Bat Pussy

There's a broad range of quality in every realm of cinema...

...take the western genre, for instance. You've got classics like SHANE and RIO BRAVO, and plenty of junk like DESERT MESA and THE TERROR OF TINY TOWN. Great musicals such as SINGIN' IN THE RAIN have antipodes like THE APPLE, and for every masterstroke of comedy like DUCK SOUP or THIS IS SPINAL TAP, you have a GIGLI or IT'S PAT at the ass-end. I think it's safe to say that the horror genre's good/bad ratio gets a bit more skewed toward the negative. Then, of course...there's porn...

Can we critique both mainstream and adult films using the same obiter-dicta? Of course we can't, though there's clearly a similar spectrum of quality. In the case of porn, however, for every OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN, there's at least a thousand TEENAGE CYCLE SLUTS. Be that as it may, most folks would probably agree that pretty much any old pornography is able to serve its intended purpose...

...except, maybe, for one...

BAT PUSSY was whipped-up circa 1970 by an as-yet unidentified personnel, and I don't foresee anyone stepping forward to atone for this magnolious coup-de-maître any time soon. The single known print moldered for decades in the musty back-room of a long-standing porn theater, where it was ultimately rediscovered in situ by mere chance. Now that it's been unleashed upon the world, this impossibly unarousing gutterball sinks the opposition for WORST PORNO OF ALL TIME accolades, a sash which it will undoubtedly wear for many years to come. Unsightly old cretins exchange spit-and-vinegar bellicosities while loitering drunkenly in loose-fitting birthday suits...that, friends, is the fatal thrust of BAT PUSSY, a stultifying avalanche of graveolent unerotica which will not only deter you from touching your nasty pudendum-virile, it will motivate you to saw the damn thing off with a steak knife. Watch in frozen terror as a gelatinous hambeast with a four-story beehive and world-weary, shoe gazing milk-bags goes down on a pugnacious old bogan so scuzzy that a Bangkok call girl would refuse to scrub his back. Her face is crimped in sour disinclination as she spit-shines his fetid, wilting knurl with all the tantric artistry of a dog eating peanut butter. He reciprocates with equal inertia, administering a lethargic consecution of flicks and nibbles with such cowering disrelish that you'd think he was defusing a bomb with his tongue. Never in the history of blue cinema has the "beast with two backs" been quite so repellent...but I reckon that's to be expected when the participants despise each other and look like they should be ringing a bell in a tower.

On a slightly more positive note, there's the titular superheroine...she's three zip-codes away from hot, but I suppose she might do in a "last call" pinch. You'd expect her outfit to be skintight and sexy, with a whiff of Emma Peel fetishism, right? Pffft...she sports a lumpy dime-store Halloween costume, bobbing about town on a huge rubber sit-and-bounce ball. The aforementioned characters eventually merge for an appetite suppressing menage-a-trois, replete with jiggling flab, erectile dysfunction, and conjoint lack of interest. To top things off, it's crudely shot on grainy, cut-rate filmstock which makes the Zapruder footage look hi-def by comparison.

There's a cringeworthy otherness innate to this smutty side-show which is as strangely compelling as it is potently miasmic. It compounds the interpersonal animus of SHUT UP, LITTLE MAN, the mirror-shattering visual pestilence of GUMMO, and a rancorous surrealism resonant of early John Waters projects. If it spurs any stiffness in your tonk, chalk it up to rigor-mortis.

5/10. In summary, BAT PUSSY is utterly rebarbative adult entertainment with the Plutonian sapor of a Diane Arbus photo, and it's wrought with less artistic refinement than a snuff loop from El Salvador. Hold your nose and dive in.

NOW ON BLU-RAY as of October 2017! Read on...

What? 9 out of 10 for what is possibly the worst film -- make that worst PORNO film -- ever made? Even if a film is mind-numbingly bad, if the entertainment level is high then the film deserves a high rating despite it lacking any decent writing / technical aspects. I didn't give it a 10 because while it IS hysterically bad and SO entertaining, there are indeed some spots where you feel like you want to hit the fast-forward button on your remote (if your'e watching it on VHS, DVD, or Blu-ray). And not during the dialogue, THAT'S something you want to savor every bitchy moment of. It's the lackluster, almost cringe- inducing sexual moments that you might either get bored with or repulsed by, take your pick.

And everything you've heard is right: There are no credits, we're just supposed to accept what we're given. Buddy, who appears to be drunk for real. Sam, a plus-size gal with a visually distracting bee-hive hairdo and constant scowl. And Bat Pussy, who apparently hasn't had a bite of nutrition in months and has something against sex & pornography.

When Bat Pussy detects that Buddy & Sam are taking photos of their... lovemaking, if you will... her nether regions begin to twitch (well, she tells us it does, you don't see that), and in her headquarters (the handwritten sign says it is) she dons her truly sad Bat Pussy outfit and exits what is really an outhouse and heads out on her hoppity-hop. Down the side of a highway, with cars zooming by with what we can only imagine are confused passengers. After stopping off to save a gal from an attacker (Bat Pussy beats him with her hoppity-hop), she goes directly to Buddy & Sam's apartment. And for some reason has sex with them, instead of stopping them from their pornographic endeavors.

Long takes, looks to the camera, vocal directions from off-camera, and at one point Buddy calling Bat Pussy "Bat Woman" and Sam correcting him, correcting him, Buddy & Sam constantly insulting each other but saying "I Love You" while gnawing on each others genitals (yes, gnawing... seems they never learned oral sex techniques nor actual penetration)... the list goes on. It's priceless. I've lost count how many times I've seen this, and love to be with "Bat Pussy virgins" who are seeing it for the first time so I can see the looks on their faces.

And what makes the world even a BETTER place, is that as of October 2017, AGFA (American Genre Film Archive) in cooperation with the good folks at Something Weird have... restored (?) Bat Pussy and given us some extra treats. Here's what you get this time (instead of the tiring Baby Bubbles second feature on the Something Weird DVD-R): New 2K scan from the only surviving 16mm theatrical print! Commentary track with Lisa Petrucci and Tim Lewis of Something Weird, Crime-smut trailers and shorts from the Something Weird vault, Liner notes by Lisa Petrucci and Mike McCarthy, "the savior of BAT PUSSY," Bonus movie: ROBOT LOVE SLAVES, scanned in 2K from an original theatrical print, and double-sided cover art with illustration by Johnny Ryan (though I prefer the "original" art from the Something Weird release. Sorry AGFA, but the new art is not as cool).

The world can rejoice!

I've been a Disciple Of Bat Pussy for decades, and now she hoppity-hops into our hearts in high definition!

I still can't get that music by Neal Hefti (obviously borrowed without permission) out of my head, I think I'll put that CD of his back in and give it a listen.

I've made nearly 700 bizarre YouTube videos in my life, but damned if I'm not envious that I had not come up with BAT PUSSY (well, I was 10 at the time it was made, so I'm saying I wish I'd have come up with it later, or in an alternate universe).

Bat Pussy (1973)

BOMB (out of 4)

A married redneck couple are in bed trying to perform oral sex on one another while at the same time screaming insults. The husband wants his wife to re-enact pictures in his Screw magazine. After non-stop fighting Bat Pussy eventually shows up (after riding her bouncing ball) and joins the action.

I'm giving BAT PUSSY a BOMB rating because on every technical level imaginable it's a horribly made movie. There's really not a single good thing that can be said about it but that doesn't mean you shouldn't watch it. In fact, this is a very rare example of where a film's awful reputation actually lives up to the hype. Yes, BAT PUSSY is without question one of the worst films ever made and it's perhaps the most pathetic porno ever made but that's just part of the entertainment.

You can read up on the actual film but not too much is known about it. Apparently a print of it turned up in a Memphis porn theater and was eventually sold to the great folks at Something Weird Video. They released it and sure enough with a title like BAT PUSSY it became a huge hit and has gained a pretty strong cult following over the years. It's easy to see why because this is just one downright insane and totally messed up film.

The white trash couple just has to be seen to be believed. I can't help but think that they're actually related in some way and the strangest thing about their "sex" scenes is that not much ever happens. There's a lot of oral sex but for some reason no actual sex. The entire scene is just the two people cussing each other out, calling each other names and throwing one insult after another. When Bat Pussy joins the action there's just more oral sex and more insults. Why wasn't there any sex? I have no idea what was going on.

There weren't any credits so no one knows who these people are or who "directed" it. It seems the "dialogue" was just being made up on the spot as they went along. Since nothing is known about this film you can pretty much just come up with your own theory on the story behind the picture. My theory is that the man in the video had a relative die so he bought a camera. He then met a couple women in a bar and promised them fame by making an adult movie. The end result is this disaster of a film.

Everyone knows about PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, REEFER MADNESS and countless other awful movies but BAT PUSSY really deserves a spot in the Hall of Fame of awful but entertaining movies. Let's hope that there aren't any other movies like this out there waiting to be discovered.

Oh, wow! You have gotta be kiddin' me. What did I do to deserve such priceless B-entertainment? Sure, as a porno, this is an absolute embarrassment to the genre. And anyone who had anything at all to do with it deserves a kick in the ass. But whatever. That was hilarious!

Now,I'm not sure this was meant to be THAT ridiculous. because self aware B-movies isn't really something that we saw too much way back in the early 70's. Which only leads me to one conclusion. Everyone was on something. And a lot of it. Most likely alcohol. Otherwise, you'd think it woulda at least occurred to someone they this project shoulda been aborted. Cuz it clearly wasn't working... Or was it.

So, what we have here is an extremely unnatractive, middle-aged, married couple, taking turns making pathetic attempts at performing oral sex on each other, while one berates the other. And that's pretty much it. And obviously, our fine cast was also a bit tipsy. Tipsy enough to not be in the mood. or maybe they just weren't that into each other/ Yeah. Thsat's probably it.

And then there was Bat Pussy. she's... I don't know what the hell's going' on there. Just an incredibly sad attempt at parodying s duper hero. At some point in the movie, Bat Pussy rides her bouncy ball across "Gotham City", all the way to the love nest of the unfortunate married couple, only to get plowed by the still limp husband while the ugly wife bitches about it. She eventually joins in, but nothing comes of it. It's probably for the best.

So, like I said. Wow! This certainly wouldn't be fit for someone who's lookin' for an even remotely decent porno, but if you're lookin' for a so bad, it's good type film that makes absolutely no sense, you just might find it worthy of a watch. If not hilarious. Just don't forget the alcohol! 2/10

There was a time when anyone with a camera could make a porno and make money. The anonymous creators of this film decided to ride the wave of adult cinema in the 1970s and with a minimal budget and lack of great ideas they conceived the first porn parody in cinema, which, unfortunately for them, is also the worst. It has virtually no saving graces except for the moment where the heroine traverses the city in her space hupper. As a vehicle for masculine enervation it does not work and its protagonists do not stand out for their beauty or even for their sexual prowess (the man is almost impotent). What makes the film special is the ineptitude of its creators and the self-confidence they had to put this in a film that without any original pretension today is a classic.