Watching films (and latterly videos) randomly is fun when you make an unexpected discovery, though the obvious downside is sitting through a ton of junk. The assembly-line 1987 porn video DANGEROUS WHEN WET aims very low as a typical video store shelf filler for its era, but I found it surprisingly interesting.
Title and packaging are intentionally misleading: it's not an Esther Williams movie and has nothing to do with wetness (in any suggestive manner), and star Amber Lynn turns out to be merely a guest star (with no character name) inserted in a completely extraneous scene.
Actual stars are two couples: unhappy Roger Minx (Jerry Butler) and Annie (Bionca) who get off watching hired prostitutes, the other couple: VIctor (Buck Adams) and his unnamed companion (beauteous Janette Littledove). Once a week Buck & Janette visit and perform for them, with opening scene showing two Buck orgasms in succession (second is a fakearoo), cuing applause from Jerry. Butler declares "I think we're just a couple of sexual washouts" and is forlorn over the seeming impossibility of he and Bionca ever achieving sexual satisfaction together. Second sex scene of the video shows a case of Roger's premature ejaculation with her.
We're next introduced to Leslie Winston in FLASHDANCE garb out jogging, with bike rider Bionca pursuing her and watching her masturbate in a garage that contains a handy mattress on the floor. A heated lesbian scene ensues with no dialog whatsoever, as story values always take a backseat to sexual content in these slapdash videos.
A foreshadowing is set in a brief scene of Buck & Janette discussing their desire to bed down with their customers Jerry & Bionca. The video then loses what little credibility had been built up so far by an idiotic scene of Roger sitting outside on a bench with a doctor/author friend of his named Rich (played by Mr. Buddy Love, how he earned the Mr. billing unknown to me). They would seem to be waiting for a bus but that makes no sense given the scene's setting. At any rate Amber Lynn ambles along, recognizes Rich and praises him for the helpful content of his advice book. Rich discusses Roger's "I like to watch" sexual problem, and decides to do a sexual demo for him with Amber on an opposite bench, with Roger enthusiastically joining in for an impromptu threesome. This standalone scene, which in an East Coast production would have presumably been staged with the guys waiting at a station for a commuter train, is merely an excuse to insert Amber into the proceedings, to null effect.
Next we have Buck & Janette performing again, with Buck's money shot crudely repeated via incompetent editing that attempts to "stretch" the footage. After Jerry applauds Buck announces "we got a surprise for you" , cuing Winston to enter the already crowded bedroom. She confesses her lesbian liaison with Bionca and then gives Jerry a blow-job, with no cum shot resulting (cheating the fans if not the plot line). Later, the 3 pros discuss the situation with Buck resolving that he & Bionca will soon hump their customers.
Video falls apart yet enters new territory in the next scene where Jerry's dialog keeps cracking Bionca up, and he takes umbrage, basically stepping out of character and ad libbing dismay at her laughing at him. (In a real movie there would be cuts and new takes shot, but for cheapo porn it's full speed ahead and no such thing as a flubbed line.) The fourth wall having been broken, this scene is actually funny, coming back to Earth when the duo's bickering is interrupted by the arrival of Buck & Janette. Partners are quickly traded and a 4 on a bed sex scene ensues. Giving a whole new meaning (1987 style) to Bromance, Jerry takes it as male bonding when he & Buck cum at the same time on the posteriors of their femme partners. Somehow this missed being nominated for something in the 1987/88 porn industry's annual awards.
Video ends on a plaintive note with the camera pulling away from the Minx home, as Bionca voices over: "God Roger that was great; do you think it could ever be that way for us?" A plaintive, almost haunting piano theme played throughout the video is reprised, leaving the viewer to ponder such weighty thoughts.
Obviously intended merely to fill some product line with a filler title, and perhaps lead to successful masturbation out there among the fans, DANGEROUS WHEN WET benefits from the hot bods of Winston (she never made it to porn stardom), Bionca and Littledove. Amber Lynn, like many other big-name porn stars of the Seka ilk, leaves me cold and this video is no exception.
Because of (rather than in spite of) the weak scripting and lame direction (attributed to "Adele Robbins" = erstwhile Ed Wood collaborator Joesph Robertson) permit the viewer to participate in the creation & enjoyment of something unintended. Certainly one can admire a porn "classic" (think Damiano with STORY OF JOANNA or DEVIL IN MISS JONES), but there is a special sort of pleasure in watching crud like DANGEROUS WHEN WET and making up your own movie out of its stillborn elements.
