On a moonlit night, in a remote research laboratory, a major medical breakthrough is about to have deadly results. A chemical compound that was created to "hunt and destroy" deadly cancer ce... Read allOn a moonlit night, in a remote research laboratory, a major medical breakthrough is about to have deadly results. A chemical compound that was created to "hunt and destroy" deadly cancer cells has leaked from the hazardous waste disposal system into the building's basement. Now,... Read allOn a moonlit night, in a remote research laboratory, a major medical breakthrough is about to have deadly results. A chemical compound that was created to "hunt and destroy" deadly cancer cells has leaked from the hazardous waste disposal system into the building's basement. Now, the rodents involved in the laboratory experiment upstairs are not the only rats in the f... Read all
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In my own particular case, this is exactly what happened. I had visited the local Blockbuster with my lovely and talented assistant, Noodles, in search of a movie so painfully stupid, so insipid, that I could sit through the entire thing without the slightest bit of sympathy for the so-called heroes.
"Altered Species" (packaged this time around as "Rodentz") is just such a film. So loathsome were its main characters that I found myself hoping, almost praying, that these brick-stupid chunkheads would fall victim to the leader of the rats - a six-foot critter that looks like a guy in a bear suit that has seen better days. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
"Altered Species" stars no one and features little more. It's lead actors - okay, it's ONLY actors - all look vaguely familiar, but you can't place the faces. If I had to guess, I would say that at least one of them has asked me, personally, if I "want fries with that."
The story, such as it is, revolves around a group of drunken people who visit their scientist friend, Walter, at the laboratory where he works with a cranky old guy who is continuously yelling at him that "the formula is FINE!"
During Walter's initial scenes, we get a taste of the back story, and it seems that clumsy Walter accidentally lets a crate full of lab rats loose in the building's basement. These rats, in turn, have been drinking from the experimental formula that they had previously been injected with.
After the cranky guy's cat (a cat?!? In a science lab full of rats?!?) disappears, he goes off to find him, and bad things happen to him. Walter, brick-stupid dolt that he is, doesn't find it the least bit suspicious that his boss also disappears, and proceeds to let his idiot friends in, where they can swill tequila from a plastic gallon jug. The friends are typical - almost cardboard cutout-like - horror film fodder, and it's not long before you begin hoping the rats get fed up with them and start eating them. It is not long before our prayers are answered.
Without giving away too much about this film, I think I can safely say that most of the people that deserve to die, do. I would say ALL of the people who deserve to die, but that wouldn't have left anybody to whimper and limp off into the sunset at the end of the film (as is required for this sort of flick).
Of course, with any horror film that feels it is worth its weight in celluloid, there is an obligatory nude scene, but it is played in such a way that the viewer isn't even given any gratification on that front, either. The girl is a sleazy tramp, and the guy is dumber than a box of hair. It was like watching Sylvester Stallone during his pre-Rocky, Death Race 2000 days, trying to get lucky with one of Calvin Klein's anorexic, heroine-addicted underwear models. Fortunately, the girl stops the greasy butt-steak from violating her long enough to ask if he has a condom. He doesn't, and a trip to the van downstairs is required. While the big, dumb lump rifles through the glove box, his beloved skank is having her face eaten by the above-mentioned six-foot rat.
Stupid? Yes. Banal? Without a doubt. A waste of money? Absolutely. But... Er... Okay, I was going for something here, but I don't remember what it was. Suffice to say, this is a not-good movie. Not a "bad" movie, mind you. Those are at least watchable on some level. A not-good film is sort of like setting your shirt on fire - fascinating at first, but you're going to end up hurting when it's finished.
It starts well, with the title sequence, but that's about as good as it gets.
The movie is something about rats turning into monsters and going on a killing spree. The acting isn't so much poor, but the script is pointless and the film isn't even scary despite the atmospheric music.
It really is amazing that some group cobbled together this bag of rubbish and thought it would make a good film.
It isn't a good film. It's trash, and I urge you not to waste a minute of your life on it! One out of ten.
**POSSIBLE SPOILER**Okay here's the story: Inna laboratory the scientist and his plucky assistant are experimenting on rats and their laboratory is in a crappy neighborhood and crappy building and the plucky assistant's moronic friends show up drunk and everyone becomes food for the crazed rats and just about everybody dies and, oh yeah, there's one giant rat that looks crappy, but it gets killed, the end. There, all in once sentence! Spoiler, you say? Ppfff!! I beg to differ! The second we all realize that there's a giant rat, we all know it's gonna die eventually!!**END SPOILER**
Here's the breakdown:
The Good:
--Well, I watched it for free, but for everyone else... hmmm, no. There's nothing good here.
Didn't Hurt It, Didn't Help:
--Um... well. the gore was decent. --Very average cinematography.
--CG rats not as bad as they could've been in some shots...
The Bad:
--...and in other shots, the CG rats were pathetically cheap-looking. Look, if your film has a low budget, maybe you shouldn't rely on CG. Lesson to take to heart.
--The acting is extremely poor.
--The characters are beyond uninteresting--we have a mish-mash of clichés and none of them are even done that well.
--Booooooooooooring.
--Been done before--plenty of times.
--Stupid story, just stupid.
--Giant rat looks like fat man in poorly conceived bear costume--that was kind of funny--but not funny enough to give this film any worth.
--Retarded, unrealistic, and boring dialog.
--All the college student rat chow people are drinking Tequila from huge plastic milk jugs--and yet they don't appear to be drunk for anything longer than a few seconds. Way to stick with continuity, guys.
The Ugly:
--This film is bad. Simply terrible. Worse than you might imagine. It's not even laughably bad like, for instance, "Scarecrow" (2002) or "House of the Dead." Now those movies are crap you can enjoy. Even if they do make you stupider.
Memorable Scene:
--The lame action-movie ending, complete with uninjured heroes and explosion. Because it didn't feel at all like the rest of this monstrosity--but still sucked.
Acting: 2/10 Story: 1/10 Atmosphere: 2/10 Cinematography: 4/10 Character Development: 0/10 Special Effects/Make-up: 4/10 Nudity/Sexuality: 1/10 (I was tending to my son occasionally during the film, so I may have missed it, but was supposedly in there) Violence/Gore: 4/10 Dialogue: 2/10 Music: 1/10 (average for the time) Writing: 1/10 Direction: 2/10
Cheesiness: 7/10 Crappiness: 9/10
Overall: 1/10
Watch it only if you love rat and vermin-based horror films. Wait... Check that. Don't watch it. It's crap.
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- Ratas asesinas
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- Runtime
- 1h 31m(91 min)
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