Death Train

This is quite simply one of the worst films ever made. It has no plot, it has no acting, or plain overacting. It has guns with limitless ammo and people who can carry limitless ammo clips.

But the very very worst thing - there was not one, single, tiny bit of continuity anywhere in the film. Ine some of the scenes the train was quite clearly standing still, not even moving, yet seconds later it was thundering at high speed over a bridge, next moment it was crawling along slowly in the mountains.

I didn't watch the credits, but I have to assume there was no continuity editor listed simply because a blind man could do better.

This movie is so bad, it's actually quite astonishing. There is not a single aspect that isn't dreadful. The script is shocking and low-grade porn actors deliver their dialogue more convincingly. The acting is stilted and staged across the board. The lame attempts at humour are easily missed, but you can spot them by noting when you cringe. The action scenes look so fake they're distracting, the sound production is terrible, and the special effects are even worse. I'm afraid I can't say much about the plot, since I'm not enough of a masochist to force myself to watch it with that much attention.

This would score high if it was a case study in how not to make a movie. It has all the elements that make a bad movie dreadful. How so many bad actors, directors, producers, cameramen, sound technicians and effects designers managed to converge on one place, we'll never know. It isn't even funny-bad. It's an ordeal. DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM. You have been warned.

What, it won't let me vote this zero? Awww...

Many of the characters in DEATH TRAIN are just like the ones you`d see in a disaster movie : The young pretty attendant , the young couple in love , the young crippled boy and the man of god . There`s a couple in nuns in there too and I was expecting them to pull out a guitar and give a singalong but fortunately this doesn`t happen . Unfortunately this doesn`t stop DEATH TRAIN from being a bad movie .

As everyone else has noticed ( And unless you`re blind , deaf and dumb it`s impossible not to notice ) DEATH TRAIN is more or less a DIE HARD clone set on a train except it doesn`t have any brain or intentional humour to it . There are laughs of course but I don`t think they were actually in the script . Remember that NAKED GUN film where Frank and the bad guy are shooting at one another behind the bin - the same bin ? well there`s a couple of sequences like that where the hero is in a gun battle with the bad guys and no matter how close they are no one gets shot , at least not untill the script requires someone to die . Plus the film is full of entirely dumb bits like hostages trying to jump the baddies only for them to be shot , this happens several times in fact which led me to ask what on earth made the hostages want to be dead heroes for ? Without doubt the dumbest bit of the film is when the hostages are left unguarded and none of them think about jumping off the train , a train that`s only going 20 mph , this isn`t a continuity error as someone commented , the action switches to the train cab and you can clearly see the speedometer that reads 20 mph

Despite not liking this film I guess it could have been worse - It could have used scenes from UNDER SIEGE 2

I am only guessing when I say this, but I think that this particular Nu Image movie was formed with the producers saying to the writer, "We have a lot of stock footage from past Nu Image movies. Write a screenplay that will enable us to use all of it." I say this, because DEATH TRAIN is just *packed* with obvious stock footage. Not only did I recognize some of the footage from other Nu Image movies, but the stock footage often does not match the newly shot footage! (The bulk of the movie was shot in Bulgaria, while the stock footage came from movies shot in South Africa.) With such laziness and cost-cutting, it shouldn't come as a surprise that the rest of the movie is very lacking. Bryan Genesse is very bland as the hero. And even though these bad guys are a lot more sadistic than you usually get in movies like this, they are otherwise lacking a lot of color as well. The action is mostly dull shootings, not taking any real inspiration from the source material, UNDER SIEGE 2. And while the movie is taking place in Mexico, there is only one character in the entire movie that looks Mexican. While I did stay to the end because I was curious as to how things would be wrapped up, I can tell you that the payoff is definitely not worth slogging through all the cheap and uninspired events happening before it.

With a budget of $27.00, by the looks of it.

Ok, it's only March but I'm willing to guarantee this will be the worst movie I see this year (Christ, I hope it is!)

It's obvious the makers of this flick looked at the basic premise and format from DIE HARD, and simply transferred it onto a train, believing that all they then had to do was have the good guy and bad guys shooting at each other for 90 minutes and the magic (and profit) of DIE HARD would be repeated. Wrong. DIE HARD was a successful fusion of blockbuster spectacle and sublime classical narrative that has yet to be repeated, whereas DEATH ON A TRAIN is just a bunch of bad actors shooting at each other.

The acting in this movie is terrible throughout, although it is difficult to see how even an accomplished actor could make anything of the cliched, expletive-strewn lines this lot are forced to utter. Bryan Genesse, as our hero, flits around in a long leather coat for the duration - he looks very cool, but it's hardly the attire of choice for an action hero repeatedly clambering over a train. He is also as bad a shot as the villains - the movie is crammed with interminable gunfights in which nobody fires anywhere near their opponent. And Bentley Mitchum, looking a bit like a chubby Tim Curry, is simply horrible as the villain. So over the top is his performance, it has a dreadful sort of fascination that compels you to keep watching until the bitter end, just to see how much worse his over-acting can get.

If you value your sanity steer clear of this movie.