Curse of the Forty-Niner

This was bad enough. I really hope that there is no sequel. Maybe that is giving away part of the plot to let you know that it is open to the possibility, but no, it really isn't.

There is really not at all special about this movie. Well, the special effect were fairly good, but nothing to write home about.

There were some hot babes in her, especially Elina Madison and Alexandra Ford, but nothing to see folks. PG-13, definitely not an R. That also tells you the slasher aspects were less than spectacular. The shovel to the head was the only thing that was unusual.

Tame scare fare.

First of all, this movie isn't meant to be taken seriously and doesn't even take itself all that seriously. In some movies this works brilliantly, but in this it just kind of gets tired. It's not completely unentertaining, but it's nothing you haven't seen before. They fit so many horror movie cliches into the first several minutes of the movie that I thought it was going to be a better horror-comedy than it was, but I found myself groaning more than laughing.

"Prospector slasher movie" is about all you need for a synopsis, honestly. Nothing in this will surprise you.

It was fun to see some B-movie icon appearances like Richard Lynch, Karen Black, and Martin Kove, but their on-screen time is very limited. They easily were the most fun to watch. Fun fact: The prospector slasher is played byVernon Wells, who played Bennett in Commando. Yeah, the "Let off some steam, Bennett" guy. Haha.

The production is good, the main cast is attractive, the cameos are great, and the kill scenes are pretty decent, but in the end, it feels like a movie you've seen a hundred times already.

My mate and I chose to watch this obvious piece of junk purely based on its tagline… After nearly 30 years of lousy and rudimentary teen slashers, I can't believe that only just now some nerdy horror brainiac come up with the brilliantly witty slogan "They Axed for it"! Other than that, "Miner's Massacre" is just as random, annoying and forgettable as all the rest out there…. Perhaps even more! The script contains all the typical clichés and features all the dreadfully stereotypic characters you wish a horrible and painful death to. The gore effects are computer engineered and thus beyond pitiable and the obligatory "big" stars (Karen Black, John Philip Law and Richard Lynch) are entirely wasted in spite of their top billing. Cursed mines and abandoned ghost towns form an ideal horror setting – the creators of "My Bloody Valentine" already figured that out in the early 80's – but his dull film simply hasn't got any innovative ideas or even remotely surprising elements to offer. Bunch of greedy twenty-something losers, which refer to themselves as friends even though they clearly can't stand each other, desecrate an ancient mine in search of the gold that is allegedly hidden there. Of course they unwarily resurrect the zombie miner this way and he just 150 years of rest in order to prepare for a massive teen massacre. Yay! The cast is exceptionally irritating in this one. The girls all have impressive racks but refuse to show anything. Instead, they all prefer endless whining and the taking of needless risks. The dim-witted blokes clearly just serve as screen fillers. In her barely five minutes of playtime, Karen Black still manages to make an utter fool out of herself by depicting the most prototypic and hysterical local nut woman ever. The zombie has a stupid and very unconvincing face, but he looks okay and reasonably menacing when shown in the distant shadow of the moonlight whilst swinging around his pick-axe. Since the best thing about "Miner's Massacre" concerns the aforementioned tagline and you can read that on the box in the video store itself, there's very little else to recommend here. Director John Carl Buechler scored a few modest hits during the eighties, like notably the original "Troll" and a fair "Friday the 13th" sequel, but it's obviously time to retire now.

My copy goes by the name of Miner's Massacre.

I can't read the credits. Is that a bad sign? What else can they screw up?

Three couples who, quite frankly, seem to hate each other, go on a camping trip in search of some lost gold. What they don't know about is the curse of the Forty-Niner, Jeremiah Stone. If someone steals his gold, his ghost comes back to kill them. Wait. "I Want Me Gold!" This is cribbed straight from the pages of Leprechaun. Anyway, they steal the gold, get hunted, and find out from a hysterical, overwrought Aunt Nelly (Karen Black) that they need to return it to stop the curse. A few things amused me. Jeremiah bites off his own finger for no reason. A fender bender turns into a massive two car explosion. And Aunt Nelly has apparently never heard of stop, drop, and roll.

Well, this 2002 movie titled "Curse of the Forty-Niner" (aka "Miner's Massacre") is a movie that I hadn't even heard about before now in 2021, 19 years after it was made, as I happened to stumble upon it by sheer random luck. And yeah, of course I sat down to watch it, as it is a horror movie that I hadn't already seen. Sure, I wasn't harboring much of any expectations for the movie, so writer Antonio Olivas and director John Carl Buechler had every chance to impress and entertain me.

And while "Curse of the Forty-Niner" was a watchable movie, it was hardly an outstanding foray into the horror genre. Writer Antonio Olivas seemed to build his storyline and plot around things that have been done countless of times before this movie, so he was sort of playing it safe I suppose. A gamble perhaps, but one that ultimately dragged the movie into mediocrity.

I had no idea that it was actually Vernon Wells that was playing the part of Jeremiah Stone, the undead miner. But then again, of course he was covered completely by prosthetic make-up.

The acting in the movie was adequate, but it was actually nice enough that they had managed to get the likes of Richard Lynch and Karen Black to show up in the movie.

For a horror movie then "Curse of the Forty-Niner" just didn't cut it. There was nothing scary about this movie whatsoever. I kid you not. This movie wasn't even remotely scary. Sure, if you are a complete newcomer to the horror genre, then perhaps you'll find an ounce of scary stuff here. But for a life-long horror veteran, this was a mere walk in the park.

The special effects in "Curse of the Forty-Niner" were adequate and served their purposes well enough. However, do keep in mind though, that the special effects will not knock you over from your seat. This was not a grand spectacle of special effects.

All in all, "Curse of the Forty-Niner" was watchable, but it was not an outstanding or memorable movie to grace the horror genre. It is the type of movie that you will watch once, and then forget about it and never return to watch it a second time.

My rating of "Curse of the Forty-Niner" lands on a less than mediocre four out of ten stars.