The Horrible Dr. Bones

A couple of days ago, I watched 'Troll 2' on video and I was astonished with such a bad flick. This 'The Horrible Dr. Bones' has not had the competency to be worse than 'Troll 2', what seems to be impossible, but it is almost there. What a ridiculous trash 'movie'! Certainly it is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. The title is very appropriate: Horrible! The ham 'actors' and 'actresses' combined with amateurish direction; awful screenplay; poor effects and make-up, all blended together is a synonym of crap. Fortunately, the videotape does not smell. My vote is two.

Title (Brazil): "O Terrível Dr. Bones" ("The Terrible Dr. Bones")

Back when I was in college, instead of going to parties or trying to be "popular", my roommate and I watched a lot of movies.

Midway through the year, we would run out of movies we had actually heard of, and instead began to rent the most horrible looking films we could find (that is how we found Altered States). And It's how we came across the Horrible Doctor Bones.

It's been a few years, but recalling the movie and the plot (heh, heh), I remember some white-boy rapping, an absolutely terrible story, and the longest torso on Dr. Bones that you will ever see on a human. Normally, I am not the best judge of acting talent. For example, I really can't tell the difference in acting between Tom Hanks and Colin Hanks, besides one is quite a bit sexier.

If you are looking for some unintentional comedy, you have found the right movie.

1/10

In my experience, most avid fans of scary movies prefer a heavy metal riff over the electronic rhythms of urban music, but that hasn't stopped several film-makers from mixing rap with the red stuff, hip-hop with horror, and 'phat' beats with bloodcurdling screams. Hood of Horror, for example, was a gory horror anthology presented by rap legend Snoop Dogg, while Leprechaun in tha Hood saw OG Ice-T going head to head with the little Irish fellow with the pot of gold. To my surprise, I actually enjoyed both of these films, and despite being a lifelong rocker, I found myself warming to the whole urban music/horror movie concept—until The Horrible Dr. Bones, that is...

A z-grade effort from director Ted Nicolaou (hiding behind the pseudonym Art Carnage), this torpid tale of terror stars Darrow Igus as Dr. Bones, an evil music impresario who hires up 'n' coming act The Urban Protectors (or is that 'Tha Urban Protectaz'?) as part of his plan to rule the world by combining voodoo chants with the band's live music, thus turning listeners into obedient slaves; similarly, director Ted Nicolaou carries out his dastardly plan to create an army of brain-dead zombies by exposing viewers to a potent combination of terrible script, incredibly dull direction, and risible bargain-basement digital effects. A couple of passable music numbers and the presence of the rather lovely Sarah Scott Davis (as the band's bootylicious lead singer Lisa) narrowly prevented me from fully lapsing into a catatonic state, but it was a close thing. Don't risk having your mind turned to mush by Ted—avoid The Horrible Dr. Bones like the plague.

I rate this film a low, low 2.5 out of 10 (generously rounded up to 3 for IMDb), which, amusingly, is still one of the best scores from all of the current reviewers.

If you are a zombie, you might be able to relate to this film.

I cant believe any of the cast put there names to this, it is shockingly bad. The acting is unbelievably bad! I wasted 72 minutes of my life watching this film, and i want them back.

I am ashamed to say that i have watched this god awful steaming pile of crap. Most bad films are quite amusing, but this really is so bad, its not even funny.

Every copy needs tracked down and burned. So bad is this film, i cannot describe it in words! Do not even curb your enthusiasm by watching it, please just stay away! TERRIBLE!

Horrible! Awful! Vile! Ghastly! Terrible! And that's the movie, not the title charactor.

The good doctor it seems is a voodoo priest with a private collection of undead zombies. But he has grown tired of just being able to control the dead. Now he plans to enslave the living as well. And he's got a plan to just that!

With the aid of two technical experts, a hip hip band and his own mystical chanting, Doc Bones hopes to turn the worlds population into mind controlled living zombies.

He need not have bothered. By the time his evil scheme is put into motion, the audience has had their collective brains fried by the intense boredom the film generates.