The Bog Creatures

Ho, ho, ho - the name itself screams at you from the video store - 'rent me, rent me' - or maybe that's just me? If only the film itself screamed 'watch me' or at least 'enjoy me in a camp kinda way'...it doesn't really - but hey I've seen worse.

Selected by the world's most over-acted expert on "Irish bogs located somewhere in the Central U.S.", a group of college kids go to dig in a field somewhere in Arkansas, I mean, Ireland. Or maybe it was Norway. Or Sweden. Hell, it doesn't really matter because there isn't a bog within 300 miles of this movie. Unless I'm confused on my history and bog actually means "small dirt field with a few pine trees and some poorly hung fake moss."

Rumor has it that Viking warriors were buried in this bog and the expert professor has spent the last 10 years looking for their bodies. All of his colleagues think he is crazy for believing this.

Well not only is he crazy, he's also blind as a bat because these Nordic Zombie Warriors are all over the freakin' place. Seriously. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting an undead Berserker in the wee bits. In any outdoor scene you can be guaranteed there is at loeast one bog creature hanging out in the background. And our EXPERT can't spot one in 10 years?

Blah blah blah, terrible acting, 1200 year old undead Irish virgins who comprehend Modern English, witch descendants, THE END.

Bog Creatures is one of the worst horror movies I've seen this year. And who would have thunk it with a title like that? Yeah, that's sarcasm on my part. The box art was very misleading. The "zombies" in the film do not look anything like what's pictured on the cover. So don't be fooled. Debbie Rochon is the only "name" actress here so let that be a warning in regards to the acting in the film. Some of the principles are okay, but some of them are horridly awful. Maybe they weren't trying after they realized they were in "Bog Creatures." Sometimes, I really think about giving up on the made for video flicks but every now and then (a long now and then) a gem slips through. This is not one of them.

Well, to spoil it all for you... the only nudity is in the first 15 seconds or so. And you see exactly what the bog "creatures" look like about 5 minutes later. There was no suspense, and I think it would be way out of line to call this a "horror" flick. Some good points... the acting was decent, and some parts were quite humorous. My favorite part was the ending... Get through all of it, and you'll know what I mean. Bottom line? Not completely terrible, but not really too watchable, either. 5/10 from me...

They really don't make them like this anymore. It kinda reminds me of the whole Hammer flicks. You know, the ones that starred Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing. Anyways, this one relies on atmosphere rather than gore or nudity. Which I'm not saying is a bad thing. The acting was surprisingly good for the budget this movie had. And it was shot-on-film. Another great thing about this movie was Debbie Rochon! She did such a great job. She needs to start winning awards for her performances. She's so great! Well, that's all I have to say. I give it a 10!!!