Le jardin de la terreur

Lookin' for a little mean-spirited 70's Hixploitation? Same here. How about a little mean-spirited 70's Hixploitation which features only the most unlikeable of characters, along with about 0% comic-relief? Well, here it is. The most useful thing Harry Kerwin ever did. Welcome to God's Bloody Acre. Harry Kerwin and his equally useful brother, William (Thomas Wood) have had a hand in the making of everything from Two Thousand Maniacs, to Flesh Feast, to Sometimes Aunt Martha Does Dreamdul Things. The brothers Kerwin are the heart & soul of old school Florida Exploitation. God's Bloody Acre is about three mountain men, or hicks, or whatever the hell. The point is, they're brothers, and they've been livin' out in "God knows where" (the woods) for God knows how long. Livin' in a tee pee, livin' off the land. avoiding any and all human contact. And they're content doing so. All of this is about to change. The brothers are all ornery because a construction company has begun tearing apart their yard, to make way for a camping site. No reason to get mad enough to kill. I mean, it's not like they're gonna be building a mall. But too late. The more enthusiastic one figures now would be a good time to start killing construction workers. Meanwhile, we got a couple other stories that keep popping up. Neither of which are as entertaining, or likable. God's Bloody Acre is a racist, sexist, dysfunctional little gem of a movie, and I'm proud it's a part of my collection. Yet, I'm not surprised it took until 2010 for this one to get the official DVD treatment. But what I didn't expect was for every copy of this film to be recalled shortly after it was released. I have no idea. I'll be honest. There ain't a whole lot to love about this one, but it ain't all that bad, especially if you're not hard to please. And if you're looking for one of the last glimpses of vintage Florida Exploitation, have at it, hoss. 7/10

Incredibly weak exploitation effort that fails on almost every level. Start with some of the most amateurish acting. Add some editing that looks like it was put through a blender, including ridiculous flashbacks .Next be sure the songs are of no interest. Finally make the last third of the movie so dark that it is impossible to tell what's going on. Even if all of the above complaints were forgivable, you are still left with a third grade level screenplay, very little violence, and hardly any nudity, all of which adds up to a very boring film. Seek out the far superior "Hunter's Blood" or "Trapped" if you are into hunted in the woods type movies. - MERK

Three redneck brothers get ticked off when a work crew starts clearing trees near the patch of land they call home. Through an accident they end up killing one of the crew and get real paranoid (the crew boss doesn't seem to mind so much). This is bad news for the two couples (one old, one young) who have both found their way to this neck of the woods. Pretty good regional (Florida) hicksploitation flick that seems to be throwing in some social commentary as well. Lead Wayne Crawford (who also produced and help write) plays a passive guy who quits his job designing machines of war who suddenly finds himself in a situation where he has to defend himself. Not too subtle, but it works. It definitely has some pacing issues though as it seemed to take forever for all the leads to finally meet up. The big brother redneck looked so familiar but I couldn't place him. Looked him up afterward and it is William Kerwin from BLOOD FEAST! Totally didn't recognize him because he wasn't in a suit with his hair slicked back.

A trio of separatist hillbillies devise a plan to halt the development of a campsite in their deep-woods homestead. What begins as a harmless scheme to scare "the city folks" away quickly turns deadly.

There's little question that GOD'S BLOODY ACRE is a product of loose-change funding and a three-day-weekend shooting schedule. Despite the transparencies of an indifferently overseen production, however, there's good potential for shameful gratification in this frowzy little regional exploitation quickie. The first half hour is a plodding bore, but if you can get past that, the story does eventually grease the wheels and keep a steady beat(putting forward one of the most drawn-out, strangely choreographed fight scenes I've ever witnessed).

This is a lazy concoction from folks who have done far better work(see: SOMETIMES AUNT MARTHA DOES DREADFUL THINGS), but it does have a certain something...just not a whole lot of it.

5/10

This Floridian "hicksploitation" flick doesn't have a hell of a lot going for it, but does prove to be genuinely amusing at times. It begins with three brothers, Monroe (William Kerwin of "Blood Feast" and "Two Thousand Maniacs!"), Ezra (Daniel Schweitzer), and Benny (Sam Moree), who are fiercely dedicated to Mother Nature. So much so that when construction workers begin clearing their forest in order to start creating a park, they see red. After an altercation with one of the workers, the poor schmuck is chopped in half with his own bulldozer blade. And the brothers feel that now that they've killed someone, there ain't no turning back. Soon they're intent on wiping out the two couples that have had the audacity to enter their domain. Now, the star, and co-writer of both the story and the screenplay, Wayne Crawford, has the biggest character arc, playing the young man grown disillusioned by working for a weapons manufacturer (he's a pacifist) who's gonna have to find some sort of fighting instinct inside of him. But the best actor in the thing is definitely Kerwin, whose character is more likable than anyone else here, and certainly the least abrasive. Most everybody else is flat out annoying, although Benny is such a hoot the way that he rocks that enormous white man's Afro. Director / co-writer Harry Kerwin (William's brother, who also directed William and Wayne in the eco-conscious conspiracy thriller "Barracuda") includes enough sleazy elements to try to maintain the interest of drive-in movie fans, particularly sex, bare skin, and rape. The main problem here is that the movie is rough going for a while, setting up characters but taking too long to get them where they're going. Some of those tunes are catchy, but after a while the music gets to be a bit much. Only in the last 20 minutes or so do things get more interesting, with the backwoods brothers determined to eliminate the city folk. An interesting, crude 'n' cheap, yet oddly entertaining little flick, "God's Bloody Acre" is no classic of its particular sub genre, but fans of this sort of thing may still want to check it out. Six out of 10.