Big Brother

" Have you been watching BIG BROTHER " my sister asked me in a telephone conversation . I replied that I hadn`t . I knew what the show was because every single tabloid newspaper had hyped up the show from the very first day it started way back in the year 2000 . While the series is being broadcast it`s impossible to open a British popular newspaper without being greeted by page after page of the housemates life stories , but just out of curiosity I decided to give the show a chance and I must say I was totally underwhelmed by it .

It might surprising to know that I managed to avoid this show untill series four , but if this is as good as it gets I`ve missed nothing . A bunch of people sitting around drinking is not great TV unless the people involved are Oliver Reed , George Best , Alex Higgins etc . We have a big strapping Scotsman Cameron Stout and he never makes Anglophobic statements , never gets drunk and never pays flattering compliments to the female housemates ! Not a typical Scot I`m sure you`ll agree . Well Cameron won in a popularity contest that resembled vote for the least boring person because someone will win . I guess I would have voted for Cameron myself but that`s only because we`re both Jocks and the opposition were so bland

That said , if Channel 4 are thinking of doing a fifth series I wouldn`t mind having a go myself . After all the drink`s free and when`s the last time a Jock`s turned down free booze

We are talking about a show which was once introduced with the words "Day 21 - Derek is eating a sandwich". What sort of person carries on watching anything after that.

You'll see the phrase "like watching paint dry" through thousands of user comments across this website, on despised shows & films.

Never a truer word spoken here though & FOR TWO REASONS.

One because it is that dull - although that maybe a tad unfair on paint.

But secondly - the day British TV fell to it's knees (and went largely unnoticed). A few years back the housemates (there's better names for them than that - but wouldn't make it through the firewall) had to each paint a bench in a colour that reflected themselves. (I expected 12 grey benches). Anyway - after they finished painting them & went inside the camera remained outside, for several minutes - while the viewer did indeed "watch paint dry".

And still the public watched.

There is possibly one thing worse than Big Brother. The host. I won't give her the satisfaction of publicising her name (+or benal facial expressions) but we're talking about a woman who once introduced 3 OF THE 6 FEMALE ENTRANTS one year by their name & breast size. Never mind, name & job title, name & achievements, name and ambitions maybe. Nope, name & size of Charlies are all that counts nowadays.

Not again! Why is this being inflicted upon us yet again?

Yes, I know, I don't have to watch it if I don't want to but ... Big Brother is like a plague that infects the country every summer. It's very difficult to avoid even if you want to.

I gave it a couple of cursory looks to see if it is as unbearably stupid as usual and I have to report that if anything it may be worse. About the only good thing about this year's is that the contestants seem to possess some books. Was it true that books were prohibited articles on a previous series?

The 2003 crop look like being extremely boring. Hardly any of them stood out. Oh, why I am even bothering to write about it? Enough!!

'Big Brother' has now run for five seasons with 'real' people (i.e. ordinary Joes and Janes who were not celebrities) and has just begun a third season 'celebrity' version.

The trouble is that what was originally an idea of some originality and promise - shut a few contrasting personalities in a house with no contact with the outside world, intrusive cameras, and unusual tasks, for a few weeks and see what happens - after season 1 had passed future house-mates knew what to expect.

Subsequent seasons have seen the house-mates exploit their new-found 'fame' (for doing what, exactly?) not only after leaving the house, but while they are in there. So the challenges get ever more tedious, the tabloid and gossip mag column inches get longer, and the nation for some reason continues to watch.

Another nail in the coffin of British TV, an indication that poor taste and high ratings go hand in hand (that or the TV-viewing public at large really will watch anything and they get what they deserve).

Plot

A group of contestants move into the Big Brother house, where they nominate each other to be evicted by public vote. The last person remaining will take home a large cash prize, while the others take home nothing.

Cast

A bunch of sad sacks desperate for fame.

Verdict

I remember when this came out, I thought it was a fascinating social experiment and an interesting premise for a television show especially since this was before the days where reality television was a big thing (Those were the days).

Throw a bunch of people into a shared property, throw challenges at them and have them voted off one by one until one is left and give that people a wad of money. Inevitably people play the camera, scheme against the others and in theory it makes for great television.

In reality? They scrape the barrel finding the most fame hungry desperate people they can, a combination of vile and just pathetic. And oh boy they do play to the camera, leaving not one single person you can relate to or even remotely like. And the scheming, it shows how scummy the majority are, just like in real life.

And then if you haven't had your fix of watching people sitting around, had your dose of drama and childishness then you can tune in live to watch them sleep in night vision! Yeeeah!

I despise reality television for a host of reasons, Big Brother embodies them all.

Rants

You know Big Brother has given us one good thing, ONE! And that's Dead Set (2008). Remember that? The zombie mini-series about the zombie apocalypse starting and those in the Big Brother house being unaware! Despite all the Big Brother alumni doing their best to ruin it just by existing I have to say that was good stuff. I'd rather watch one episode of that than all 1.4k of this offensively stupid tripe.

The Good

Davina McCall is oddly likable

The Bad

Literally everything else, across the board, just stop it.