Rollergator

No seriously people literally spent time out of their lives doing this.

I can't, nay, I won't write anything more. The title of my review says all I want to say.

How did anyone, anywhere on this entire planet find this piece of unfunny, badly directed, terribly acted - and I won't even mention the Gator Unspecial Effect, think this needed to be made? Just terrible from beginning to end! And when I read the "Directors" credits, he also did The Rollerblade Seven (which I ridiculously rented from a Mom and Pop years ago, and have regretted it ever since!). From the 'talking' Gators horribly annoying voice, to the non-emoting of PJ (who has only two credits on IMDb) to the rest of the non-able to act cast, this is just one horrible film. The absolute ONLY way to watch this: Rifftrax, which at least makes it funny.

There are some films made that are must see cinema, from fabulous storytelling, through superb acting, talented direction, to stunning cinematography. Sadly Rollergator isn't on of them, if there was ever a film made not to be seen than Rollergator meets all the criteria and more. it's appalling. Words almost fail me, there are no redeeming features whatsoever in the film, there are some parts that beggar belief, from the alligator himself through to a painfully lame martial arts display. Oh yes, I forgot the soundtrack, endless strumming away bu someone undoubtedly a friend of the film makers who did it as a favour in return for a credit listing, what a dreadful racket. I was almost reduced to tears begging this film to end. By comparison Hobgoblins is the work of a master, and that was what I would have said previously the worst film I'd ever had the misfortune to see. It's hard to forget this film, I will remember when and where I was when I saw it, it is etched into my consciousness and not in a good way. If you like really bad films then this is one for you, but be warned, this film is worse than you imagine it could be no matter how many reviews you read, how awful the comments here are about it, and how based on your previous film history you think ti could be, it's worse than that! No amount of alcohol or other substances is going to improve it either.

I have only looked at the recent short from Rifftrax and, from what I saw, to give this zero-budget 'thing' any stars should be a crime; since IMDb requires a minimum of 1, that's all it could 'possibly' get.

Everyone involved with "Rollergator" must have known they were making the equivalent of 'cinematic fecal matter'. Cheap and amateurish in every imaginable aspect of film-making, this pile of celluloid dung's only two redeeming qualities were the presence of the self-loathing (I suspect) Joe Estevez who may have thought:'I know full-well what I'm getting into, but don't care because I'm expected to be in intentionally-crappy films. How awful can I be in this one?') and the not-so-bad-looking blonde actress, Sandra Shuker, although her thespian skills border on non-existent. That's really it, folks. It's that bad.

The talking (!) baby alligator puppet would have even been improved by merely sewing eyes on a sock...you'd get the same effect, really. I guess it's all an intentional joke because it looks so obviously-fake. Anyone who's heard of 'Ed the Sock' has seen this before and just as believably; only Ed's perpetual cigar was missing.

Saying, 'This is the worst (fill in the blank) I've ever seen, etc.' is asking for it. Something even more horrifically-cheap and stupid may actually be possible...a shuddering thought, considering what I saw of this thing.