Masseuse 3

My god, I'm not sure there will ever be another Ron Lewis. What a fantastic character! When I first saw this movie I thought it was one of the worst I had ever seen. Now I realize that there are lots like this but this one is actually special. Does Ron Lewis ever even move while he's having sex!?! Incredible!

Although I always appreciate seeing the beautiful Landon Hall, there ia a hardcore porno film with the same title. It is probably one of the very best hardcore films ever made and stars a remarkable porno queen by the name of Chloe Nicol. Her acting ability is far better than Ms. Hall's.

If you are not terribly turned off by hardcore and think it is all just trash, I would recommend it a the "real" Masseuse 3.

The acting in this is horrible, absolutely no plot line and the sex scenes are ridiculous. Even with all of these flaws everyone should see this at least once. The horribleness of this movie will make you laugh.

Masseuse 3 (1998) (V) is a re-vamped version of the 1995 movie Virtual Desire, only this time the actual love scenes are not on the cutting room floor as they were in Virtual Desire.

Masseuse 3 turns out to be a detective yarn at first, then goes into the main character, Sheila Raines, played by the beautiful Landon Hall.

The best sex scene in the movie is undoubtedly the one between the dead detective (he videotapes all his love sessions) and a woman named Tonya.

We first see Tonya in a sheer white off the shoulder dress with no bra! Then the sex scene happens later in the movie. In Virtual Desire, this sex scene was cut out and a helicopter flying over the ocean with the woman's love sounds echoing in the background and the detective and Tonya typing away on their computers was all this pervert saw.

I give this movie three out of five stars for Annette Burger's (Tonya) scene alone made this movie.

Moviemakers love franchise titles. As convenient shorthand for the viewer, they guarantee a built-in audience. And while mainstream releases usually require some continuity of plot or cast (impossible to imagine `Scream 2' without the survivors from `Scream' and ditto for `Scream 3'), late-night cable audiences are not quite so demanding. There's also an unwillingness to consign a splendid title to one-time use. Who could resist the lure of `Confessions of a Lap Dancer', even if the movie itself was a real stinker?

In `Masseuse 3', we have Landon Hall, ported in from the previous title in the series, playing a Madame providing massage therapy to LA's finest. The problem is that most of the rest of this movie also seems beamed aboard. The early scenes follow a stock two-shot format: strip shows spliced together with reaction shots. The womens' performances run the gamut from banal to inspired but the reaction shots all routinely picture the mutation of Hollywood hunk to lust-crazed goober. Our hero's eyes bulge and his mouth forms a huge cartoon `O', until he looks like a giant tanned carp. There's such a disconnected feel to the format that at one point I checked the wallpaper of the two shots to see if they were the same. An Oscar to the Continuity Department for making sure that the backgrounds match.

We even have some posthumous performances since our hero, fatally shot in mid-movie, tapes his massage sessions for posterity. There's a hot tub session with an enthusiastic redhead who bumps her head against the edge of the pool but gamely humps on. The voluptuous Annette Burger also makes an appearance, providing the only genuinely erotic moments of the movie. These tapes are supposed to be a source of clues for the ensuing homicide investigation but they probably work best to fuel the carnal impulses of the investigating detective and Landon.

Landon's stable is a veritable portfolio of favorites. Taylor St. Claire, fetching in black, has an appealing private dance, although it ends abruptly and inexplicably when she goes topless. Julie Strain breezes in from her duties as reigning Heavy Metal Amazon for one of her trademark sessions. And Shanna McCullough, in a rare crossover performance, looks tanned, trim, and terrific at forty.

Think of it simply as a mediocre art gallery. Some pretty pictures but not much in the way of inspiration. But even with this disappointing installment of the franchise, we're still lining up for `Masseuse 4'. Reminds us of something Samuel Johnson once said about the triumph of hope over experience.