Hercule l'invincible

Super-buffed bodybuilder, Dan Vadis, as Argolese, certainly made for a mighty impressive son of Hercules, even though, according to ancient legend, Hercules never had any sons.

As our story in this Italian import unfolds - Argolese falls head-over-heels in love with Telca, daughter of King Tedaeo, whose great kingdom is being held in thrall by the fierce army forces of the evil queen, Etel.

Somewhere along the way Argolese (accompanied by his chubby, comic sidekick, Barbar), manages to fight off attacks from lions, bears, and even a nasty-tempered dragon, too.

Following his brief stint as a son of Hercules, chiseled muscleman Dan Vadis (1938-1987) went on to appear in 3 Clint Eastwood films - "High Plains Drifter", "Bronco Billy" and "Any Which Way You Can".

Son of the great man - Argolese (Vadis) - saves heiress Telca (Rozin) from the clutches of a fearsome bear and is granted her hand in marriage by her father the king (Sasso). Before they can marry, Argolese must recover the tooth from a dragon - which he duly does, but discovers on his return that the kingdom has been overrun by bandits and his wife-to-be, kidnapped and enslaved by the evil Queen Ella (Brown). Argolese must overcome not only the Queen, but her trusted right hand man (Clark) and his scheming daughter (Fiore) who has designs on the throne.

Vadis is a behemoth (and looks like he's just performed a thousand hack squats before each take), although not as anatomically gifted as Steve Reeves or Reg Park, he still towers above the rest, dispatching men, horses, bears, boulders - he is apparently impervious to just about anything (except a pair of elephants trained to tear his limbs off). Rozin is innocent and sweet, whereas Fiore is the smouldering siren, but with a megalomaniacal streak that makes her both feisty and attractive. Me thinks Argolese, the great chastity-breaker, should re-consider his choice of damsel.

If you're accustomed to the peplum genre, then this "Son of Hercules" tale will be no more, no less what you'd expect with another amiable muscleman, scantily-clad babes and the ubiquitous comedian covering all the bases adequately.

Take all the "Hercules" movies and boil them down to a series of plot essentials and you'll come up with something close to this movie. It has the muscular hero whose hairless chest is almost constantly on display and whose favorite wardrobe items are mini-mini-skirts and lace-up boots. The hero fights a few real beasts -- a lion and a bear -- as well as a mythical one: a dragon. He acquires a chubby, timorous sidekick who provides comic relief. He falls in love with the daughter of a king whose kingdom is taken over by a wicked queen. The hero becomes this queen's captive. She orders him to be pulled apart, wishbone-style, by teams of wild animals. (Elephants, this time, instead of horses.) The hero emerges unscathed from this ordeal. The queen falls in love with him but he remains true to the deposed king's daughter. The queen's slaves rise in revolt and her city is destroyed by a wave of lava. The hero and the king's daughter walk hand-in-hand to the cheers of the liberated citizenry.

So, if you see this movie, you've seen virtually all the other "Hercules" movies!

Dan Vadis lacks Steve Reeves' looks and charisma but he's in his physical prime here, looking appropriately brawny but not muscle-bound. Particularly noteworthy are his silver-dollar-sized nipples which punctuate his chest like a pair of decorative decals.

Ken Clark lists this movie on his filmography and the credits list a "Ken Klark" but if he's in here, he's hard to spot. Possibly he plays the evil general with the Fu Manchu make-up?

HERCULES THE INVINCIBLE stars Dan Vadis as everyone's favorite pile of muscles.

Watch! As Hercules battles a lion, pelting it with boulders! Tossing them as though they were made of papier mache!

See! Hercules reduce a dragon to cold cuts, in five seconds flat!

Witness! The mighty Hercules save enslaved people from their eeevil king!

Stand agog! While Big H bends iron bars like rubber!

Indeed, men are crushed, as big heavy things are thrown all over the place! Hercules does all of this while sporting the latest in earth tone mini-dresses!

Of course, there's also an obligatory "test of strength". This time, involving elephants! Annnd, the final, apocalyptic battle must not be missed!

A later entry in the genre, but worth seeing for the diehard devotee...

Hercules the Invincible finds Dan Vadis cast as the demigod son of Zeus who saves the life of a princess by slaying a couple of lions. Her father is ever so grateful, but asks him if he could do just one more little job for him, slay a dragon and yank out a back tooth which is said to be charmed. Hercules takes the contract and the dragon is summarily dispatched.

But while the dragon is being slain, some nasty dudes carry off the king, the daughter, and all other able bodied folks as slaves for their queen who lives inside a hollow volcanic mountain with her subjects. All they leave behind is John Simons who then becomes Hercules's companion.

Simons is about as useful to Hercules as Pancho was to the Cisco Kid. But the reason he was left behind is he's hardly a valiant types. The men of the kingdom eat the hearts of the valiant in the belief it will increase their courage. This guy will put it in the negative.

The rest of the film is concerned with the rescue with Hercules battling a bear, two elephants, and the volcano itself. He proves to be quite invincible.

Simons provides some nice comic relief for the audience. The big guy is stoic throughout Simons's cowardly goofiness.

Peplum fans should like this one.