Bikini Planet

Was invited to premiere last weekend ,BP is "Funny ,Not PC ,and Very much poking fun at SCI-FI GENRE !" The cast tries very hard to make you laugh,Geno Vasco as Professor succeeds and Stephanie beaton is actually quite charming as princess. This production looks slick and probably will be sold to Showtime cable or the Sci-Fi Channel.

This film begins with an astronomer by the name of "Professor Breast" (Geno Vasco) and a young student of his named "Billy Bigg" (Kevin Long) discovering a new planet within the asteroid belt. Excited about this the professor immediately calls the military who then informs "President Bubba Shrub" (Richard Van Fleet). Not long afterward, a space ship is launched to find out whether there are any aliens on this new planet and if so to annihilate them. However, when the crew lands on the planet they soon discover that instead of alien monsters the inhabitants are mostly attractive females who wear bikinis. What they don't realize, however, is that their ruler, "Queen Numnum" (Katheryn Hecht) has an insidious plan that involves killing them and taking their spaceship in order to invade the earth for a certain resource that they desperately need. Now rather than reveal any more I will just say that I wasn't expecting too much from this extremely low-budget comedy and yet even then I was somewhat disappointed. To be clear, there were some things that weren't terribly bad. For example, the graphics were obviously not top-rate but they weren't really necessary in the grand scheme of things and they lent a 50's quality to the film which I found rather quaint. Likewise, having attractive bikini-clad women certainly didn't hurt either. However, that's essentially the only two areas that were noteworthy as the script, acting and overall plot were simply horrendous. That being said, I'll give credit where it's due and have rated this film accordingly.

The jokes are thin, the ladies are lovely, and what the Latin guy is really saying is way funnier than anything in the script (but you'll have to know a little Spanish to get it).

I can only suppose that this started out as a porno that struggled to find actual porno actresses (there is one, but only one, in a very small role). So they shrugged and decided to skip the actual sex but kept everything else: the improbable premises, the leading-to-sex conversations, the lingering body shots, the jokes about size and sexual performance.

Stephanie Beaton is the only person in the whole film who comes across with any conviction, making her the most fun to watch. Everything else about the film makes for tedious going even once, and lacking in almost every aspect of film: editing, lighting, writing, acting, special effects ... actually the sound was pretty well-recorded, so there's that. Otherwise a film that makes Tinto Brass look like a pretty good filmmaker.