Hellraiser VIII: Hellworld

Hey you wanna know what I hate? Lines of dialogue like this:

"You been away from the dark realm a while, Chels, how'd it feel playin' again?"

"Just like any other ultra-violent twenty-four hour wildly popular and yet utterly purposeless embraced-by-the-masses Internet role-playing game."

It's one of those lines of dialogue that they always put into movies like Hellraiser 8 that are impossible to avoid sounding like they were written and re-written and rehearsed and re- rehearsed and then finally they just give up trying to make it sound natural after 30 or 40 takes and, exasperated, just drop the best bad take into the movie. That, being said, let me tell you what I have figured out.

After years if deliberation about what it takes to make a good horror movie and what is missing in a bad one, after countless theories (the presence of teenagers or college-age kids being near the top of that list, by the way), I have finally discovered for certain the exact point at which a movie stops being scary and good and instantly becomes stupid and bad. There is a perfect illustration of the solution near the end of this film, when Chelsea gets locked in the room and Adam starts calling to her from under the floor.

She has becomes absorbed in some photo album despite having found herself locked into the creepiest attic imaginable, and she hears someone whispering her name from behind her. She spins around just in time to see a hand disappear beneath a crack in the floorboards, and she cautiously moves over to investigate. As she peers into the hole, she continues to hear her name being called and she can see the tiniest glimpse of a face in the darkness, and at this point I am absolutely cringing in my chair. No matter how sure I am that something is going to spring out in a situation like that it still gets to me.

And then she did something stupid.

Literally the instant Chelsea put her hand through that crack in the floorboards, I immediately relaxed, almost to the point of breathing a sigh of relief because I didn't have to worry anymore because I completely stopped caring. And it's not just because she doesn't realize she's in a horror movie (despite the fact that the entire cast of this movie are hardcore Hellraiser fans, so the fourth wall has already been breached), it's because the moment her hand crosses the threshold of that crack in the boards she instantly ceases to be a victim.

And you know what my analogy is? Suicide! When someone in a horror movie does something that stupid, it is generally because the filmmakers need to have the character killed off but can't think of a really clever way to have it happen, so they just have the character do something monumentally stupid, but the problem is that this places the blame for their death on themselves, and in a horror movie, it's not only not scary when someone is attacked after doing something as idiotic as putting her hand through the crack in the floorboards because she thinks she sees her dead friend down there, it's satisfying, and not in the good way either.

Stupidity should be painful, but in the movies, it should be lethal.

That being said, it's amazing how little effort was made into making it clear what exactly was going on in the movie. It starts out with the funeral of a college age kid having been killed because of his over-involvement in something called Hellworld, which itself is never very clearly explained. His friends later mourn that they all knew what was happening to him but still kept playing Hellworld, although if you watch the making-of featurettes on the DVD, Director Rick Bota refers to Hellworld as "a website, or video game." It's kind of an ominous sign when even the director doesn't know what his movie is about. Either that or he doesn't know the difference between a website and a video game.

The story follows the death of their friend, something about that game, and then cuts to a few years later when all of his friends get invited to a party celebrating the said video game. Needless to say, it's kind of like an overblown Halloween party where everyone seems to be fascinated with the macabre (serious macabre, too, like dead babies in jars, sounds like a blast), and girls randomly pull their breasts out (curiously, the first bit of wildly gratuitous nudity is followed by the following exchange – "Gratuitous breasts?" "Necessary breasts! Ha ha ha!" Clever.).

When all is said and done and you finally realize what has been happening throughout the entire movie, it is such a ludicrous and ridiculous twist that it distantly surpasses the Saw movies for absurdity. If you thought Jigsaw had some time on his hands to come up with some incredibly complex machines of torture, wait until you see the plot that is hatched by the Host (played by Lance Henriksen, who wastes his talent completely in this movie).

Also don't miss the making-of featurette on the DVD, in which you can witness Pinhead eating a piece of pizza and, my favorite, Khary Payton, one of the actors in the film, makes the following mysterious analogy – "Horror movies are like roller coasters, you know, they're not gonna win Oscars or that kind of thing, but they're just a lot of fun."

I don't know, Khary, have you ridden Xtreme at Magic Mountain in Southern California? I see an Oscar in that ride's future!

I've got to say i wasn't too impressed with this to be honest. I love the original hellraisers and i just keep hoping that they make at least 1 more decent sequel but thats looking unlikely.

Having said that i've seen worse films but its seems to have gone down the the traditional slasher film a bit too much. The real shame is that there's some good ideas in it. They just don't seem to have been pulled off.

Don't go out of your way to watch this unless you're really into the series. It doesn't add anything, just offers a slightly different slant on the story.

A group of college kids who have messed around with the Lament Configuration in an online Hellraiser game, resulting in the death of one of the group before the movie has begun, are invited to a party at the mansion once owned by the man who created the puzzle box in the first place. There they are met by Lance Henrickson (!), who is hosting a big party for Hellraiser game fans. From this point, confusion reigns until the last five minutes when all is neatly explained away. The ending definitely contains a neat and unexpected twist, but one cannot forgive what has gone before and which takes well over an hour to get to the point. Decent gore, although true Hellraiser fans will be puzzled (no pun intended) by some of the goings-on,which bear no resemblance to the Hellraiser canon -- that is, until Lance explains all at the end. Pinhead is strictly a fleeting guest in this one, which has happened before, God knows. The film is new enough to have been influenced by the SAW series and the basic plot as such (discounting the explanation at the end) is straight out of the HALLOWEEN flick where the crowd gathers for a night of live televised fun and terror in Michael's family home. Shot back to back with HELLRAISER: DEADERS by the same director in Romania, this one is a notch above that incredibly dreary effort. Ah well, we can only await the cinematic remake of the original HELLRAISER.

Another one in a series of scenarios that are obviously not originally written for the franchise, but subsequently adapted to fit into it. Not particularly successful this time. Frankly, I was bored. I can not specifically point a finger and say, "This is bad." Nothing in this movie is particularly bad, but nothing is particularly good either, so it's all together forgettable and leaves no impression. The premise is interesting, but it is developed to the unconvincing and unexciting story. The music is not annoying, but it's not catchy either, and by no means contributes to the atmosphere. But there's really no atmosphere, or tension, or fear... Not even decent jump-scares. The acting varies from bad to mediocre, and even famous names such as Lance Henriksen, Katheryn Winnick (Lagertha from the "Vikings") and Henry Cavill (the last Superman) are totally unimpressive. I did not even recognize Lagertha until the end credits. In short, to answer the question from the headline: No, it isn't LIKE a bad horror movie - it IS a bad horror movie. However, the premise brings refreshment in the franchise, there are beautiful and naked girls and some nicely done gore, and I liked the final twist, so I can not completely bury it (pun intended).

5/10

Now, don't get me wrong: the movie by itself wasn't *that* bad, it was just horrible (no, not in *that* way) in the Hellraiser context. The problem, you see, is the following: the first half of the series (yes, even the 4th installment which most people dislike) were monster-movies - a mysterious box, a couple of evil looking beings that came with it, and a lot of unlucky people who came in contact with them - while "Inferno" and the rest have been turned into mind game movies, where people see things which may, or may not, be related to the box...

What we have in "Hellworld" is a genuine mediocre teen slasher: 5 young people, who were once dedicated players of the Internet based game "Hellworld" but are taking it cooler since the suicide of their fellow player, get invited to a big party. From the beginning things seem weird and soon our heroes start to die one by one... And that's it. Pinhead, once a scary creature from Hell, has basically been turned into a serial killer with minimum imagination. The whole "you dared to open the box, we came, now you'll be tortured for all eternity" is gone. It's quite obvious that this script wasn't written with Hellraiser in mind. It's actually a mystery why it was even made part of the series, when it'd worked quite nicely independently... It could have used more deaths though.

I have to mention two positive things about the movie: Lace (hey, it doesn't matter if it's a brilliant masterpiece or Z-class production when Lance is in it!) and the fact that everybody was familiar with the Hellraiser mythology (the main character Chelsea even mentions that cenobites could never attack her because she would never open the box... beside the fact that it's all just fiction).

But all in all I'd give it a 4 out of 10 - not enough deaths, lame story, has virtually nothing to do with the Hellraiser franchise, but the deaths were OK and Lace played along.