Hell Asylum

Possibly the worst movie ever made. That is, if it was actually a movie, which it isn't. It seems more like some grad student's sad attempt to complete film school, by proving he could make a film on a $100 budget. The acting is atrocious, the writing nonsensical, and the FX laughable. The "house" which is supposed to be haunted is obviously a school, and only recently abandoned at that. The only thing truly scary about this movie was that I paid $3 to see it. A truly abysmal attempt, without even the usual gratuitous sex to liven it up. Avoid it at all costs.

It's amazing to me that this was allowed on DVD at all. It's just that bad. The plot, that there is a reality TV game-show thing with models who have to go into haunted rooms and such does admittedly have potential. Unfortunately, that potential was not carried out. To be honest, my favorite part was the credits, and that's simply because they at least looked halfway professional, unlike the rest of the movie. The actors prove that you can't just pull someone off the street and expect them to be good, although the actors aren't entirely to blame, as there is no one who could pull off the hackneyed clichés of the characters.

The music was just annoying, the gore looked more like spaghetti and that stuff in tapes (the black stuff) than someone's insides, and frankly, I find it hard to believe that this was made by someone who wasn't above the age of 18. The only good feature this 'film' (and I use the term very very loosely) has is that it did indeed leave me feeling sick, but for all the wrong reasons.

A friend bought this film as part of a collection of ten horror films for ten dollars. I was recently at their house and had the terrible misfortune to view it.

Hell Asylum is a hideous, hideous film with a blatantly ripped-off storyline from House on Haunted Hill.

Five beautiful stereotypes -the skank, the girl next door, the goth, the wannabe star, and the all attitude black chick- are sent to a haunted house as part of a reality TV show, and meet several not scary ghouls. The cloaked monsters provide no thrills, and the ending will have you either laughing or sleeping.

This film is bad. So bad it seems as if a film student made it just to pass film school (they wouldn't have passed) on a budget of $500. (Including actors' salaries.)

The awful, horrendous acting would be more suited in a Porn film and the 'gore' in Hell Asylum consists of 'intestines' which resemble spaghetti.

If only the Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys were still around to serve it the justice it deserves.

Watch out for the TV producer who bears a strange and unsettling resemblance to Martin Sheen. Except for the fact that Martin Sheen can actually act.

The scariest part of this film is the realization that someone actually paid money to have this produced.

Save your money at the video store and rent the Ring instead.

This movie is all over the place. What the heck are those grim reaper dudes anyway. Apart from eating peoples insides and whacking up people's faces and dropping bones all over the place. It's junk and the title music sucks. A typical low budget crappy movie. Apart from the usual small time actors and a hardly known producer company what has this movie got going for it.

Some of the acting is OK i'll give it that but the the movie has no plot.

Nothing

Stephen Dellabarca

A group of girls enter a TV reality show, where they have to spend time in a haunted house doing specific tasks to win 1 million dollars, though no-one counted on real spirits killing the crew and contestants.

Well the plot idea is right out of The house on Haunted hill (1958)- but really this is nothing more then watching stunning young women get butchered to death and eaten by ghosts... literally! Well the idea for this film took no brainstorm.

The filmmakers came up with an incredibly dull and unimaginative film, that had trouble keeping my full interest and the running time is only 67mins! The script was tripe and extremely stilted, as you just groan at the clichés and stupid lines you hear and the acting... geez it was awfully over the top, no charisma or talent evident.

The blood and gore was just laughable- I just thought it was over-used and ridiculously lousy… was that the end of a mop or noodles covered with fake blood as intestines?

The plot, where did it go? If you start off with one, you might as well finish it off. It's starts with introducing us to the TV reality show, the crooked host/director, the 5 female contestants and the history of the haunted place- but after this it goes off the rails, as you don't know what the heck is going on? There are no explanations why the ghosts are killing people, while the characters one by one just go and get knocked off. The characters were the usual one-dimensional stereotypes- but hardly engaging to care what happen to them. While the house itself is hardly atmospheric or chilling and the lighting was so dim it was hard to tell what was going on.

The camera work was pretty horrid, I think that they thought it was quite inventive- but it's not. The ghosts were 'fairly' eerie, well more the way they move and appear- but there nothing more then a person wearing a black cloak. What the film sorely lacks is tension and good scares.

Some of those interviews with the contestants to see why they are participating in this reality game are pretty ironic in what we are viewing in this piece of crap. While the satirical ending on the media producers was really platitudinous.

This film wasn't enjoyable enough to be entertaining, if you think it would be so bad it would be funny... it's no fun, it's a pretty miserable viewing.

Though it might be a REALLY cheap amateur film, that's no excuse for a lame story, script and a lack of suspense and chills.

What a turkey!