Evil Alien Conquerors

Speaking as someone who loathed such witless films as DUMB AND DUMBERER, Chris Mathieson's film EVIL ALIEN CONQUERORS was never an obvious choice. But Mathieson's reputation as a writer of minor cult material (The BILL AND TEDs 1 & 2, MOM AND DAD SAVE THE WORLD) gave this, frequently slated, vehicle some curiosity value. Two gormlessly arrogant aliens, 'Du-ug' and 'My-ik' from the planet Kabijj arrive on Earth with a mission to behead the population within 48 hours. Unfortunately the deadly swords they've brought meant for the job are reduced to the size of cocktail sticks on arrival. While they think up alternate plans to enslave humanity, they become temporary lodgers with slacker Kenny. Now awaiting in terror the arrival of their alien enforcer Croker they are strangely drawn by the discovery of two odd mono-browed women at the laundrette, and the attractions of hairy feet..

CONQUERORS demands a particular sense of humour to enjoy it thoroughly which undoubtedly splits audiences down the middle (my girlfriend for instance told me never to play it in her presence again) but I found it continuously amusing, with few flat moments. Despite the ramshackle nature of it all, there's a lot here that's just naive and plumb-weird enough to stay in the mind. This while it comes nowhere near the grim, unfunny commercialism of a DUMB AND DUMBERER. The difference is that the off the wall naivity of CONQUERORS is a saving grace, not a lumbering handicap. Mathieson clearly wrote out what *he* thought was ludicrous on a micro budget. The cast play the result through straight, with never a distracting wink-wink made to an waiting audience, who at first might expect some recognition of such a personal joke. Du-Ug's continuous threats of "you will die in agony!!" to all who annoy him; the weird vocal play between the two aliens and their jump suit uniforms; the arrival of the much feared Croker, always shouting "I am the Mighty Croker!!" but unable to understand how feeble he really is, in the fast food restaurant ("we've got another one" says the bored til girl); the Lynchian mono-browed women, the balloon flying device, the My-ik's obsession with Smirnoff Ice; it all adds up to a package which is by no means terrible IMHO, if not side splitting, but quotably crackpot enough in a Saturday NIGHT LIVE sort of way to warrant seeking out as a real oddity.

Du-ug and My-ik come to earth with their swords to cut off the heads of every person on earth... in less than three days.

My-ik: Not a problem!

In attempting to do their job, they have to deal with cows, alcohol, unibrows and other problems they didn't expect.

My-ik: Not a problem!

I found this movie surprisingly funny. I hesitated to watch it at first, but as it featured Diedrich Bader, I gave it a chance and I'm glad I did.

The writer/director, Chris Matheson, wrote both Bill & Ted movies and he again managed to take what seemed like a weak premise and managed to make movies that still would be funny after repeated viewings. Matheson wisely let the actors and story speak for themselves rather than pad the movie with exploitive nudity or needless profanity.

The cast ranged from serviceable to good. I was particularly impressed with the actor who played Croker, who had to deliver all his lines at the top of his lungs. I would have liked to seen more of Michael McShane, Rabirr, who was so funny on his stint on the British version of "Who's Line Is It Anyway?"

...but I can't. It's hilarious. It's stupid. It's disgusting. It's a guilty pleasure. I have seen many stupid movies, but wow, this was stupid. But I loved it, even if I try to hide it. It takes place when 2 aliens are sent to Earth to behead every human beings. The ways they try to behead all humans are hysterical, and the aliens IQ is not very good... And the fact that their swords shrunk to the size of an ant. They try to fulfill their mission before the mighty Croker comes to Earth to kill them, and all that stuff. Croker yelling all this stupid stuff is great, Kenny is hilarious, and My-ik and Du-ug's addiction to Smirnoff Ice is great. Could of gone without the women with hairy feet and unibrows, but it all adds up to be a pretty hysterical film. Croker is really the comic relief of the film. Throw in some irrogent cows, some nudies, some roommates who like to have sex, and a strange exercise machine, you got yourself one fun ride that is so funny you'd hate to admit you love it. But admit it, it is the first step of realizing you have a racism movie problem. NUDIES!

I recently saw this film at a Northwest Film Center presentation, and it was SHEER BRILLIANCE. I admit, I did not enjoy myself the whole way through (some jokes were a bit overdone) but I must admit, a good portion of the movie was goddamn hilarious just from the simplicity of it all. My personal favorite was the constant agonizing over nudies (they had... NUDIES!) or the crazed devotion to Smirnoff Ice.

If you're in the dark as to the plot, the basic storyline is that two alien warriors (Evil Alien Conquerors, in fact) are sent to Earth to behead the entire human race. They can blend in easily because their race is completely identical to the humans (some would say that this is a low budget technique to save money on costumes) and the beheading won't be that hard because the two conquerors have giant swords. But when they get to Earth they figure out that they only have two and a half days to behead all of humanity, and their swords have become tiny. Oh, and we can't forget that if every human isn't beheaded within two and a half days a giant will be sent to eat the failed conquerors, and then behead mankind himself.

They were trying to be bad or silly

and they achieved it. It is intentionally funny and at times unintentionally funny. Bader is pretty good (Not as good as Rex character

from Napoleon Dynamite) and The guy that played Croker is really funny once you get past the annoying shouting he does at all times. Give it a chance. It seems bad at first but there dead pan delivery gets to be pretty funny after a while. Like other comments here have mentioned that it does seem somewhat like an Ed Wood movie but this was was funny on purpose.