Aquanoids

I'm a pretty big fan of the 'underwater monster' B-movie. CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON is the granddaddy of course, and JAWS the milestone against which all over movies have been judged/attempted to rip off over the past thirty-plus years. AQUANOIDS is somewhere between the two plot-wise, as humanoid-type creatures kill surfers and bathers at a beach, but there the resemblance ends. This is no-budget filmmaking at its very worst, utterly devoid of talent and interest and only worth watching to see how worthless it really is. The hardest thing to like about this film is the camera, which looks little better than your average home video; the shot on video format works against it, lessening the experience against other, better B-movies of the past.

A number of those films are referenced by characters in one SCREAM-like post-modern conversation, giving away the fact that the filmmakers are fans of this sub-genre. It's a shame they couldn't do anything with the tired script and awful execution. The creatures are barely seen, and boast rubbishy PREDATOR-style vision; the attacks involve laughable gore effects and one rip-off "monster birth" sequence. The jokes are flat and the acting awful, and brief nudity does nothing to keep you watching. The film's so cheap that even the guns rarely fire and explosions are effected via some lame CGI work. As the leading bimbo, Laura Nativo is attractive enough, and strangely resilient to the perils of the poor script, but she can't save this wishy-washy monster flick from being a total disaster.

Now, i have been watching B-movie horrors for sometime now and this film is by far the worst one i have ever watched but also the best. If your looking for good script, acting, story etc. then avoid this film like the plague however if you are looking for a cheap laughter filled night in with the lads, this is the one for you. With no where near believable characters and a largely endowed femme fa tale you know your in for at least some cheap laughs and nudity. The script while trying to be serious is just awful, thats all that can be said....awful, just bloody awful.The script is devoid of interesting plot turns and any real creativity, if you gave a monkey a type writer the script for aquanoids would quickly churn out.

I do however have a place in my heart for this film, even though the script was downright terrible, some moments in this film are just a must to commit to memory and are undeniably funny. The camera quality too adds to the hilarity, as a good friend whom i watched this with described its quality very well as "porno Cam".

to conclude, if you see this in a bargain bin, buy it just to see what I'm talking about but if you are not someone in persuasion of B-movie horror you best look somewhere else.

Right, well from the very beginning of the movie, with the intro and the insanely lousy and semi-unreadable text that introduced the actors and actresses to the poorly made logo of the movie's title, then it was very clear that "Aquanoids" was going to be a low budget creature feature.

Actually, I will say that writers Mark J. Gordon and Eric Spudic didn't exactly put together an all bad script here, there were parts of the narrative that had potential, and the odd interesting bit here and there. However, it was ruined by a poor and amateurish execution from script to screen by director Reinhart 'Rayteam' Peschke and some very lousy acting performances from the cast ensemble.

I loved the fact that the woman being chased by the aquanoid while she was snorkeling and frantically swimming to a jet ski, but she still found the time to stop up and put on a life jacket before speeding off on the jet ski. But there was a deadly Aquanoid right on her tail in the water when she was swimming. It made no sense that someone fleeing for their life stops up to put on a life jacket.

The acting performances in "Aquanoid" were shoddy and questionable to say the least. Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list, and I can't claim that I was impressed with what I witnessed on the screen.

Visually then you're not in for anything grand, should you opt to sit down and waste 78 minutes on watching "Aquanoids".

This is definitely not a movie that I would recommend you to sit down and watch, nor waste your time, money or effort on. Some of us suffered through this 2003 movie so you don't have to; you're very welcome.

My rating of "Aquanoids" lands on a very generous two out of ten stars.

This movie is terrible from start to finish. The plot is like something written by an 8 year old kid who has just watched Jaws and the acting is similar to the quality you get when a relative realises you are videoing them at a wedding and tries to be say something funny in the general direction of the camera. This film is so cheap and pitiful I can't even bring myself to give it one out of ten. Even if you're a fan of really bad movies you probably won't be able to wring any fun out of this film because it's beyond parody.

I still can't believe the vague marine expert rides around on a scooter. Did nobody involved in the movie have a car she could have used for half an hour?

OK, it's obvious the budget on this movie wasn't huge...or big...or enough even, but I'm a sucker for rubber-suit monster flicks and Aquanoids delivers. It's shot well and the sound is clean most of the time. Some things don't make much sense, but it's about sea monsters, so leave your disbelief at the door, make some popcorn and give the DVD a spin.

If you think the old Doctor Who episodes are too schlocky looking, or the monsters in Space 1999 ruin the plot line, then this movie probably isn't for you.

If you want some gore, nudity, an above average for this type of movie plot and a cool looking monster than you'll probably enjoy Aquanoids. I'm not saying to run out and buy it, but it certainly worth an online rental for monster fans.