Ying zi jun tuan

The eighties was a time when Ninjas were at their powerhouse peak in Hollywood, everything martial arts related was Ninja themed, I cant believe I am moved to write a review about a film that is admittedly so bad, but that badness makes it great!! This film openly defies any sense of logic and physics, in fact the biggest martial arts trick these guys all have is the ability to speed up the camera, or press reverse on the camera leading to many hilarious moments that would have been outtakes on any other film but here they made the grade!! What is awesome here is what is on obviously a zero budget these guys had the courage to try to make a very adventurous film, there are lots of great ideas here that if they had even a decent camera this might have really worked as a film, I cant say to anyone go out and get this because the chance of you finding this is virtually zero, but it left a mark on me and my mate Nav's memory, seeing it back in the eighties we both remembered it for ages and luckily came across a DVD of it, there must be something about it that made us remember it even 20 years later!!!

I'm a zen master, and there is various practises we employ in order to clear the mind of the everyday babble that all humans endure. One is to ask yourself "What is the sound of one ninja crapping?" and "If a ninja teleports in a forrest and no one is there to see it, does anyone give a crap?" Joseph Lai, Tomas Tang and Godfrey Ho were the undoubted masters at bringing this zen train of though to life, and here is a fine example.

When I say fine, you know what I mean. It's a mid-eighties ninja film (but NOT a cut and paste film), and it's pure, unfiltered, garbage. Therefore it's great! Set initially in New York (Hong Kong with the Stars and Stripes sellotaped to various walls!), we find ourselves meeting two cops, the Chinese John and the Af-Am Spencer, being chewed out by their boss for arresting the senator's son for attempted rape – turns out the chief would have been happier if they'd let him just get on with it. This has nothing to do with anything but the fight is pretty funny.

The plot itself involves John being framed for possessing drugs, escaping jail, and then trying to find out why anyone framed him in the first place. Obviously it's something to do with the drug trade but what you need to know is that there's five 'elemental ninjas' who have amazing powers (water, earth, air, fire, kebabs) that are rendered unamazing by the zero budget of the film. Watching a ninja surfing on a thin piece of bamboo or burrowing underneath sand is soothing to the soul.

So John's got to go up against these dudes while having flashbacks to his own ninja training, which includes a direct rip from the start of Enter the ninja. There's a few twists and turns but no one in their right mind would care about them. These films are all about the brain damaged action and the laughs! And speaking of brain damaging, there's this brilliant bit of editing where John slumps his head over just right when the film cuts to a scene where a door is kicked open, making it look like John smashed his head on a table.

Even better is the overlong sex scene (that John manages to have while the cops are looking for him) not only does this go on forever and THEN reveal that John hadn't yet taken his trousers off, but then the sexy music switches to some bizarre off kilter tune while the actress starts vibrating her arse all over the place. Genius.

There are many, many battles in this one, there's stolen musical cues (like Psycho), and the usual bad dubbing. No one makes films as stupid as this anymore.

But probably not intentionally so.

The fighting is outrageous. Well choreographed usually, but sped up ridiculously, with the occasional completely inexplicable effect shot thrown in the middle. It looked like a high school student film. But in a good way.

Oh, and the racial politics in this film will stun you. The white guy villain is hilariously over-the-top, and his dialogue (not to mention his bizarre pawing of the lead's girlfriend) will leave you scratching your head and laughing, possibly at the same time.

Still, the best part of this kung fu masterpiece was the dubbing. It all sounded like it was dubbed by one or two guys. The dubbing of the black sidekick was priceless! It completely failed to sound like the man playing the part.

Worth a watch for all the laughs. Not a great film, not even a good one, but a funny one!

I had not laughed so hard in ages, probably never as much. The movements in this movie cracked me up. The sound effects are great, the acting is hopeless, I loved it. This is definitely one of the places Quentin Tarantino came looking for the creation of Kill Bill. Not only the fighting, but there is a sex scene like no other I have ever seen in a movie, I laughed so hard. Just when you can't believe how funny it is, it gets way funnier, so much so it hurts. One of the greatest experiences of my life. Ninja movies need not be your cup of tea to enjoy this. I definitely recommend. Very satisfying, makes you forget about the troubles of the day, a real treat.

Brace yourself, for this is undoubtedly one of the very best and most entertaining ninja-fests ever made!

This movie has it all - dubbing that seems to be perpetually about 2 seconds out of sync with the characters flapping mouths, one of, if not THE most un-erotic lovemaking scene ever committed to celluloid, a ninja surfing on a piece of bamboo(!!!) a soundtrack that liberally borrows i.e steals snippets from other movie scores such as Psycho and Star Wars and some really nifty martial arts action to boot!

Simply put, if you're at all into ninja movies or for that matter B-Movies in general, then you really NEED to see this - it's a veritable classic!