Rangers

Hilarious. Priceless. Terrible. These are three of the many single words that I would use to illustrate "Rangers", one of those action pictures that seem to run on cable at around 10 at night. One of those films where it looks like many of the action scenes were shot in the director's backyard and several scenes look like stock footage. After a title sequence that looks wonderfully 80's, we're launched into the story itself A group of commandos is sent to bring back a terrorist from an unnamed country, but find out that the group knows they're on the way. After a few remaining members barely make it out, they find out that they'd been set-up, or something like that. One of their rangers they thought they'd left behind is actually working for the bad guys and suddenly comes back looking for revenge. Every other line is some other variation on, "you have no idea what I've been through!" or "the mission! We must not forget the mission!". Every action-movie cliche is spoken at some point throughout the film - but what makes it occasionally unintentionally hilarious is the straight-faced, wooden acting that attempts to take every single like incredibly serious. Ok, so there are occasionally some decent production values (a few respectable explosions), but as with all of these low-budget action films, the script seems to have been made up along the way. Obviously, these films don't cost a great deal and can end up being bought for cable or home video release (as Fox has done with this film and the equally terrible monster picture "Python"). The storyline almost doesn't even matter in a film like this one (nor do a few continuity errors) - the movie simply attempts several old-school, low-budget action sequences (according to the commentary, apparently some bits of the final action sequences are new, but many are actually cut in from a different, old action movie altogether). Corbin Bernsen receives top billing for, according to the commentary, three hours of work. The director and the main actor discuss their work on the film's commentary track and thankfully seem fully aware what they've created.

I thought this movie would be cool like those US Seals and Delta Force movies that keeping coming out. I really like low budget features; it shows how hard the film makers have to work to get a decent project out. But this Rangers piece of junk is just an insult to every 80's action film fan out there. Even my wife recognized the stock footage from Delta Force in the first ten minutes. They stole significant fight footage from Delta Force, Navy Seals, Invasion USA many times over, and the bus scene was obviously from Red Heat. How could film makers put this out? So sad. Why do I have to watch a Chuck Norris movie without Chuck Norris, but instead starring that dorky guy from Seinfeld that was pretending to sell computers out of the garage of George Costanzas father? Why?

What I learned from Rangers:

1-There are a lot of token black guys 2-Briefings to super-elite Ranger units are done minutes before being deployed on a mission while flying miles above earth in a plane. 3-It goes from sunrise to midnight in about 5 minutes. 4-Charlie Sheen does many non-mentioned and short cameos in this B-rated film. 5-Where'd the SCUBA gear come from? 6-After falling and then deploying their parachutes, miles from shore they know exactly where to find a cache of deflated boats. 7-Rangers can change laced army boots to swimming flippers in a matter of seconds, while falling at terminal velocity. 8-AK-47 weapons that the Rangers possess, magically can change to MP5 submachine guns. 9-You SHOULD look at the camera. 10-After firing a bazooka round and blowing up part of a building and creating lots of smoke, no fire alarms nor sprinkler systems go on. 11-When boarding a helicopter, the shape of the call numbers change. 12-The Rangers can instantly transport themselves into different positions, like on the helicopter. 13-Your are supposed to blink A LOT when shooting an automatic weapon. 14-You don't bleed when you are shot, not until at least many hours after the fact. 15-Military hair regulations are not in effect for women officers. 16-In terrorist land Brandy and Whisky are the same thing, and when they are poured, bubbles appear. 17-Elite military soldiers live off base, in big houses with wives. 18-Alex can commute back and forth from Florida to DC in a matter of seconds with his friend, many times a day. 19-Elite soldier's marksmanship is terrible at short range. 20-Pistol clips hold about 30 rounds. 21-Grenades, when thrown get to their target very fast then blow up. 22-You can be promoted to Sergeant to Lieutenant in a matter of days.

Matt McCoy stars as Scott,a Navy Seal who is the target of wrath of Shannon (Glenn Plummer) who thinks Scott sold him out, he didn't but that doesn't stop Shannon from abducting Scott's wife, or blowing up various figures in the pentagon, once again absurd plot twists come up and the flick rips off many action sequences to give it a more explosive look in this terrible yet funny movie. Where do I even start with this one? Well for one the whole commentary in which Wynorski keeps referring to the footage stolen as Delta Force 2, but it's actually Delta Force 1! Other such action sequences are from Red Heat,Invasion USA and Navy Seals. Rangers is utterly absurd with acting so wooden, action sequences so obviously lifted and plot angles so over the top ridiculous that you cannot believe they are serious. For instance the guy (footage necessary from Invasion USA) blows up his friend's house, not even knowing that his friend wasn't in on it? Or how the government don't do anything to stop this guy after he blew up the pentagon, jeez how dense are these guys? It gets even funnier if you pretend that McCoy is playing his Police Academy or Seinfeld character. However let me just conclude this is as hilarious as terrible movies get.

1/2* Out of 4-(Awful)

I thought when i first saw this movie that it would be really good, but what a let down. During the scenes in which they go to syria, its pretty obvious that they scammed the footage from the movie NAVY SEALS movie starring Charlie Sheen. I feel this movie is a complete waste of time that completely ruins the footage taken from navy seals. Don't watch this movie unless you want a real let downer.