Honest

I remember getting my mum to record this onto VHS for me way back when (I was about 20 and like many others thought the Appletons and Blatt were fit) so looked forwards to seeing a feature-length excuse to see the girls trying their hand at acting.

Obvs there's nudity in it. That's literally the first thing anyone knew about this film. What becomes apparent very quickly however is that this film absolutely sucks.

I think I ffwded through the VHS to find the nudity, but don't ever remember actually seeing it because in reality those bits are just two blink-and-you'll-miss-it glimpses of boob. I didn't actually watch the film.

Here in 2023 I discovered the film is available to stream via a site in the states (an English film about London you can't actually watch in the U. K. unless you're silly enough to waste money buying or renting it, lol)

Watching it I wished I'd still got a ffwd button. I persevered though, but the whole thing is absolute s***e. Really unenjoyably low-rate. St Trinians is probably better than this.

Still haven't finished it but I will force myself to. It will be good to know I never have to watch this again. Absolutely awful.

This was I film I saw by accident, the film I meant to watch being sold out. As a result I had no preconceptions about it, no prejudice about the leading actresses, which in this case was probably a good thing. The acting of the three pop stars playing the three criminal sisters, Robin Hoods except that they themselves are the poor they give to, is not all that bad, and probably is scrutinized harder than usual because you know they are not really trained actors. The character of Gerry in particular is well played, despite the occasional false note in the cockney accent. They get themselves into trouble with drug dealers and local gangland bosses and drag in an innocent American who falls for Gerry after she assaults him with a life size roughly female and half nude work of art. There are comic moments to keep the film going when the action is thin on the ground, note the rich aristocratic heir who fills his time putting out a 60s subversive magazine. The portrayal of 1960s London and the contrast between those caught in their hippie revolution and those in the East End whose lives seem little changed since the 1940s feels reasonably authentic and is one of the pleasures of the film. One scene of a drug effected festival can give an edge of vertigo. The film touches on a lot of issues through its characters, rich versus poor, traditional versus modern, female equality, but does not explore any of them in any depth. While this may annoy some, I believe many would argue that this is not the point of the film. Overall, do not expect a classic or a memorable impression on your life, but if you are open minded and let yourself simply be entertained then you could well have an enjoyable time watching this.

To give you an idea of how utterly dull and lifeless this movie is, I will tell you now that the last word of this review is going to be the film title used in a humorous and non too obvious fashion. OK?

So, to the film. Some films do exist that make Brian De Palma's Mission to Mars look like a masterpiece....... I have yet to see one yet and this doesn't even come close. Even though it is awful. And by awful I mean dull, lifeless, cricket, dire, boring. Dave Stewart, as the guitarist and co songwriter has had to put up with Annie Lennox for a good 2 decades so lets not be too hard on him, the film does have its moments. They cost 90p each on a £3.60 ticket. (Or about $1.25 in America on a $5 ticket.) Yes, two of the girls appear topless in the film and while this is no bad thing, I can't see them being given another movie anytime soon.

Mel Blatt is good in the film. She appears natural to this business we call SHOW. Nicole also has her moments (90p remember). Natalie however, the eldest of the two sisters isn't that great in the film. In fact, I'm being kind. A blind monkey with a badger strapped round it's head could have pulled a better performance. Reminiscent of an early Turtletaub or a late Howard.

Unfortunately, the casting is where the movie fails. While 66% of the All Saints are good in this film, 33% aren't. A better idea would have been to cast 3 of the S Club 7 girls in it (Tina obviously getting the boot). Because S Club 7 exist in farce, their cheeky smiles and mischievous ways would have blended perfectly with the Honest backdrop of Cockney England.

Anyway, in conclusion, I can't really recommend this film enough. 90p a nip is a bargain in today's climate. I just feel that S Club 7 would have made a far superior film to the one that we were given. Honest.

Now I'd be the first to admit that I haven't seen this pop star vanity project for a while, but as they say: Bad memories cut deep and I find it virtually impossible to come up with answers to these questions a) Who would want to pay money for a production with a script as patently rubbish as this and b) If this is the first film where the starting point was.. Nicole Appleton's breasts. When is someone going to pluck up the courage to tell these singing prima-donnas that to star in a movie you need ACTING LESSONS. Britney and Mariah, I hope you're listening too(And who can forget From Justin to Kelly....Urgh). These poor deluded creatures should keep their Hollywood dreams at bay and concentrate on their singing careers (Though admittedly, some of them aren't even too hot at that). Anyway back to the film: Well it's rubbish if you haven't got the message by now, squeezing every British crime movie cliche out into the open and still making a pigs ear of it. Oh Lock Stock, what have you brought upon us?! Plus the movie is full of time-line mistakes considering it's meant to be set in the 60's (check out the goofs section) and it also wastes a fantastic British supporting cast. It all adds up to a huge waste of celluloid, an experience that the All-Saints ( Now embarking on their career as solo artists) would no doubt rather forget and (hopefully) a message that rings loud and clear to all singers thinking of venturing outside their area of expertise.. Don't do it guys!!

I admit I have seen this film and I hang my head in shame! I first heard about this film while in college and the damning from critics it was getting. As the eternal optimist I thought it couldn't be as bad as all that so I rented it from amazon. It wasn't as bad as all that...it was worse! The last pop star to make any decent movies was Elvis Presley, Madonna doesn't count as what she does isn't acting; I dunno what it is but it is definitely not acting. The All Saints girls are brilliant musicians but rubbish actors. It's billed as a comedy but it isn't even funny! Had it had a better script (I could do better) and possibly a better story All Saints might made it big in the movie industry as well as the music one. This movie is worse than Showgirls (thats something coming from me!) Don't rent/buy it!