El ojete de Lulú

Cheap, vulgar? Yes, it sure is. Pornographic? Oh, yes! Let's not harsh Jess Franco's karma by pretending we were out to see an art film and were disturbed to find this awesomely trashy stuff instead. Jess knows better, I know better, and you knew better, too.

Sure, Lina goes a bit overboard with an Oscar statuette, but you can forgive her for that because you get to watch. This is pretty much hardcore euro-porn thinly disguised as a movie, and why not? You're not watching a Jess Franco/Lina Romay collaboration to critique the acting, marvel at the cinematography or scrutinize the end credits for long-lost relatives. You're watching it because you're hoping to see Lina naked, doing what she does, and she does a lot of it in this film.

I've paid a lot more to see movies that I enjoyed a lot less than this one.

We're talking Lina Romay in her prime here, mid-thirties and squirmingly, explicitly, deliciously buck naked. Can she act? Of course she can, I'd give her an Oscar any day. Maybe a box full of them, if I got to watch her use them like she does here. Can Franco direct? I suspect he was holding the camera one-handed, but he does a decent enough job here, not wasting a lot of time on exposition or story. Franco could teach modern porn directors a thing or two, you can see that in any of his movies.

It's a sleaze fest, for sure, in the grand tradition of euro-sleaze. Watch it and don't bother pretending you didn't love it.

Ojete de Lulú, El (1986)

* (out of 4)

Jess Franco and Lina Romay co-directed this film, which is a vile, rather disgusting and lazy "comedy/porno". The American title is Lulu's Talking Ass so that should tell you something. In the film, a talking ass (provided by Romay) tells various sexual stories and we get to see the scenes. Even by Franco standards this thing here is pretty useless and the sex scenes never enter the erotic zone but instead go towards the vile level. Once again it seems this film was shot in the matter of days if not hours and it really shows on screen. I had to view the film in Spanish without any subs so I'm not sure if the "talking ass" has any good dialogue or not. The funniest moment of the film is when one of the male actors goes to switch positions and accidentally falls off the bed. Being Franco, he left it in the film. Franco's opinion of the Academy Awards also gets a special mention since the talking ass comes upon an Oscar and does something to it, which I won't mention here.

Jess Franco and his gorgeous wife Lina Romay must have a pretty sick sense of humour... and I absolusitively LOVE it!! :D

"El ojete de Lulu" (Lulu's Talking Ass) is a hilarious p0rno comedy that you can watch to have some good laughs OR to watch Lina Romay's a*ss (her as*s is nice). The plot, if there is one, is basically that Lulu's a*ss is getting jealous because her vagina is getting all the attention from men. :D I can't imagine why, Lina Romay's a#ss looks pretty gooood lol :)

Either way, this is an enjoyable film. A guilty pleasure? Perhaps.. but still nice :) 8/10

By 1986, the legendary exploitation director Jess Franco was back to his home land, Spain. In there, he was given all creative freedom. This lead to some of the best films of his career (Macumba Sexual, Cries of Pleasure and Mil Sexos tiene la Noche), but also, during this period, he directed some of the worst (Oasis of the Zombies, Revenge in the House of Usher, Mansion of the Living Dead). Somewhere in between lies this hilarious hardcore porn effort. Starring his wife Lina Romay, the movie introduce us a very interesting character: Lulú's talking ass, who is unhappy because his pal, Lulú's vagina is the only one getting all the action! Yeah, that's the movie basic plot. Very amusing. But the movie falls flat with the hardcore scenes. Most of them are not very interesting and the actors aren't in the best shape (except Lina, who no matter what, always looks incredible).

Recommended if only for one memorable scene where Lina uses an Oscar statue for giving herself pleasure. Priceless! 6/10.

Filmmaker Jesús Franco is considered a disciple of the Marquis de Sade, a famous French libertine philosopher and writer of the 18th century. However, Franco never directed a film faithful to Sade's works. The Spanish filmmaker was never interested in discussing philosophy in his films and seemed to feel a strange repulsion for female and male sodomy (sodomy being the favorite practice of the divine Marquis). I think that most of those who study Franco's work have never read a book by Sade and that's why they think that films like Justine (1969) and Eugenie (1970) are adaptations of works by the French philosopher. A gigantic mistake.

In the 1980s, Franco directed several pornographic films for a Spanish production company called Fervi Films. Perhaps the most famous (and ridiculous) of them is "El Ojete de Lulú", starring Lina Romay and Mabel Escaño (two wonderful actresses and wasted here). The film shows the dialogue between Lulú's anus and vagina (with Lina dubbing the first and Franco himself dubbing the second!). However, based on this premise, it was to be expected that the film would show a lot of vaginal and anal intercourse, right? Wrong. Being a Franco film, what we see is a lot of fellatio on flaccid penises and a lot of poorly staged and tedious lesbian sex. The only possible anal penetration in the entire film doesn't last a minute and is doubtful as the camera angle doesn't allow the viewer to see whether there was real anal penetration or not. A real disappointment. Franco, unlike Sade, hated anal sex and couldn't care less about philosophy.