The Mad Love Life of a Hot Vampire

The wife of Count Dracula narrates this amateur movie created by Las Vegas-based filmmaker Ray Dennis Steckler (credited here as Sven Christian). As she explains, "The film you are about to see took place a very short time ago." Slapstick humor punctuates the scenario, which has Dracula sending three vampire girls into Vegas night life to have sex with men and collect their "vile red blood."

Meanwhile, Dr. Van Helsing (played by a pot-bellied buffoon with a Southern twang) helps his friend Bill find the cause of his sister's mysterious death, in which her blood was drained. In the process, he and Bill (who wears a shiny gold polyester shirt) discover Dracula's hide-out.

That's the plot, but some of this movie defies rational description. In place of the film director's credit, there appears a title card that reads, "suck". After the count is killed, his spastic hunchback assistant cries and uses the vampire's cloak to blow his nose, as well as give the audience the finger. Three prolonged hardcore sex scenes interrupt what there is of a story line. One features a vampire girl who takes great pleasure in slapping her lover and pulling on his leg hairs and really hurting him, which only seems to excite him more.

Jim Parker, who plays Dracula in a wildly exaggerated, circus-barker style, constantly looks at the camera and improvises lines like, "You must immediately bend over, forward and backward....all of you, you're entire....parts....of your body ....make ....love! LOVE! Do it!" Apropos of the film's ridiculous tone, some of the actors are unable to keep straight faces.

Apparently fans of Steckler do not like this one ... maybe if I watch a few more (especially the so called better ones) I will understand what they are saying ... but I have seen a few and I think for what it is ... this is quite good. I reckon for some it has too big of a focus on the "love scenes" (explicit sex scenes to be more precise) ... and I get that. I did fast forward most of it.

But it seems to be his ... Steckler (stick) ... so why not lean into it! Also some vampire action ... that may feel or look quite hurtful ... in a weird way. Maybe good way if you like to be ... bitten I guess. Or watch stuff like that. Mess around (with female vampires) and find out (about Dracula) I reckon ... I do wonder if they had any rights to the name by the way ... doesn't matter in the end ... let's see if and when I watch more of this crazy stuff ... this is class A amateurish ... either like it or hate it I reckon.

To think we're only a couple of years past RD Steckler's much more enjoyable genre productions and this "movie" seems even sadder. I have a hard time believing this thing was ever released to theaters, even porno theaters in Vegas. That said, only in Vegas would a horror show host appear in a porno movie. The guy playing Dracula stumbles over his lines and barely even makes sense half the time. He sends some women who look like they've had some dark nights of the soul on the Vegas strip out to supply him with blood. This being a porno you can probably guess what they get it from. Two seemingly endless sex scenes make up about 90% of the already scant running time. Carolyn Brandt shows up in cut-aways and makes "Laugh In" type jokes. The sound is out of sync and the sex is of the "tarantulas mating" kind you see in most 70s pornos, but there is one slow motion running scene that was very Steckler. Poor Ray, I guess a guy's gotta eat...

The Mad Love Life of a Hot Vampire (1971)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Porn film has Count Dracula (Jim Parker), his bride and their hunchback assistant set up in Arizona where the Count keeps a fresh supply of blood by sending his three vampire hookers out to pick up men, sexually satisfy them and then drain them of their blood.

Director Dennis Ray Steckler made quite a few porno films but I don't think he ever talked about them or at least I haven't been able to find an interview where he admits to directing them. That's really too bad because in many ways they're the best films I've seen from the cult director. Of course, Steckler always just wanted to make fun movies and his early films are full of this low-budget oddities but his porn work is actually a lot more interesting.

This film here pretty much plays up the horror elements but of course there's a ton of sex and some humor thrown in as well. If you're a fan of the horror genre then you're going to find this Count rather funny and his hunchback assistant is also very funny at times including when he has a hard time performing with one of the vampire hookers. The sex scenes are pretty much what you'd expect from a porno of this era but even with these Steckler simply wasn't just going for a money shot. A lot of humor is in the sex as well.

The highlight has to be the scenes where the vampire hookers go to drain the blood. Yes, guys, you might want to cover your eyes even though you can tell that the vampire teeth are the plastic ones we all buy at Halloween time. Still, THE MAD LOVE LIFE OF A HOT VAMPIRE is a fun film. Clocking in just under a hour there's certainly nothing ground-breaking here but it's a fun little movie. Plus, you have to remember that this was several years before Jess Franco's THE FEMALE VAMPIRE.