2020 Texas Gladiators

My review was written in November 1985 after watching the film on Media Home Entertainment video cassette.

"2020 Texas Gladiators" is an incomprehensible action pic, made during the 1982-83 boom in Italian takeoffs on "Mad Max" and similar films. New Line Cinema mulled a theatrical release last year (under new title "Sudden Death") for this item from Helen Sarlui's Continental Motion Pictures banner, but instead it is going direct to home video by MHE release.

Absent any Texas location establishing footage, this made-in-Rome property opens with a telltale scene of post-nuclear war marauders attacking a priest and nuns. A group of "rangers" (our heroes) defeat the baddies, but one ranger Catch Dog (Daniel Stephen) tries to rape heroine Maida (Sabrina Siani) and is banished from their group by nominal leader Nisus (Al Cliver).

Without any exposition, next sequence is apparently several years later, with Nisus working at a petroleum refinery and Maida taking care of a cute little girl (revealed to be her daughter several reels later). Catch Dog shows up leading a bunch of marauders on 250-cc. Motorcycles, riot police arrive in a battletruck and are protected by bullet-repelling thermal shields, and a Nazi-styled leader named Black One (Donal O'Brien) tries to set up a new order.

Though action sequences are directed adequately, film totally lacks connective tissue and makes no sense whatsoever. Only laughs are provided by guys dressed up like cowboys, wielding whips presumably left over from the 1960s pasta oaters craze, and very fake Indians riding to the rescue. In a shaggy dog joke, Catch Dog carries around a weird-looking, multi-barreled prop gun, which he finally tries to shoot in the final reel -it doesn't work, so he tosses it away in disgust unfired.

Multinational cast is okay, with ubiquitous leading lady Sabrina Siani styled to resemble Daryl Hannah this time out.

Yes you heard right! One UPS Delivery Truck ...full of neo Nazis led by the "black one" (or as I like to call him "the bald one").

After an "atomic war" was shattered civilization, rouge gangs of bikers, green mutants and one brown UPS Delivery truck full of neo Nazis aim to take over the world... well not exactly the world, just the state of Texas. It is a good thing Dubya hasn't seen this movie, or he might declare war on the UPS corporation for harboring neo Nazis terrorists in their delivery vans! This movie is simply unimaginable! How any of the actors kept a straight face during filming is beyond me! Most everything in the previous comments about this movie's plot is accurate and there isn't much I can add. The plot, if there is one, is void of anything - other than the countless rape scenes (that left me sick to my stomach), a lot of cheesy gun battles and the "black one's" sinister laugh is to die for! Even more funny is how the lowly Texians are trapped in their makeshift fort fending off a highly trained army...kinda reminded me of the Alamo Battle! And don't forget the brilliant portray of the American Indian, priceless ...or maybe not.

What is even more ironic about this movie is how violent it is! When I was 13 years old - I rented this movie! Yes - I walked into a video store and rented the movie with no questions asked! I recently obtained a copy of the movie off Ebay.com - simply to add to my collection of Cold War/End of the World movies.

I rate this movie a 5 out of 10 ...only because the UPS Delivery like truck full of neo Nazis and the "black one's" sinister laugh will have you laughing your butt off until doomsday does us all in!

The first 10 minutes takes place over at least 5 years, but you wouldn't know that if you weren't paying attention. Which you don't really need to do, because this plot is all over the place. And by all over the place, I mean everywhere but in this movie.

If you are a fan of Italian post-apocalypse movies, this will be familiar. It's not a good as most of them; the stunts are okay, the vehicles are pretty tame, the action is mediocre, and the typical nudity is sub-par. Other than that, it's a good movie to have on while doing something else. No scene stands out, the acting is what you'd expect, and the soundtrack is forgettable.

But you still need to watch it if you're a fan on the genre.

Joe D'Amato, mostly known for his sleazy and downright nauseating horror flicks like "Buried Alive", "Anthropophagus" and "Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals", joins his contemporary Italian colleagues in making over- the-top cheesy and ridiculous post-nuclear Science Fiction movies! The trend started elsewhere, mostly with the Australian "Mad Max" and John Carpenter's "Escape from New York", but the Italians exploited the success of these films shamelessly and endlessly! Lucio Fulci had "The New Gladiators", Sergio Martino had "After the Fall of New York", Ruggero Deodato had "Atlantis Interceptors", Enzo G. Castellari had "The Bronx Warriors" and our good pal Joe D'Amato has both "Endgame" and this "2020 – The Texas Gladiators". It's a deliciously cheesy hodgepodge of semi-processed ideas and blatantly stolen sequences from other movies, and if you're a fan of this sort of trash, you're guaranteed to love it in spite of all the awfulness.

The movie starts, as to be expected, as a bunch of chaos! Texas is entirely destroyed by nuclear warfare and hoodlum gangs randomly run amok in the streets. Luckily there's a quintet of courageous beefcake warriors parading around to protect the weaklings. During a fight in a monastery (there's a nun who cuts her own throat … TWICE!), one of them is banished for trying to rape a girl and another one leaves voluntary to marry and live in a community that tries to rebuild civilization. The evil Nazi-inspired Black One violently invades this community, however, and makes a widow out of the warrior's wife. The tree remaining buddies pick up the girl in a sleazy bar and decide to help her in defeating Black One and his evil lieutenant, who's also an old acquaintance of them. Mind you, this is just a very brief and shortened plot description. There's a whole lot more going on in "2020 – Texas Gladiators". Too much to mention, actually, as there are authentic traditional Indians, enslaved mine workers, Russian roulette sequences that are stolen straight from "The Deer Hunter", Nazis with amours of steel and one tremendously cool Asian fighting expert!

Unless, of course, you have no idea what the early 80's Italian rip- off/exploitation business is all about, you simply cannot dislike "2020 – Texas Gladiators". Whilst slightly less outrageous and entertaining as "Endgame", this is another over-the-top flamboyant smörgåsbord of sleaze and violence. Donald O'Brien is fantastically stereotypical, in a totally deliberate fashion, and the battle sequences are hysterical. Imagine: hi-tech weapons can't perpetrate through the armor of the Nazi soldiers, but old-fashioned Indians with their primitive arrows and spears wipe them out in a matter of seconds! D'Amato's film is full of similar nonsense like this, and more. A real treat for demented exploitation dorks, like myself.

In a world where government has deteriorated...laws are unbinding...and cruel savages rule the wastelands, comes a new heroic breed... The "Rangers," a team comprising of disciplined, dedicated, and laconic mercenaries are on a mission...to exterminate the evils that roam in the post-nuclear world. Led by "Nisus" (Al Cliver), the roster includes "Halakron," (Peter Hooten), "Catch Dog," (Daniel Stephen), and "Red Wolfe" (Al Yamanouchi). When the going gets tough...these guys slice it up!

The future is forsaken...all hope is lost and innocent lives are in despair. The asperity of the aftermath of World War III (or the *Atomic War*) has taken its toll on the human population... However, the remnants of the surviving human race must learn to rebuild their civilization and live in harmony...but too many obstacles and detours stand in their way...

However, an onerous dictatorship led by the Black One (Donald O'Brien) has seized control of everything: nuclear weapons, various resources, and especially human lives to utilize as slave labor. It is now up to the Rangers to help assist the wonderfully sexy Maida (Sabrina Siani) to discomfit the Black One's plans for rebuilding a tyrannical society... A rebellion must be instigated in order to revolt the New World Order or whatever...

2020 TEXAS GLADIATORS (the original title is ANNO 2020 - I GLADIATORI DEL FUTURO) is one of those movies that never ceases to amuse me! The melodramatic moments are sometimes sickening yet I enjoyed the perfunctory thrills and dramatic scenes which both serve to keep genre fans satiated. Directed by none other than the late, notorious Joe D'Amato (whose real name happens to be Aristide Massaccesi, but in this production, he also goes by the pseudonym Kevin Mancuso), 2020 TEXAS GLADIATORS is highly derivative. Virtually ideas and motifs from every other film in this particular sci-fi genre are stolen, cut-and-pasted into this drivel. Unfortunately, 2020 TEXAS GLADIATORS lacks the poignancy, the strength, intelligence, and imagination of a well-established motion picture.

With those statements said, I had a hell of a fun time watching this film. The nonstop action keeps this film moving at a steady, energetic pattern. The enlightening, dead heat violence is rampant and overwhelmingly overweening. Worthwhile highlights to watch include the Russian Roulette scene, the evil laugh courtesy of O'Brien himself, the village under siege, the prison break, the motorcycle chases, and of course, the beautiful foxy ladies. Enjoy rooting for the heroes as they raise hell and wreck havoc by the film's climax with a little assistance from a few Native Americans. Do not forget to pay attention to Donald O'Brien's performance of a lifetime as a neo-Nazi sadist with a penchant for torture and wealth. This character, played by O'Brien is perhaps one of the funniest fictional villains ever devised. He gets away too furtively with a way over-the-top role ever since his portrayal as a mind-bending, homicidal doctor in DOCTOR BUTCHER, M.D. (1979).

A special panegyric acclamation goes to Sabrina Siani. She is certainly one lascivious actress who knows how to make your pulse beat faster! Siani is definitely a magnificent Italian beauty whose elegance, personality, and the luscious facade help make viewing this movie a bit more bearable. Her presence alone makes this film worth seeing...

Just a tidbit, the title is once again a misnomer! Here's a pondering, perplexing, and ambiguous question: What does this film have to do with "Texas Gladiators?"

In spite of this film's ridiculousness, you will be mesmerized at the high voltage intensity of this spectacle. The cast is lively and prepossessing, plus this film moves at an unwontedly breathless pace. You can argue that this film is bereft of creativity, coherence, flair, and class, but what's the point of grousing about the film's foibles? This film is NOT great by any means, but it is delightfully entertaining on many levels (in a purely superficial matter, of course).

If you like movies with an absence of both logic and novelty, along with a melange of faceless antagonists and heroes who are poor decision makers, then this hideously dubbed film will appeal to you. Plus, revel in some really miserable special effects, inept acting, and unintentional laughs... Pop the champagne and enjoy!

RATING: ** out of ****.