Killer Instinct

Killer Instinct opens with a horde of vigilantes chasing a bloodied someone through some smartly lighted woodland. After he stops off to stab an unfortunate fellow that has his back turned, they eventually catch up with him and quite literally bundle him! (I was actually expecting one of them to shout ‘Bundles!') He must've really upset these townsfolk because out comes the noose and the man is hung by the neck until the screen fades. Clichés abound when the words 15 years later pop up on the screen and we're introduced to a troupe of banal teens that discuss a massacre that occurred as many years earlier. (Round a bonfire no less!) Meanwhile, the backdrop gives us a subplot concerning a businesswoman (Dee Wallace Stone) who wants - or is trying to purchase - some property from a ‘played to be' sadistic Corbin Bernsen. Anyway back to the teens, who are now (extremely unoriginally) talking about spending the night in the abandoned asylum where the slayings took place. Their posse consists of the all the typical ingredients that are now solidly encrypted into the slasher movie guidebook. Annoying guy, slut, randy couple and girl that can sense the danger that lies ahead, you know the drill! Surprisingly however, I hadn't yet picked out an obvious ‘surviving heroine'; none of the offerings were shy, reclusive or virginal. Hmmm! They finally make their way into the desolate building, which really looks a lot more like a normal house. It's also worth noting that for a place that has been left to rot for fifteen years, it's extremely well preserved! There are no light bulbs so an unusually large amount of candles give us our lighting (but where on Earth did they get them?), meanwhile unbeknown to them, their chances of leaving have just taken a downslide due to the doors and windows locking mysteriously. Before long it's decided that a game is in order, preferably one that'll split the group up so they can wonder off to their doom! They choose to take off their underwear and put it in a bag so someone else can hide them around the location, before they all separate to search the garments out (seriously!). But before they leave, Wendy (Paige Moss) digs through the briefs and shows them off so that everyone can have a giggle at what their friends were wearing (I'm not kidding, I swear!) It's hardly shocking when we learn that a masked killer seems to think that their numbers need trimming and sets traps so that they stumble on to their impending fate!

Killer Instinct boasts some competent photography and lighting and the darkened set locations manage to look fairly spooky. The methods of murder are authentic and also pretty interesting. My favourite was when a guy lying on a bed was showered with broken glass from a trap door above him, one piece slicing straight through his stomach and is next seen sticking to the floor below the mattress! There was also a smart decapitation and the use of a venomous snake, which is at least, a new one on me. When the killer is unmasked at the end, you'll be fairly surprised at the conclusion. I must admit that it wasn't one that I'd have immediately guessed. But it has to be said that it was rather impossible for him to commit the murders before changing clothes inexplicably quickly so as to keep up the appearance of innocence. Credit should be given to the director for killing off the most annoying character first. If we'd have had to suffer his painful gurning any longer, I'm sure pressing the eject switch would've become a glaring temptation.

`Every cliché has a grain of truth in it.' Mouths one dim-witted character, which could only have been included in the script as an attempt to excuse the director's blatant purloining from previous genre pieces. Here it looks like he's been watching the housebound slashers of yesteryear like House of Death and House on Sorority row, using them as subject matter for this obvious amalgamation. The cast is just what you've come to expect from this grade of movie, lame, untalented and uninspired. Page Moss was probably the most convincing, but she was still fairly weak. She did manage to prove to be the best looking of the bunch, which really wasn't a tough challenge. Bernsen and Stone were equally unconvincing, really slumming it and adding yet another nail to their rapidly closing career coffins. There's a large amount of nudity that'll please younger teenagers, but here it looks especially gratuitous with one girl giving an orgasmic performance that could keep Jenna Jameson checking her shoulders!

The film's main flaws are its horrendous lack of pacing and equally poor efforts at generating any kind of interest. The two separate plot lines seem as if they have very little in common with each other and I found it hard to keep track of the names of any of the characters, because they were so instantly forgettable. I really couldn't find anything to be excited about in either the gore-less murders or the leisurely paced showdown. At one point the house caught fire, which sparked some amusing shots of a scaled model burning that were so obviously fake, it was pitiful! Offerings as mediocre as Killer Instinct are killing off the slasher genre. Although famous for its staggering repetition, the loveable sub-category needs ambition and reinvention if it's going to survive many more years. I bought this because I read somewhere that it was gory with a healthy production, but it's not, it's just lame.

I must say that my main motivation at first for renting this flick was to see the locations in and around my hometown forever immortialized on celluloid. But as I was watching the film, I soon saw that it was a very well done film and genuinely scary. If you enjoy this movie, be sure to visit the Chef's diner in Downingtown, PA (which was also the location for the 1958 classic 'The Blob')

TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE. A downright bad movie with no redenmning value whatsoever. If you look up the term cliche in the dictionary you will find "see: Killer Instinct". And continuitity errors? you bet. Good acting? If you think Kevin Costner is a quality actor, sure. Special Effects? Who needs them. Senseless nudity with no purpose whatsoever? You bet your ass. Clever kills? Sure glass that defies the laws of physics. If you find this movie at your local movie store, rent it and burn it. This is the type of film that ruins the horror genre. Once again, please, please, please, do not give money to the wannabee filmakers who made this trash.

And this is a horror movie? I think not. A group of young, hormone-driven teens, sneak into an abandoned asylum (which is basically just a really old house as there are no cells in the so-called "asylum"). And they decide to play a game of "hide the undies" from each other. The kills are totally unoriginal and stupid. Many sex scenes, which I would normally consider good, but are just stupid and pointless here.

To be brutally honest, I can't even remember what Corbin Bernsen and Dee Wallace Stone had to do with the film, I kept on losing interest. I even started dusting the TV screen when it wasn't dusty. That should tell you how terrible this film is. If you haven't seen this, please don't. It may be dangerous to your health. The bottom line: "Bring this film to the garage and smash as many times as you can with a sledge hammer". KILLER INSTINCT gets 1/2* out of 5.

There are actually some good ideas buried in here, ideas that, if focused on and properly executed might have resulted in a fairly interesting movie. But as it is, this is a really bad movie. Among other complaints:

(1) The tired and offensive stereotype of the token black member of the group being the first victim

(2) Repulsive protagonists, who come off as utter jerks. Not just jerks, but stupid jerks, making mistakes like wandering off alone, etc.

(3) A cheap and shoddy look. Now I know this was a low budget direct-to-video movie, but that's no excuse - I've seen other low budget direct-to-video movies that managed to look very slick

(4) No scares, no suspense, not even good splatter

(5) Two separate storylines that really don't fit together well.

By the way, despite what's pictured on the front and the back of the video and DVD box, there are NO skeletons to be found anywhere in the movie!