Gang Land 2010: Les barbares de l'apocalypse

Really. Who financed this 'cause buddy, I have got a deal for you!

I caught this last night flipping through the channels. You know the time, when you're bored, but too lazy to get off the couch and do anything responsible, so you just keep surfing. I took in about ten minutes of it-about the same time needed to think on the existence of turd-zilla or spent on the toilet creating him and I'm not sure what was intended.

Had this been purely geared at cheese, it might have come off pretty good, but I actually got the impression that it was done in the name of serious cinema and this is what got it classified as a turd.

I'm not familiar with anyone outside of the cameos of Ice-T and Coolio in the beginning, but this is a lesson in bad filmmaking for the student. Watch and learn if you dare! I cannot see wasting another second typing here and most of the reviewers agree with me so...

Lets see, where do I begin. ah yes, this has got to be one of the worst movies I have ever had the misfortune to view. The plot was beyond stupid and the story became more and more twisted and confused as the movie progressed. Vincent Klyn's tragic performance as Lucifer was simply pathetic, and a very pale comparison to his portrayal of the pirate leader Fender in the movie Cyborg. The two leading actors Sasha Mitchell and Costas Mandylor were both wasted in this movie; and both I'm sorry to say were looking pretty shabby in regards to their respective physical shapes. Both of them seemed over the hill, and both were sporting beer guts, hardly what you would expect in two kickboxing heroes. I won't even go into the business about the giant blond genetically engineered gangmember on steroids; as I'm still trying to figure out why his character was introduced??? Anyway, for all those fortunate enough to have missed seeing this movie up till now let me extend some simple advice...don't see it. The only good thing this dvd had going for it was the special features, which included cast biographies and interviews.

I don't understand how someone can consciencely recommend this movie. It is one of the worst films that I have seen in years. I go into every movie openminded, but after just 5 minutes I knew was what to come.

The storyline of this movie is simple (if not overdone). Nuclear war, chaos, weak falling gov't. Moving gangs go around as a corrupt and makeshift "law" force tries to stop them. While this is going on there is an ebola outbreak ravaging cities and a psychotic leader trying to control the cure.

Now from that summary this movie may sound interesting. It goes WAY downhill. My first quirk is with the acting/story. This is low budget movie, ok, but this is disgusting. No one in the movie has heard of the concept of taking cover. That means when your being shot at you move to a position to hide from bullets. You don't stand in the open and fire like Rambo. Trust me, it looks ridiculous and it goes on throughout the whole film. Then there is the fact that the protagonists only fight with pistols and proceed to kickbox. Yes, what a sound technique. 3 strangers team up and randomly mow down people and kick box them. Did I mention that all 3 of them lost a loved one. Well that surely calls for vengeance. The acting is horrible. My god, cover your ears and eyes horrible. I swear to god that half the gangmembers sound like pirates. YARR YARR YARR HAHAH YARR. Then there is their leader who somehow has a bioresearch labratory (in some fictional lair in the US) and he has also bioengineered a super soldier. This is good, he is a deluded king that must think he is royalty. He has a sword and nights people, he wanders about his palace giving orders and not really doing much when they aren't accomplished.

I'm going to stop here, because there are so many things to criticize that I can't even organize it all properly. I suggest you steer clear of this movie. I like the genre but this is a stinker if I've ever seen one. I suggest "28 Days Later", "Dawn of the Dead", or anything else if you want a good post-apocalpytic flic. I highly highly recommend 28 days later. The film is excellent and was filmed on a small budget. Makes you think what could have been done with the money wasted on gangland.

Being a bit of a fan of Sasha Mitchell, I was overjoyed to pick this up for as little as £1. Shame it turned out to be £20 too much.

The plot of the movie is basically a really watered down version of Jean Claude Van Damme's Cyborg, about a post-nuke world where three heroes, Mitchell, Costas Mandylor(of Fist of the North Star fame) and a woman I've never heard of called Kathleen Kinmont actually fight Fender from Cyborg, now called Lucifer, but played by the same actor in a worse costume. Lucifer's little brother is the dorkiest attempt at a villain ever, and the movie is quite frankly a nightmare, with the only things redeeming it for me being the fact that Sasha still works, and that future Terminatrix Kristanna Loken has a small role(far too small).

The action is dull, the characters dumb, and the story rehashed from a hardly classic 80s Van Damme vehicle, the worst of it is, the movie has the cheek to not even do this in a funny way, it's just plain crap. Avoid this, and any other movies directed by Art Camacho.

This movie is hilariously awful. Everyone who had anything to do with it should be ashamed of themselves. Ashamed! (Especially Ice-T, who doesn't just embarrass himself, but actually disgraces his entire bloodline.)

You got your bad acting. You got your ridiculous costumes. You got your gratuitous (and I mean really, really gratuitous) boobs. You got your completely incoherent script. You got your totally random mutant Frankenstein's monster type thing. In one scene, our heroes load up on firepower; in the next, they have to fight bad guys hand to hand; two minutes later, they're armed and dangerous again. The plot hangs together about as tightly as a group of divas forced to share a dressing room. And my god, the exposition!

You got your tragic heroes, of course. A guy whose wife and daughter were murdered by the bad guys and spends a lot of time brooding about it. Another guy whose brother is murdered before his eyes by the bad guys in one of the early scenes and spends about five minutes throwing a tantrum before apparently forgetting all about it in the heady rush of beating dudes up. And I especially like how these two stumble across the female lead just lying there under a tree. They roll her over, she wakes up, and what do you know, it turns out the bad guys killed her sister! Coincidence... or conspiracy?

And of course, there's also a scientist whose family is being held prisoner by the bad guys. Because I guess they ran out of fake blood or something.

You will laugh uncontrollably at -- well, pretty much everything, actually. "Lucifer," the big bad guy? Top-notch comedy. Seriously. You'll love his minion, too. This movie is so preposterous, even stupid ignorant people will find mistakes to laugh at. I won't ruin it for you, but just wait till you hear what Alexis says about the syringe of her sister's blood.

I will, however, ask if anybody -- anybody -- can explain to me why there was whalesong playing in the Death Valley scene. Anyone? Bueller?

I laughed so hard I got a headache. I think I would rather chew off my own arm than watch this movie again.

I give it two thumbs up the ass. Highly, highly recommended.