Rollerball

I was really speechless after watching "Rollerball". I expected a dull movie, not something so dreadful. "Rollerball" has all the elements to make one of those bizarre cult classics from the 70's and 80's. Except the fun element.

The movie starts with the worst police chase in years. Believe me, any Lorenzo Lamas movie, even one featuring appearances from Dolph Lundgren, can be capable of a car chase better than this: we see Chris Klein running from police in a mix of skateboard and racing-car, in San Francisco. Then, helped by his friend LL Cool J., he goes to an Asiatic country. There, the most popular game is the Rollerball, a mix of basketball and roller-skating that seems to be deadly and a great money-maker. Rollerball is controlled by Jean Reno's character, the average "mad-business-man" stereotype. Then, we learn that Chris Klein is having an affair with his Rollerball partner, Rebbeca Romjin-Stamos.

What comes next is not worth telling. Of course, Chris, LL and Rebbeca will make a rebellion against Jean Reno. But there isn't anything new in this idea. It's wasted by a script that, once tries to make a cheap social critic, then tries to shove action sequences in the screen at all coasts, and both are really bad.

The acting is at the last level. It's incredible to see Jean Reno, an actor that is mostly great (watch "Red Rivers") making such a mess with his role. It's so stereotyped and has so less to do (despite it's importance in the plot) that you can completely forget about it. LL Cool J. is a special case: he keep going well for a while, and then completely disappears, showing that, maybe, good acting wasn't allowed in Rollerball rules.

Oh, the main couple. Chris Klein and Rebbeca Romjin-Stamos. Well, Rebbeca is incredibly sexy in this role, and it's nice to see her in topless scenes, so we can forget she's so bad here. And Klein. Let's just say Chris Klein will NEVER work in an action movie anymore. At least we hope so.

In the end, the movie is a complete mess. Is not only a waste of money, but also waste of time, celluloid and Jean Reno. That is a complete sin. It feels like director John McTiernan wanted so badly to make a stylish movie that he forgot to make a good movie.

The original film was a masterpiece. Not only for the (at the time) over-the-top action, but for the marvelously clear look into the future. Only science-fiction would dare suggest the future holds society completely employed by six corporations! What a brilliant prophecy!

In the self-centered and hedonistic 70's, isn't it amazing the true gist of the original film is the attempt to keep a famous player from becoming bigger than the game he plays? One need only peruse today's business section to see how our society now strives to eliminate the notion of the individual in favor of an identity-nullifying "team concept."

So one can say the original is all about the triumph of the individual.

The 2002 version is nothing more than a haphazard mess that shows what happens when a studio changes hands and a cinematic vision is compromised for a PG-13 rating that effectively destroys the film. Rollerball could do with a well-intentioned remake; this wasn't it.................by a long shot.

`Rollerball' is a god-awful remake of the 1975 Norman Jewison film about a fictional sport in which murdering the players becomes a primary object of the game. The original film acquired what little credibility it had by setting the story sometime in the distant future. This version is set in the present, but it tries to maintain its believability by locating the league in Southwest Asia, under the parochial assumption, I suppose, that that part of the world is every bit as alien, exotic and dehumanized as any hypothetical future society. It doesn't work. It is simply impossible for us to believe even for a split second that the owners and promoters of this sport would think they could get away with such murderous shenanigans broadcast live to millions of viewers the world over. Might not the United Nations, among other international organizations, have a thing or two to say about all this? Also, will someone please explain to me just WHAT purpose is served by having the promoters of this sport killing off their own players? Doesn't that sort of deplete their own resources for future games? I can't imagine too many people willingly signing on to engage in this sort of gladiatorial tomfoolery.

Even if we agreed to swallow the whole thing merely for the sake of the entertainment value of the film, we would be forced to admit that `Rollerball' is a chintzy, clunky, uninteresting movie in all respects. The sport itself – sort of a cross between motor cross racing, roller derby, hockey and basketball – is completely unexciting, consisting of little more than blurred figures racing madly around a cramped, claustrophobic track. Without even the context of good action sequences, `Rollerball' is forced to fall back on its dialogue and characters, which proves to be disastrous for all concerned. Chris Klein, in the role of hotshot Jonathon Cross - played by James Caan in the original - comes across as a minor league version of Keanu Reeves. LL Cool J is wasted in the part of Jonathon's American sidekick, and poor Jean Reno gets to play one of the most laughable villains we've run across in a movie in a long long long long time.

In fact, this redux turns out to be good for nothing BUT a few hearty laughs. If you are in need of such, check out `Rollerball.' It's a real hoot.

Johnathan Cross, a lover of extreme sports, is recruited to star in Rollerball. The players are on Rollerblades, trying to bring a heavy metal ball into a high goal. Also, there are motorcyclists around to bring momentum to the players. Oh yes, and there are no rules in the game. During his skyrocketing career, Johnathan has to experience what Alexi has found out: Blood brings more viewing pleasure to the audience. In a final game, Johnathan and his team have to fight for mere survival.

Back in 1975, James Caan brought us a brutal movie in which you can literally hear every bone in the players body break. Now, John McTieran has brought that film to us again, for a new generation. With stars like LL Cool J, Rebbeca Romijn and Chris Klein you would expect it to be a pretty bad remake, but this is not the case. Rollerball does the unthinkable and gives Psycho a running for it's money as the worst remake ever created by man.

Chris Klein in every film he has been in manages to make it look as if he has no range at all. His soft voice and good looks can only go so far, and in a movie where you need to beat the living hell out of another team member, you want someone that can at least yell and make a sound beyond a bird chirp. LL Cool J is only hear to bring the film a "cool" hip look, he's suppose to be the I don't give a damn, James Dean character, but it doesn't fly. Rebbeca Romijn, well, she has a nude scene, but when it's covered in the dark, you wonder why she is even in the movie to begin with.

Rollerball is suppose to be a bloody entertaining film, but McTeirnan at no point manages to show us anything entertaining. The entire game sequences seem uninspired and drawn out. When it goes for a shock, it misses and misses completely. I'm still wondering if LL Cool J's character is dead or alive, but apparently it's not important to the story. LL Cool J probably knew that this was going to be garbage and left the movie, leaving the film crew to make his character disappear. I don't blame him.

Not even the professional himself, Jean Reno save this film from the ultimate horrible experience that we all will endure from seeing this film. In a film about violence in sports, you would expect to see some, but when you have a PG-13 rating, you know that it was targeted to make money and nothing else.

I can't understand why someone would want to see this film, the final action sequence is yet another let-down in this horrible tripe. The only thing that this film has going for it, is it's 97 minute length, so if you do have the unfortunate experience of sitting through it, it will be over soon enough.

After knocking off 26 positive reviews I felt the need to slaughter a cinematic turkey of mammoth proportions. And this it. This movie will depress anyone who loves movies. I would hate to encounter anyone who likes this piece of sewage. There is nothing of value on screen: from the horrid acting of LL Cool J to the gratuitous street luge scene. If the director had an ounce of humor he would have used The Trashmen's "Surfin' Bird" here. But that would be asking too much. Instead, the film makers get together and trash a classic. When this happens someone must step in and play policeman and arrest the Hollywood perpetrators involved in this criminal mischief. You have the right to remain silent. Anything--Well, forget it. I believe the director lost his mind. The night vision scenes were visual poison. Puke green. Fuzzy. Shockingly enough, an entire reel or two of this utterly useless footage of a chase of some kind made it into the movie. I have this feeling the film was unintentionally overexposed. The Rollerball game cannot be followed by anybody sober. Loud. Noisy. What are the rules? There is not a scintilla of drama anywhere in this motion picture. Take this stinker out to the curb before it contaminates the rest of your dvd collection or damages your player. Wretched. Shame on all who were involved. And a pox on their homes, too.