Aquanoids

Now, i have been watching B-movie horrors for sometime now and this film is by far the worst one i have ever watched but also the best. If your looking for good script, acting, story etc. then avoid this film like the plague however if you are looking for a cheap laughter filled night in with the lads, this is the one for you. With no where near believable characters and a largely endowed femme fa tale you know your in for at least some cheap laughs and nudity. The script while trying to be serious is just awful, thats all that can be said....awful, just bloody awful.The script is devoid of interesting plot turns and any real creativity, if you gave a monkey a type writer the script for aquanoids would quickly churn out.

I do however have a place in my heart for this film, even though the script was downright terrible, some moments in this film are just a must to commit to memory and are undeniably funny. The camera quality too adds to the hilarity, as a good friend whom i watched this with described its quality very well as "porno Cam".

to conclude, if you see this in a bargain bin, buy it just to see what I'm talking about but if you are not someone in persuasion of B-movie horror you best look somewhere else.

After watching Aquanoids I told myself that if I was going to see this one again it would be solely for the purpose of reviewing it. Seeing as how I'm writing this it means I have indeed done such a thing.

As Aquanoids opens you spend a couple of minutes taking in the fact that this truly IS a low-budget film. REALLY low-budget. It's an amateur film. They open with an aquanoid attack in 1987 then jump 16 years in time. We later learn that 17 people were killed during that summer. Our heroine, looking like a bustier, less talented Eliza Dushku, is still mourning the loss of her mother that summer. She knows an aquanoid when she sees one and starts her crusade to close the beaches and stop the ferocious aquanoids. Vanessa says the aquanoidS are back, but we don't really see more than one at the time. The aquanoid costume probably represented one of the bigger posts on the meager budget. We should respect that. The mayor of course doesn't want the threat to leak out and takes a few precautionary measures. We also have some inquisitive reporters that don't really add much to anything. It's influence from superior films like, Jaws, Humanoids from the Deep and others are obvious. They even mention several of its predecessors. At least that shows the movie is self conscious. Not that it helps much, but a little.

So just what's the deal with Aquanoids? Well, there are plenty of things to notice and reflect upon when watching it. Laurence Hobbs playing Jackson is one of the great things about this movie. Seeing his costume, a pair of pants and a grey t-shirt I can't help but wonder if that was what Hobbs put on when getting up that morning. Just put on whatever you have. His acting style is relentless! Jackson is utterly hilarious when exclaiming: "I can't believe it got into Lovers Cove!" Like that is something unbelievable. Was that a fact so terrible your mind simply refused to comprehend it? Jackson also witnessed one of the aquanoid attacks back in 87. He just happened to be standing at the beach with binoculars… at night. But, hey, so was I! Another wonderful scene is when Vanessa's friend at one point asks her for an opinion on something. She's made an impressive sign on the computer reading: DANGEROUS WATERS! ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK! Vanessa says: "I think that will work!". That is truly brilliant stuff! The evil mayor and father-of-the-year award winner at one point tell his daughter: "Now look, I don't want any alcohol at the party. We don't want to pump your stomach again!" He's playing the role of the concerned parent. While being evil! In all fairness he does singlehandedly represent all the acting credibility in the movie. Trying to earn it a higher rating we get a half-assed gory autopsy. I think we've seen enough scenes in other movies with an iron-stomach pathologist who eats while doing his thing. Do something else. At the end Vanessa learns that Jackson is in fact her father. She is shocked and I am shocked that she was shocked. We were both shocked. What shocked and disappointed me even more was her inability to get topless. I expected that from a title like Aquanoids. Others do though, in very random fashion.

The technical aspects are quite, shall we say puritan? Whenever we have some underwater shots you can't help but think it's a pity the BBC wildlife photographer must have slept late that day. They make a daring attempt at split-screen. They even dazzle us with three different images at the same time! The scene itself isn't half-bad, with a somewhat dynamic car chase. A couple of times I could see their attempt to create a certain something in tone and even though the execution for the most part didn't work, it felt sincere.

Bottom line is that YOU could probably make this film. It's quite possible to do. Just use whatever you have and improvise the rest. Aquanoids is by no means good, or particularly competent, but I'm still happy someone put an effort into making a horror movie, even if it was a pretty bad one.

Right, well from the very beginning of the movie, with the intro and the insanely lousy and semi-unreadable text that introduced the actors and actresses to the poorly made logo of the movie's title, then it was very clear that "Aquanoids" was going to be a low budget creature feature.

Actually, I will say that writers Mark J. Gordon and Eric Spudic didn't exactly put together an all bad script here, there were parts of the narrative that had potential, and the odd interesting bit here and there. However, it was ruined by a poor and amateurish execution from script to screen by director Reinhart 'Rayteam' Peschke and some very lousy acting performances from the cast ensemble.

I loved the fact that the woman being chased by the aquanoid while she was snorkeling and frantically swimming to a jet ski, but she still found the time to stop up and put on a life jacket before speeding off on the jet ski. But there was a deadly Aquanoid right on her tail in the water when she was swimming. It made no sense that someone fleeing for their life stops up to put on a life jacket.

The acting performances in "Aquanoid" were shoddy and questionable to say the least. Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list, and I can't claim that I was impressed with what I witnessed on the screen.

Visually then you're not in for anything grand, should you opt to sit down and waste 78 minutes on watching "Aquanoids".

This is definitely not a movie that I would recommend you to sit down and watch, nor waste your time, money or effort on. Some of us suffered through this 2003 movie so you don't have to; you're very welcome.

My rating of "Aquanoids" lands on a very generous two out of ten stars.

AQUANOIDS with Eric Spudic www.ericspudic.com "Killers Of The Sci-Fi Sea, With gore & more…That's a good movie."Lara Nativo is a really nice Scream Queen©.There is a lot of footage of Catalina Island,Kind of a travelogue for Gorehounds.There is some political stuff because of the tourism problem with so many deaths,Didn't we learn from the JAWS movie that danger BRINGS tourists.The AQUANOIDS(monsters) look like the Sleestak from TVland's LAND OF THE LOST.I liked the movie.Great fight scene between man and woman.The casting seems from a Soap Opera employment agency.Some of the acting seemed forced and other times roles could have been themselves.

OK, it's obvious the budget on this movie wasn't huge...or big...or enough even, but I'm a sucker for rubber-suit monster flicks and Aquanoids delivers. It's shot well and the sound is clean most of the time. Some things don't make much sense, but it's about sea monsters, so leave your disbelief at the door, make some popcorn and give the DVD a spin.

If you think the old Doctor Who episodes are too schlocky looking, or the monsters in Space 1999 ruin the plot line, then this movie probably isn't for you.

If you want some gore, nudity, an above average for this type of movie plot and a cool looking monster than you'll probably enjoy Aquanoids. I'm not saying to run out and buy it, but it certainly worth an online rental for monster fans.