Prehistoric Bimbos in Armageddon City

Hey man, Todd Sheets has made a bunch of movies. All are shot on video, poorly acted etc., but the fact is, he did 'em. This flick gets 90 mins of playtime, and I'm probably the only person on Earth who likes it. I LOVE the Todd Sheets' metal band written and performed theme song...I LOVE the mutant bug costumes, and the evil claw guy's outfit....I LOVE the weird fat lady in tin foil being zapped, I LOVE the perfectly juxtaposed classical music...I LOVE the bike vs. scooter chase/fight scene....and I LOVE the dude who says he'll watch the robots, and then promptly puts a newspaper over his head, and falls asleep while the music crescendos(look it up). BEST. SCENE. EVER.

Oh heck, all ya friggin' moronoviches will hate this flick. But you're never gonna be able to see it anyway. This ain't in print and it won't be anytime soon. For now it sits proudly in my movie collection in between Carl J. Suckenic's Alien Beasts and J.R. Bookwalter's The Dead Next Door.

Look, this was amongst the Decrepit Crypt of Nightmare collection. It has the occasional gems, but the appeal was it is (mostly) made of these home-video level films you can never know about otherwise.

So the director shouting "Action!" it nothing. The main crew fluctuating for no reason between 3 to 5 can be overlooked. That these are a bunch of coseplayers is expected. So it's not like I'm not playing fair game.

But I had zero idea what is going on! I don't know if this is for the lack of audible audio - and believe me, I pushed the volume to the max on the computer, the video player and the earphone just for the fun of it -, or truly there was nothing to be understood. A subtitles-file would solve this problem, but there never was one.

PS: given this was made by some highschoolers, I wouldn't even count on nudity.

Want to know if someone shares your sense of humor? Show them this movie. My friends from high school used to having regular showings of this movie to introduce new people to the group. It became a dangerous drinking game in college. 10 out of 10.

It sucks, it sucks, it sucks: if you ever are unfortunate enough to endure this piece of crap, that's what you'll be saying, too. To quote Jason Hardy, "Don't ever rent this movie, even as a joke, or the joke will be on you. It sucked."

I'm not real sure just how to review this movie, so I'll just do this ... List of whats wrong: Plot, character development, lighting, acting, dialog, props, special effects, photography, continuity, humor, costumes, make up, choreography, fight scenes, and pretty much anything else that comes to mind. List of whats right: A couple of the bimbos are cute. List of what works, at least part of the time, via accident: The music is, at times, really funny as background. List of what doesn't work any of the time: The attempts at humor. List of any saving grace: Its funny when they're NOT trying to be funny. Which is the only reason I rate it as highly as I do. It was so ludicrous I laughed. Often. Thats worth something. Last, but not least ... List of what would've helped: Nudity. Hey, it couldn't hurt.