Absolon

At the start and the end of the movie, an old man is telling the story many years in the future.

In 2007, the Neurological Degeneration Syndrome virus is first isolated. Eventually, because all the rain forests are cut down, the virus, transmitted through the air, kills 5 billion people. Only after a treatment called Absolon is found is the disease stopped, but Absolon is not a cure. And everyone needs it to live, and everyone gets it from a company called UPC. In this new world of the future, the only currency is time. Every time someone pays for a product, the price is referred to in minutes, hours, days, etc.

A scientist who has found the cure for NDS is murdered, and Det. Norman Scott and his partner Ruth (who seems to take hair care advice from Kelly Osbourne) are assigned to the case. Since UPC seems to have a monopoly on the product the whole world needs in order to stay alive, it would be in their best interest if the cure were not found. And the WJD seem to be like the FBI, but they are evil.

Det. Scott spends most of his time with Claire, a scientist who is also working on a cure. Occasionally, they are funny. UPC head Murchison and his goons (who include Walters) want them to fail and are willing to kill. And there is a new twist: Scott is given three days to live as a result of an experiment he didn't know he was participating in. This makes the search for the truth more urgent.

This started out as a really bad movie, and while it later showed promise, it never really improved, with two exceptions. Ron Perlman did a very good job as the head villain, and there was one other actor who really showed talent. He played a doctor (or at least some sort of medical professional) who took care of apparently homeless people and was raising two orphaned boys as his own.

Most of the other acting was mediocre or bad. Kelly Brook at least looked good, and she had her moments. Lou Diamond Phillips, despite being a respected actor, didn't show his ability here, in my opinion.

The movie showed little evidence of being set in the distant future. There were computer voices telling people to wake up in the morning, how much "money" they owed when they paid for products, and how much "money" they had left. One virtual reality scene had excellent visual effects (as the return to the "real world" was made, that is), but that seemed to use up the entire visual effects budget for the movie. We were supposed to pretend the cars weren't from the current decade, though cars have looked pretty much the same for years and I suppose it would cost too much to change them to look futuristic. One truck which didn't run looked like it would be nearly 100 years old.

It wasn't the worst movie ever.

Review on the movie "Absolon (2003)"

As always with any movie that casts Christopher Lambert I approach with trepidation. This is because his films, other than the original Highlander, always seem to be of B grade or less quality. Absolon only further reinforces that reality. The premise of the plot: that some major corporation is controlling the supply of a drug that is required for sustaining life is interesting enough. The execution of the plot and the production of the movie are poor at best. Here are examples. 1. The soundtrack is poor (pitiful and boring is a better description) 2. Lou Diamond Philips performs at his usual bad actor level. Every time he tries to act like a tough guy is deplorable. 3. The time period was after 2012 yet the sets were decorated with modern items, at times even old items: old cars, old telephones, old signs. Very little effort or expense was made to give the impression of a future world. 4. Overused and insipid clichés: a. Girl blowing smoke from barrel of a shotgun after killing someone. b. Worn out scene of last second salvage from a ticking time bomb. c. Black lady constantly applying lipstick in futile attempt at sexy and tough. 5. Fight scenes are unbelievable, too choreographed and too long. A metal pipe to the rib cage will drop a horse, but not our protagonist (even after he has already taken a few blows to the head). 6. Sidekick female doctor with a big set of tits (actually a really nice rack) is so obvious an attempt to add sex/beauty to a movie that hopeless lacks everything else. You have poor actors (Lou Diamond Philips, Christopher Lambert, Ron Perlman), poor background music, poor sets, poor plot execution basically you get a poor movie. On a scale of 1 to 10 this one gets a 3.5 at most.

I think this movie has enormous potential as a cult film. I was baffled by the first half of the movie. I found myself laughing out loud at the second half. You could almost hear the director coaching the lead actress - "Okay, in this scene you are once again feeling warm and feel the need to take off your jacket and arch your back." I half expected the actors to start laughing at themselves as they all seemed to be reading the terrible dialogue off cue cards. I would like to think this movie was made in under 24 hours and there was no time for writing, reading, or memorizing a script.

Even though the story was basically over after an hour, the plot dragged along - just to make this into the feature-length category. Even the actors and cameraman seemed bored with the actual plot. I have never seen a movie make more ridiculous use of sunglasses, hair extensions, and gratuitous chest shots.

I dare you to sit through the whole thing.

In the future, all money has been obliterated in exchange for a chronic medicine which treats (but doesn't cure) a universal plague that everyone suffers from. However when an actual cure for the plague is produced, the government wants to kill the scientist due to the shock it would have on the economy, Christopher Lambert, Lou Diamond Phillips and Ron Perlman are aboard to make this more watchable than it would be. Absolon is a straight to video movie (Obviously) which I watched on the Sci-Fi channel, for some reason I have an uncanny ability to seek out the STV movies independent from them and some how avoid their made for Sci-Fi movies, consider it luck I guess. However this being said Absolon is a competently made B.movie but it is also clichéd, unexciting and dreary. Lambert is actually not too shabby and there are moments when you suspect that the movie is going to open up and get really interesting but alas it never does. It always comes close to a boil but it loses steam due to an uninspired gunfight or something gratuitous to it's plot. Had Absolon concentrated on it's futuristic dwellings this would have been good, however because it lacks atmosphere the movie feels ordinary and by the numbers. Still fairly watchable in a low expectations kind of way.

* * out of 4-(Fair)

As far as direct-to-video sci-fi, it hardly gets worse than Absolon, and that's saying a whole lot. As with about 97.9% of the people who have seen this movie, I rented it because Christopher Lambert was in it. This movie was bad even by Christopher Lambert direct-to-video standards. The plot is a ludicrous story of viruses and big business in the "future". This future doesn't look very futuristic, but this is explained away in the prologue by telling the viewer that because so many people died in a plague, the world's population has enough goods to last another 100 years. I guess that's why everyone drives 2001 Tauruses and Explorers then, not budget constraints, right? Lambert comes out OK here, as he once again rises above his awful material to give what is at the very least an acceptable performance. Other than that, watch out. Lou Diamond Phillips hams it up like never before, and even Ron Perlman is stunningly awful in his small role (I guarantee he wasn't on set for more than a day or two, as his character never leaves his desk, and about halfway through the movie he stops interacting in person with the other characters, instead using video conferencing). Additionally, I'm pretty sure that in this future, anyone can be a cop, because one of Lambert's fellow cops looks like she is about 10 minutes removed from a Ramones show (with dark red streaks in her jet-black hair) and another appears to be wearing some sort of Indiana Jones Halloween costume (fedora included). Kelly Brook is gorgeous as Lambert's love interest, although her acting talent is limited as is her willingness to do nude scenes apparently. I've never felt so teased by a female character's lack of nudity in my life.

The direction is awful, I'm sure half of the people that read this, if not more, could make a better movie. Barto uses some of the most ridiculous editing techniques I've ever seen, including an incredibly obnoxious fast-forward/slo-mo combination that hurts my eyes every time it comes on screen. Even worse than the direction is the music. It's one thing to have the John Carpenter-esquire simplistic synth score, it's quite another to try to make it sound complex. The score was obviously recorded entirely on a synthesizer on "Strings" setting to emulate an orchestra, and the effect is hilarious, giving every second of music in the film a Casio Keyboard quality. This is not the only problem with the sound, however, as I swear there was one point in a chase sequence when Brook moved her mouth as if speaking and no speech accompanied it.

One of the worst movies I've ever seen, and maybe THE worst, but I'm giving it 3/10 because it is unintentionally funny to the point of actually being watchable all the way through, if only to wait for the next misstep.