Jack, roi de la glisse

Okay, like the guy above me, I like, totally loved this movie. Why did I love it? 'Cause it was frigg'n sweet, that's why.

See, this movie is kinda like a microcosm of society. There's like, this guy, right, who gets picked on all his life for being different. The guy, in this movie, is really a monkey (JACK I LUV U). So, when society gets a guy down, they totally go nuts and join a hockey team and smash people in the face with pucks. I learned a lot from this movie because of that! The sweetest part was when Jack was hanging out outside the hockey rink, smokin' a jay. The audience is like, "what's this street-smart go-getter planning to do?" Then, this guy who threw a cup at his head while he was getting ready to nail the puck in and win the game starts to walk out of the building. Jack, sweet as ever, grabs a skateboard and chucks it at his head and says something like "I hope you still aren't 'board'!" and then he laughs for the remaining half hour of the movie.

Words cannot describe my feelings for this movie. It brings out something powerful in me... like, I dunno, the need to play video games and eat pizza just like Jack would. There are some movies that grab you, and then there are movies which pick you up and slam you against the wall about fourteen times. This is the latter. Thank you, and god bless.

Let me start out by saying I am not a big sports fan, I do not like chimps, and I'm an accountant. I am normally not into comedies. I like practical and sober commentaries on the status of social consciousness. But I tell you, when I saw MVP, I did see a tint of social commentary, however, what sold me was the heart. The heart of a young chimp trying to make his way in an unforgiving human environment, reminds me of my struggles during my first tax season. This movie will make you laugh, it will make you cry, and it will even make you think, but most importantly, it will make you laugh while you think of crying.

The most astounding part of this movie is the potential of non-taxable income on the part of MVP. Here's a chimp who has the ability to play in the NHL, thus the ability to generate a lucrative income. I've done my research, and I've found no section of the Internal Revenue Code that applies to chimpanzees, or any other animal for that matter. Meaning, MVP could reap the multi-million dollar contracts we hear so much about, and to the dismay of the IRS, not report a dime! If this chimp is smart, which I dare say he is, he should invest this income into non-taxable municipal bonds. Yeah, that'll really get those fat cats in Washington mad.

I thought the movie was adoring! Monkeys are so intelligent! I personally never liked movies with monkeys in them (e.g. Dunston Checks In, Mighty Joe Young etc.) But thanks to my baby cousin for requesting this movie, as I would have never known the amazing qualities that a monkey can have!

Jack, the monkey, is an amazing creature. It never strikes to ANYONE that it's possible for a monkey to skate on ice! Even I, myself have a little trouble sometimes!

Jamie Renee Smith is a great actor! Since she couldn't speak that well, we had to rely on her facial expressions, which were very believable.

Kevin Zegers, what can I say? Great looking actor, I must say, but I really don't think he was put to his full potential for this movie. He always seemed to look a little nervous most of the time. Otherwise, brilliant movie, and I suggest ANYONE who wants something to do, watch this movie!

First the dog plays basketball. Then football. Then soccer. Then baseball with a racoon. Now we have a monkey playing hockey, a sequel where the same monkey skateboards, and according to this web site there is a third DTV movie starring the horrible primate on the way! Am I the only person on the planet who detests animal-sport movies?! I watched this on the Disney Channel when there was nothing on, and it was so predictable I was actually telling the movie what to do. Okay old man, could you like die in the next five seconds please? Ah, thanks. Could the evil coach object to a monkey playing hockey only to be reprimanded because there's no rule against monkeys playing hockey? Wow, thanks for that. Sheesh. For some reason they decided to throw in a deaf girl plot but then they throw in another Air Bud cliche by having a smart villan and a dumb sidekick looking for the monkey so they can experiment on him. Could someone write a script please?! A really odd scene is where the 'cool' girl (if there is such a thing in the 5th grade) passes out birthday party invitations to all the kids in class. The deaf girl gets all mopey. Suddenly the cool girl starts THROWING these invitations in the air and they go everywhere, and the whole thing is in slow motion. Now, later on the film says the deaf girl wasn't invited. Well, if the cool girl was just throwing them for people to pick up, it doesn't seem like they were personalized. Also, she clearly states that 'everyone' can come. So why didn't the deaf girl just grab one and show up for the party? It's not like the cool girl can turn away a wimpering deaf kid. Anyway, here are the top five ideas for the future of animal-sport flicks:

1. A giraffe plays volleyball (and can always spike it!) 2. A polar bear is adopted by a middle school dodgeball team 3. The last remaining dodo takes up archery 4. Some wacky seals try out for a Canadian water polo league 5. A one-legged cat competes in the Olympic track event

Do I sound sarcastic? Good. MVP may not suck the big donkey, but it is not anything special by any stretch of the mind. 2/4 stars.

Fun, but took over 50 minutes for the monkey to play hockey