moment. I may give it a 1 out of 10 but the sheer incompetence of it all is a sight to behold.

OK, by now the film-going public is aware how cluelessly untalented James Nguyen is as a writer and director. All his scripts are essentially identical, usually involving a salesman and his horny friend, a hot blonde, some pseudo science, and really bad special effects. Plus he always wields the video camera like your great aunt does at a family get-together -- tilted, hard to hear, and out of focus. His films have the same plot, the same house, the same recurring actors -- the same everything, over and over.

And yet I always watch his movies -- repeatedly. I think I've watched "Replica" as much as I have "Birdemic". Why? I actually kind of like "Replica", probably even more than it's more famous sibling "Birdemic". "Replica" is shorter and sillier, so it's more fun and not such a commitment. Turn off your brain, keep your expectations low, veg out, and chuckle every once in a while until it ends.

Lana Dykstra as the Doctor makes it worth viewing just for her alone. Her acting is hilarious. Half the time you can't even understand her. She's attractive for sure, I was genuinely surprised how great she looked in her bikini during the inevitable James Nguyen sex scene. I can't find anything more about her after she starred in this movie. I'm curious what she looks like now. But in all seriousness I have to give her props simply because she agreed to star in this movie for no money, she put up with James' nonsense, and she tried her best.