Campfire Stories

Upon going to the local video store with a 2-for-1 rental deal, I decided to rent Campfire Stories as my free one. Well, I probably should have known what I was in for when I saw "Starring Jamie-Lynn Sigler of the Sopranos!" as its publicity.

Basically, two guys on their way to a bangin' woods party get a flat tire and pick up a random hot girl on the way. They go into the woods, and hear three cute sweet tales told by an over-sized boy scout. The first story is one of revenge--four football players are killed by a criminally insane janitor who escaped from a mental institution that conducted "pain threshold" experiments. Yeah. Death by croquet mallet--nothing is better.

Honestly, I didn't really watch the second story. The third story has a bit of a twist--two girls decide to get even with their boyfriend at one girl's crazy-dead-grandmother's house. Chaos and death ensues! The ending that ties it all together is 'eh' at best.

I did not expect much. I really didn't. I love campy humor, but even this tried me. I would recommend this movie for twelve-year-old slumber parties and/or bad horror movie marathons.

then this one is definitely for you. Just don't expect to be frightened or wake up screaming in the middle of the night. And don't expect anything extraordinary. This film wasn't meant to be any of those things. It sticks to the classic "B" horror movie genre with it's cheesy classic monster movie special effects and over acting to make it seem scary. It plays more like an hour and a half long episode of Tales From the Crypt. But is amusing in its own fashion. I thoroughly enjoyed sitting back, relaxing, and just letting this movie be exactly what it is: a corny "B" style horror movie made because they had the budget to make it. And as long as you enjoy movies like Killer Klowns from Outer Space, you can probably appreciate this movie as well. But if you are expecting an edge of your seat thriller, that makes you think, sends chills up your spine, and is guaranteed to give you nightmares, then look elsewhere.

Movies like CREEPSHOW 2 were just not good movies, but at least they were fun gore fests. Well, CAMPFIRE STORIES is a much better version of it. I love low-budget horror films, and I truly think that some of the lower budget horror films are actually some of the creepier ones, this film was not that bad in my opinion.

There were not very many authentic scares and that acting was nothing to brag about, but the acting was believable enough. It is far better than some of the other crap films I have seen (BLOODY MURDER for example). There are not much usages of special effects or much blood or gore for that matter, and I think that is one of the things that adds to the creepiness of this film.

The "Ranger Bill" character was pretty laughable, but otherwise I thought CAMPFIRE STORIES was decent enough. Not the typical story of serial killer slaughters people, people get naked, people get killed, etc. This film was different. Very low-budget, but good to watch one a dark night when you're all alone. Recommendations include CREEPSHOW 2, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and BLOODY MURDER. Give this film a try when you have nothing better to do.....4/5.

A much better title for this low-rent Creepshow wannabe would have been Bedtime Stories because it's far more likely to send the viewer off to sleep than to scare them. With three incredibly mundane tales, directed with little flair or skill by Bob Cea, Andrzej Krakowski, and Jeff Mazzola (yes, it really took three people to direct this mess), the film belongs to the lowest echelon of horror anthologies, on a par with garbage like Creepshow III.

The wraparound narrative sees a pair of guys, on the lookout for a party in the middle of nowhere, blowing a tyre after almost running down hot babe in distress Natalie (Jamie-Lynn Sigler), who has also been experiencing car trouble. Wandering into the woods in search of help, the trio meet a creepy park ranger (David Johansen), who claims to have arranged a tow truck for the trio; while they wait for it to arrive, the ranger tells some (supposedly) scary stories around his campfire...

Story one has some jocks tormenting their school janitor, unaware that he is actually an escapee from the state facility for the criminally insane; story two features a gang of thugs who kill an native American Indian, smoke his hallucinogenic weed, experience some truly dreadful CGI creatures, and finally get their comeuppance when the Indian returns to suck out their youth; in story three, two girls plan a special evening of sexy fun and games to payback their boyfriends for their bad behaviour, but things go awry when a killer interrupts their party.

Having already suffered three of the park ranger's mind-numbingly feeble tales of terror, the teens decide to make a run for it, lest there be a fourth; they make it to a strange night-club (where horror punk band The Misfits just happened to be playing a gig), but realise too late that they've made a big mistake.... as I did when I bought this dreck.

My story: I was in the video store, trying desperately to find something to rent, so I could just get home and end what was probably a miserable day. (It's been a long week. Don't ask.) As I've found myself so many times before, I was standing in front of the "horror" section. I thought it might be fun to rent a bad scary movie to laugh at.

Now see, the trick to renting a "good" bad scary movie is in finding one that's just good enough to almost justify watching. There is nothing better than finding a horror movie that walks that thin line between being at least redeemingly scary and laughably stupid. I repeat: nothing better. Not fresh baked brownies. Not sex. Not puppy breath. Nothing.

Problem with this film is my review thus far is just as frightening as the entire movie. It wasn't even good enough for me to waste my time laughing at. I saw better acting at my brother's second grade Christmas pageant. The special effects were comparable to sock puppets. And there were plot holes big enough to throw Ranger Bill's big stupid hat through. It's like the writers thought up the twists at the end and convinced themselves they didn't need to go along with the actual stories themselves. It's the film equivalent of someone tearing out the last few pages of The Grapes of Wrath and writing in "Rosasharn kills them all" in crayon on the back cover. I fell asleep for the beginning of the third story and didn't even bother rewinding it, because by that time I'd learned that seeing the whole thing still wouldn't make it make any more sense.

If you're looking for a glorious trainwreck of a movie . . . this one is not for you. However, if you're looking for a movie that drags itself along like a half-dead chipmunk, searching hopelessly for even a modicum of redemption before finally fading into a painful death that couldn't have come soon enough, maybe you should check it out.

If not, give it to someone you hate to kill them a little inside.